To think trashing stuff when you're angry is unreasonable?

[Loopylala7]

Just that really. OH has a habit of breaking something when he gets annoyed and its doing my head in - I've heard people say its venting and a good release, but all I can think of is why would you destroy something you're going to have to pay to replace? we're far from loaded

It's unhinged. My ex does/ did that. Absolutely terrifying to me.

Venting? That's a new one.

I call it violent aggression.

YANBU

Even if you are aged 3 it is not reasonable, unless you've paid to go to a Greek restaurant and smash plates.
If my DS (who IS 3) did this I'd tell him not to (he does throw things. He says, "I throw something" if he's cross, and he throws a soft toy. Not something breakable. Occasionally a box or something like a book.
Is you OH 3?

I sometimes think he might be drspouse!

It is unreasonable, stupid and worring.

Definitely unreasonable. No debate really!! Going gym/kickboxing etc could have the same effect without destruction..?

Not right. Adults get angry. Adults find grown up ways to express their emotion.
Or go for a run.

Drspouse?

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310003 It can rise to the level of DV in some cases. Is he breaking his own stuff?

Haven't watched soaps, or indeed any telly, for a few years now, but seem to recall that whenever a male character got angry he would sweep everything off the sideboard, or the table, or just smash something.

It is cultuarally condoned for men to do this, as I suppose the thinking is that it's bettter that they take their testosterone fuelled anger out on inanimate objects rather than on other people. Don't seem to recall women doing it, though.

Drspouse is a name on here wolfiefan

It's what my 7yo does & we are trying hard to break him of the habit.

A mix of stuff really. Just whatever is to hand. I don't think it's DV as he has never struck me. Thanks for the link though

It's beyond unreasonable... it's worrying you'd even need to ask. My abusive ex did this - it used to terrify me and DS.

How is your relationship otherwise? What kind of things does he break and how?

It's unreasonable. I went through a phase of doing it in my early teens - lot of bullying at school meant I was angry much of the time. I stopped doing it because my parents left me to pay for anything damaged.

It's not something an adult should be doing.

He probably has been watching too much TV. However, you need to point out to him that it is not something that grown-ups actually do, due to the fact that if you're mature you learn to control your emotions without destroying things.

Generally its fine, its just I've been working extra shifts recently for financial & career gain so I got upset that he hadn't pulled his weight with the extra housework which I would usually do (I said it in a very calm manner) and he just flipped out and then went & broke something in the kitchen in a fit of rage. Apparently I was unreasonable? Rowing is fine - although I'm really a more of a heated debate kind of person and hate over dramatised tantrums!

So he is lazy and abusive, nice.

I think it depends on how it is done and how the people watching it feel about it . I watched an incident where a friends DH destroyed an entire bag of apples with a tin tray . We both fell about laughing at the the wanton destruction of innocent fruit . BUT neither of us felt in the least bit threatened by his behaviour . I would love to meet the adult who hasn't thrown a hissy fit about something and done something daft and totally out of character regarding wanton destruction of some bizzare household/office/work related item .

I'd go absolutely apeshit if my other half (or anyone) did that in my house. It is not on.

"generally it's fine"...until you do something he doesn't like or feels threatened by, then it's bullying, controlling behaviour and "look what you made me do"

That is NOT fine. Been there, done that, I'd say you need to get out...

Am trying to teach my 4yr old that this is wrong behaviour that I've even refused to attempt to fix things now so que further tears when items are put in bin they won't be replaced.

I need ideas on how to get him to Chanel his anger

It is unreasonable and can escalate into violence against you. No, he has never hit you, but you don't want that to happen even once. And he would not smash his boss's desk, would he? Only at home where he can get away woth it.

Could you wait until a good calm time and talk to him about why he feels so angry, why smashing things is not an adult response, and what he plans to do to change things?

His response will tell you a lot about what he really feels.

Son used to do this. Also smash holes in the walls. Terrifying, I would just run

Part of being an adult is being able to control your anger. Smashing stuff is not an "outlet", it's violent and thuggish.