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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding rehersal dilemma

51 replies

vanishingact1 · 07/07/2015 18:10

I am a bridesmaid for a friend and she is having a rehearsal in the evening . I am having a childcare problem though and really don't want to have to take my young kids (2 and 1) as they will be a nightmare/exhausted. She had initially been casual about attendance but is now being pushy about it. My OH is really not up for me taking them as it means they can be tricky to get to sleep later on and he has work the next day.

Is this a big deal? I'm pretty sure that it's a standard format wedding. I've had to juggle childcare a number of times in the run-up to this wedding and I get that it is important to her but most weddings follow a similar pattern and if I need to check with one of the other bridesmaids I can. AIBU?

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 07/07/2015 18:13

Can't he look after them? Am i missing something?

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 18:14

YANBU.

You're a bridesmaid. Go to the rehearsal. Why can't he look after them? So what if he has work the next day? I'm not getting this.

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 18:14

Sorry I mean yAbu.

wishingchair · 07/07/2015 18:14

Don't understand why you'd need to take them?

Leeds2 · 07/07/2015 18:16

I would go, and take the children if I was unable to get any childcare.

willconcern · 07/07/2015 18:16

Why can't your DP look after them while you go?

whois · 07/07/2015 18:16

YABU

You are bridesmaid. It's a rehearsal dinner, not a week in Ibiza.

If your children's father can't look after his own children for one evening 'because he has to work the next day' then you have much bigger problems in your life.

CheeseAndBeans · 07/07/2015 18:17

Does your OH need to be there? If not can't he look after them?

Original poster
vanishingact1 · 07/07/2015 18:20

Sorry I should have put in that the time OH gets in from work means that I would need to leave earlier to get there on time - it takes about an hour to get there. If it was just me, I would be there no problem. Our youngest has a lot of trouble sleeping sometimes so that's probably why he's worried he won't get any sleep.

OP posts:
CheeseAndBeans · 07/07/2015 18:25

Eh? Don't get what you mean about timings?
It's one night, so maybe he has to go to work after a bad night up with a child... he wouldn't be the first! Does he leave all the childcare to you normally?

WhetherOrNot · 07/07/2015 18:27

So, you leave earlier with the children......and he follows on to collect them. Done.

morelikeguidelines · 07/07/2015 18:28

Could oh try to leave early or does he have a job where you really can't (nurse, teacher, or similar - could be any number of things but many people can leave early) ?

Could he pick them up from the rehearsal? Or could you get there a bit late?

Welshmaenad · 07/07/2015 18:29

You're a fricking bridesmaid. Suck it up or stand down.

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 18:30

I still don't get the problem.

balletgirlmum · 07/07/2015 18:35

My bridesmaids didn't come to my wedding rehearsal (though my dad insisted on coming) the vicar said it was for the bride & groom only.

I also didn't go to my sister in laws rehearsal though I believe her sister (chief bridesmaid) did.

It's not necessary to go do don't worry about it.

DoJo · 07/07/2015 18:38

What needs rehearsing?

Tuskerfull · 07/07/2015 18:39

Why the fuck does anyone need to rehearse a wedding?

JohnCusacksWife · 07/07/2015 18:40

How much rehearsing does it take to walk down an aisle, for goodness sake? A 2yr old and a 1 yr old would just cause a huge disturbance and distraction. If you can't get childcare there's not much you can do.

WhyAspoonCousin · 07/07/2015 18:45

I agree, you don't need to go, it's really for the two getting married but you are gonna piss her off and she probably isn't going to handle it well if her wedding is imminent.

Idontseeanydragons · 07/07/2015 18:49

If the wedding is in a church then the vicar might have arranged the rehearsal so everyone has an idea of where they sit, stand, kneel or whatever and to go through the music and readings. At least that's what ours did.
Your IH needs to step up - it won't last long.

Jewels234 · 07/07/2015 19:07

One of my BMs can't attend my rehearsal for a much less important reason. I'm mildly bothered but would never push her to attend. It's not overly important. I think you're fine not to go.

DoreenLethal · 07/07/2015 19:10

Go later when he gets home?

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 19:17

My whole wedding party had to be present for rehearsals, including parents of bride and groom.

Priest was pretty insistent.

But that's neither here nor there; bride wants her bridesmaid there and there's no real reason for her not to attend.

PuppyMonkey · 07/07/2015 19:23

I've never understood this need to rehearse weddings - unless you're planning a surprise flash mob dance or something. Grin

On another note, is your DH a bit useless?

Pippa12 · 07/07/2015 19:24

I couldn't go to my BF wedding rehearsal- it was really short notice and I was working and unable to swap shift- she knew there was nothing I could do. I felt awful tho and I did wish I'd of gone when I was stood like abit of a lemon unsure of where I was supposed to be. Unless it's absoloutly impossible, I would go.