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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I asking for too much time off?

77 replies

cheekymonk · 15/07/2015 12:17

I work 4 days a week for DWP, DH works full time and is on 40k. We have da aged 10 with HFA, on middle rate DLA. DD is 4 starting school this year son high rate DLA for PDA severe speech delay and other issues.she is having an ENT op on weekend and I have asked for next week off to switch her. I have 2 weeks booked off in August when we are going away. I have asked for week before they go back to school off due to I childcare. I need a couple of mornings off for school meetings. NHS speech therapy kicks in so o have asked to swap nwd. You get the picture! I am struggling to make it work and work are clearly fed up with me. AIBU?

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 16/07/2015 13:09

Eh? Have I missed something? Where's the op's dh posted??

No I wouldn't Andrew but for a good employee where the alternative is they might leave I would try to sort something out whether it's rejigging the work schedule or offering overtime or getting in a temp. If an issue arose in July an employee could well be gone by August with only a month's notice and that's going to give me the same issue as having both of them off only I have to recruit someone else too.

However, it is worth noting that annual leave can be cancelled even after it has been agreed so long as the notice is equivalent to the length of the period of time off. So only two weeks notice for a two week holiday.

Andrewofgg · 16/07/2015 13:12

In fact when I was single I took holidays three years running at the Three Choirs Festival in August. If I was refused permission one year I would expect it the next, whatever other people might want. Just like nobody should be asked to work on Christmas Day two years running even if that means someone with children doing it.

ssd · 16/07/2015 13:15

he's daveyatsea. further up the thread movingonup

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 16/07/2015 13:17

Oh blimey. Missed that! All a bit public isn't it?!

ssd · 16/07/2015 13:18

yep

a bit eewww...

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 16/07/2015 13:25

Indeed.

ArgyMargy · 16/07/2015 13:28

Don't you get Friday afternoons off, davyatsea? ;)

OOAOML · 16/07/2015 13:47

I would hate if my DH was on MN - especially if he was engaging in debate with me. I have sometimes seen him respond to stories on the local newspaper website and resisted the temptation to jump in because it would just be really weird.

Beeswax2017 · 16/07/2015 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OOAOML · 16/07/2015 13:52

Can we expect the HR department to register and join in? I do think removing the company name would be good.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 16/07/2015 15:41

Thank you all. We are talking about it and getting there with it. I really do value people's thoughts it has helped. Identifiers now removed tooSmile

OP posts:
OOAOML · 16/07/2015 15:46

That sounds good cheeky I know it is difficult to try and balance monetary impact with career impact.

SugarOnTop · 16/07/2015 16:12

your dh coming on here to justify his work schedule to you

sounds like he's more interested in wriggling out of having to take time off to help you out. Does he think he is more important than you? Does he take your professional life seriously or does he think it's so unimportant that it's ok to put you in a difficult position? no wonder women get short changed when they allow the men to use the 'impacts on my career' excuse to get out of taking equal responsibility.

you could cancel your 2 week holiday and instead use it to book time off for the dates you need? if not then it will likely be a toss up between unpaid leave or dh growing a pair and doing his fair share of time off work.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 16/07/2015 16:23

We originally had 2 weeks booked off beg August for summer holiday. I said to work that I wasn't sure how start of school would go ie. Start mornings or afternoons etc. turns out dd is straight in. So I booked dds last day at nursery then asked work on June to have the few days off before she starts school. There are a handful of people in an office of about 100 of us with small children. Then it came out about ent op hence that request going in start of this month. Then speech appts were notified by SALT. It is too much time but I know now I've been trying to do it myself. My boss said that I clearly need to be at home. Am not sure if she is saying I should leave.eoll just scroll thro and see if anything else I've not answered x

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekymonk · 16/07/2015 16:25

Taking all the time would have meant I was over my annual leave limits. I mentioned unpaid parental leave as an option but she said as a business they couldn't support a lot of this.

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekymonk · 16/07/2015 16:28

I have thought about flexible compressed hours but am not sure and I have always worked extra hours where possible to compensate for my disappearing acts.

OP posts:
SugarOnTop · 16/07/2015 17:40

it sounds like they know this will be an ongoing issue for you in the longterm with the extra appointments and needing extra time off at short notice etc, that won't work for them in the longterm. so it does kind of sound like they're saying 'we don't need that hassle/expense so you're better off at home'. Not nice but completely understandable.

why are you not insisting your dh take equal time off work to take responsibility for his dc? You either insist he parents equally or you sacrifice your own employability and remain dependent on his selfish ways.

SugarOnTop · 16/07/2015 17:44

or you dump his self-important ass. if you're expected to perform like a single parent then you may as well do it properly and get the financial help available to you to facilitate that without having to be financially dependent on him.

Penfold007 · 16/07/2015 17:55

Cheeky I appreciate that with two SN children you and your DH are under a lot of pressure and I completely get that working is your 'me' time and very valuable.

Have you done some better off calculations so see what the impact of you giving up work is? benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

Releasing your self from paid employment would allow one parent (you) to concentrate on medical and other appointments. DH would still have to continue doing his fair share of parenting, housework, shopping and so on. You might then be able to find a more flexible job role or a volunteering role or even just take some time out to be you.

OOAOML · 16/07/2015 19:20

If you're considering giving up work, can you explore the option of a career break instead? And check whether you could preserve your pension? I'm not saying don't give up work, because it might turn out to be the answer for you, but please please consider the impact on your pension as well as immediate take-home family income.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 16/07/2015 22:47

Thank you ladies some excellent points. Dh has negotiated some time off but yes I will have a look at calculator...

OP posts:
textfan · 17/07/2015 05:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 17/07/2015 18:16

Yes - where possible

Those words mean something. They mean the employers can and should consider the interests of their other staff too.

Original poster
cheekymonk · 22/07/2015 17:09

Thank you bollocks budget have got this on the go Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekymonk · 22/07/2015 17:12

We have got present situation sorted, dh spoke to employer and negotiated time off. I had some special leave agreed but also dropped some of the requests so by negotiation with my employer and dh employer and between ourselves we have got there. Thank you all again.

OP posts: