Am I asking for too much time off?

[cheekymonk]

I work 4 days a week for DWP, DH works full time and is on 40k. We have da aged 10 with HFA, on middle rate DLA. DD is 4 starting school this year son high rate DLA for PDA severe speech delay and other issues.she is having an ENT op on weekend and I have asked for next week off to switch her. I have 2 weeks booked off in August when we are going away. I have asked for week before they go back to school off due to I childcare. I need a couple of mornings off for school meetings. NHS speech therapy kicks in so o have asked to swap nwd. You get the picture! I am struggling to make it work and work are clearly fed up with me. AIBU?

Davyatsea, [employer removed by MNHQ] like to boast We want everyone at [employer removed by MNHQ] to have the perfect work-life balance. That is why we have a range of policies in place to support their well-being and wider needs. These include generous and comprehensive schemes for maternity and paternity leave and a number of other family-friendly policies.

Harder to achieve on the lines than on the desk jobs, but it should still be do-able. It could be worth looking up the relevant policies, or getting on to HR to see what can be done.

Agree with Poofus

Um, are you both happy with the identifying features in your combined posts, OP and OP's DH?

Anyway, I would say that is a lot of leave to take within a short period, and I'd also worry about not having any in the bank to take at othe school holidays or if further medical appointments come up. Do you have to take the full two weeks holiday?

In my job I wouldn't be able to have more than my share of time off during school holidays. We have several people wanting school hols off and a business to keep running. I think getting an extra week off because you can't get childcare is pushing things. Sorting out childcare in school holidays is part of being a working parent. If you both work then both of you should be trying to get additional time off. When our kids were small we didn't take the same weeks off work so we covered more of the holidays.

If I've read the OP correctly you're asking for 4 of the next 7 weeks off, non-consecutively, with less than a week's notice? And all as paid leave?

That's not reasonable. For the surgery you could look into parental leave which is unpaid. You are entitled to take up to 4 weeks unpaid parental leave per child per year up to a maximum of 18 weeks per child in the period until they turn 18. However you are also supposed to give 3 weeks notice so you. As your children receive DLA you should be able to take unpaid parental leave in 1 day blocks rather than 1 week blocks (which is the case for children without disabilities). This might work for the SLT sessions once school starts. Your employer might accept a parental leave application for next week but with such short notice it would be at their discretion.

davyatsea the same should apply to you as it relates to legal entitlement not employer policies

It may be worth you sitting down with your manager and someone from HR to discuss your working pattern and flexible working options in the longer term

Op, please get some of your info removed - kids sn + both your work places Is rather identifying...

I thought that little

OP's DH - have you tried negotiating yet?

Just to say that I'm a LP with SN DS.

I get standard holidays and swap days/work extra to cover appointments. I'm very fortunate to have an understanding employer but think that with two parents to juggle appointments and childcare, you had ought to be able to cover them both?

If it's a one off sort of thing and you're a good employee then it makes absolute sense for you or your dh to be accommodated to take leave whether it is annual (sometimes preferred by employers because it has to be used up any way and minimise annual time off) or unpaid parental leave.

This is why we have leave for parents but taking steps to make everything as smooth as possible with your boss and co-workers will make it easier for everyone.

I do think your dh needs to do more. Often "he can't" is "he won't ask".

www.foryoubyyou.org.uk/helping-you/caring/carers-passport/what-carers-passport

This may be of help

Apply for part-year, they should accommodate if they really are fed up of you.

I think that medical appointments are fine, but taking a week off because of childcare is not. You need to hire someone for that week, or find a holiday club, or swap favours with someone to have your children for that week. The school holidays are not a surprise when you have children, and you need to make appropriate arrangements to cover that.

MythicalKings One thing which is not relevant is whether the co-workers have DCs. One sort of private life does not trump another and if someone without children wants time off in August that's their valid choice.

Midnite, holiday clubs and childcare that can handle children with even basic additional needs are incredibly rare. I found one in 14 years.

How does the equalities act apply to this situation?

Parenthood is not a protected characteristic, Stealth.

I am a lone parent of two dc with sn. Even with an understanding employer (boss) I have found it difficult with colleagues. Who wants someone on their team who has to take extra time off or rushes in late after an appointment or has to leave a meeting early? It is seen as not pulling your weight and I understand that completely.

So even though you may be entitled to the leave (not sure from what you say) it's not good for your relationships with colleagues nor your career long-term.

I'm afraid in my case I wasn't able to sustain it but that was more due to the complexities of my dc's needs than anything.

I'm not sure why you would identify your workplace???

No I realise that page but discrimination on the basis of someone else's disability is. Now obviously appropriate management of holidays is not discrimination but there may be an onus on both employers to take the dd's disability into account and make reasonable adjustments for her parents.
It may not go that far but I do remember the example given to me was a man caring for his disabled wife.

Sounds like the act prevents direct discrimination to carers but it doesn't give any examples of this nature

you know that you are entitled to 18 weeks unpaid parental leave (you have to take it usually before the 5th birthday) but if the child is disabled (think it is at least middle rate dla) you can take it up to the 18th birthday. 3 weeks a year max. you don't have to take it in weeks if your child is disabled but you can take single days here and there. this is a statutory right - die you and your DH.

I think you really need to sit down with your DH and discuss how you go about it in the long term - bis work being inflexible isn't going to wash it. they are also his DH.

how are you going about child care in the school hols? are you sorted? I have disabled DD myself and I find it very hard to combine work with the realities of being a carer.

I think the issue is that holidays will have been booked months in advance, the staff numbers will already be at a minimum for those weeks as lots of people want August off - there may well be colleagues who have been denied time off and the OP already has 3 weeks.

As regards the law there is some protection under the Equality Act because carers for disabled children are covered with pretty much the same protections as it were a disabled person in the workplace (right to reasonable adjustment and in some instances the right to more favourable treatment if it makes the situation more equal). So having a disabled child who cannot go into holiday clubs or be cared for by ordinary child care may well mean that an employer allows an employee to have first dibs on the annual leave for August and may well permit them to take more than the common two weeks maximum because the alternative is that the employee may not be able to stay in their job due to their responsibilities towards their disabled child. A good employer will plan for this when they are made aware which is why I suggested up thread the op should take steps to make things as smooth as possible for her boss and co-workers. This would be things like notifying them as soon as possible of any difficult dates, booking things in first and also sharing the load with her dh who also has the same rights and responsibilities.

There are also laws regarding time off for dependents but that would be unforeseen emergency situations and there is also the right to take unpaid parental leave.

So yes, parents do get more rights in the workplace. Those are just some of them. The reason for this is because our government recognises that we as a country need to have a thriving population and that means people having babies and becoming parents. Those children are our future tax payers and workers.

First dibs perhaps earlier in the year. But if the need arises in July you cannot expect anyone to cancel a holiday they have booked in August whether they have children or not.

I find it really weird when poster asks a question that involves her dh, then her dh posts to answer her

am presuming you live together, why can't you both work it out sitting on the living room couch instead of putting it out to strangers on here?

its a bit like when couples speak to each other on facebook, so everyone can see how in love they are, instead of saying it privately at home

or am I missing something?

I get wanting others opinion, but really, your dh coming on here to justify his work schedule to you is a bit