To think trashing stuff when you're angry is unreasonable?

[Loopylala7]

Just that really. OH has a habit of breaking something when he gets annoyed and its doing my head in - I've heard people say its venting and a good release, but all I can think of is why would you destroy something you're going to have to pay to replace? we're far from loaded

You talk to him calmly about not pulling his weight so he breaks something? That is a bad sign. He is either operating at the level of a 3 year-old or he's deliberately trying to train you out of mentioning his laziness. Displays of aggression are meant to make you frightened.
What does he break? Does he ever break his own stuff? Stuff he really values?
The fact that you're working extra shifts for financial reasons and he's breaking stuff that presumably need to be replaced is an added twist.

And you don't have to hit someone to be abusive.

You lot are making me more scared to front him than I was before - I really don't think it's DV, although I appreciate your concern. He has a temper, but as I said he hasn't ever taken it out on me directly (we've been together over a decade now).

none so blind

What kind of stuff does he break? Of course it is unreasonable - adults should be able to control their aggression/temper without resorting to physical release. How long before he hits people instead of things?

He is (I assume) a sane adult so has free will. I used to have an ex who would do this shit. He wouldn't have dreamt of smashing up a colleague's desk (because there would have been consequences).

He chooses to do this, probably to control you. I recommend "Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft.

Another person here whose ex did this.

He'd also drive really fast flashing his lights if he was pissed off - if someone over took him or something.

It progressed to him punching himself in the face.

You know what came next. I don't need to say it.

It is not as bad a violence towards a person, but he needs to realise it is wrong and learn anger management. I think he could if he is generally a nice person, with a bad temper. If he is unreasonable and wouldn't even consider changing that is a bad sign.

No question. It's unhinged and worrying.

It's threatening, aggressive and manipulative behaviour. It is absolutely classed as DV.

I think its unreasonable. You were really angry-now you are still really angry but you need to clear up a mess and replace something.
I'm always surprised at how very frequently people are seen chucking things at the wall in TV dramas-as if its a normal response to receiving bad news or being upset.

It's pathetic, contemptible behaviour. Sometimes it's childish attention-seeking ('Look how intensely I feel my intense emotions! I'm special!') but mostly it's just a form of bullying. The fact that this dickhead started in on the crockery when you pulled him up for laziness suggests it's very much the latter - you are supposed to 'learn your lesson' and not criticize, disagree or disobey him in future.

If it was a sudden burst of anger needing an outlet, wouldn't he just throw/smash something to hand? Going into another room to smash something seems a bit...calculated, and therefore designed to create an effect, not release anger.

There's a little logical flowchart in my head with this stuff. He either can or can't control himself. If he can't; LTB if he doesn't stop because this will escalate. If he can control himself, then he's choosing to break things. If he's choosing to break things, then SGB's stuff kicks in. What are the reasons?

1. Childhood examples of this. This is how anger was mis managed in his home.
2. He is too emotional and special to have to control himself.
3. He is trying to scare you.
4. He is trying to control you.
5. He is trying to stop you challenging any behaviours of his.

This is a hill I would die on. I wouldn't have this in my house.

It's abusive.

It's the male equivalent of an 8 year old girl slamming a door and screaming "I hate you!". Very immature. And an instant turn-off.

Ffs My husband got really upset because he pushed a small table over, by accident, and frightened the kids as they thought he threw it. He was terminally ill and a bit grumpy but would never have been aggressive. Your husband is a bully.

Wtf??? He sounds terrifying. I would be scared of someone who smashed stuff in anger. So little self control! I would also be afraid to bring anything up with them and would be on eggshells.
How can you live with someone like that? It really isn't normal.

YANBU. Sorry to digress OP. If he says he is doing it because he is annoyed at himself is that different? Terrifies everyone in the house still. Are you meant to offer sympathy to stop them or tell them it is not acceptable?

When I was a child and my Mum was stressed or we'd been 'naughty' she would often punish us by going to our bedrooms and destroying something, like a poster, calendar, school work, etc