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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding rehersal dilemma

51 replies

vanishingact1 · 07/07/2015 18:10

I am a bridesmaid for a friend and she is having a rehearsal in the evening . I am having a childcare problem though and really don't want to have to take my young kids (2 and 1) as they will be a nightmare/exhausted. She had initially been casual about attendance but is now being pushy about it. My OH is really not up for me taking them as it means they can be tricky to get to sleep later on and he has work the next day.

Is this a big deal? I'm pretty sure that it's a standard format wedding. I've had to juggle childcare a number of times in the run-up to this wedding and I get that it is important to her but most weddings follow a similar pattern and if I need to check with one of the other bridesmaids I can. AIBU?

OP posts:
PowderMum · 07/07/2015 19:58

Why can't your OP come home early to take up the childcare or does he not look after his own DC. Or maybe you could call on someone (babysitter) to cover the hour gap between you leaving and him getting home. Seems an easy problem to solve to me

butterfly133 · 07/07/2015 20:02

YANBU
you will be fine without a rehearsal and she initially was casual about it

however, if you do want to go, it's a shame you can't get childcare.

Purplepoodle · 07/07/2015 20:22

Could OH leave work a bit earlier

SisterMoonshine · 07/07/2015 20:27

yanbu
But then I'm not sure I'd go to a wedding rehearsal an hour away even if there weren't little DCs to think about.

Nromanoff · 07/07/2015 20:31

It's a rehearsal dinner not the actual wedding. Why people need to do this, I don't know. It bizarre.

How ever I find the reasoning of your oh not been keen on you going as he will struggle to put his own kids to bed, completely bizarre too.

butterfly133 · 07/07/2015 20:49

I think the OP is going home after the rehearsal but concerned about taking the kids with her because she and her husband think that will mean a bad night for the child? I don't think she is saying her hubby can't look after the children when she's not there? Hopefully OP will return and enlighten us.

HermioneWeasley · 07/07/2015 20:54

Surely your DH can put the kids to bed one time? If not, it's time he learned

Olddear · 07/07/2015 21:14

Thank God I got married 20+yrs ago! No hen parties in Ibiza, rehearsals, showers.....we just turned up at the appointed time and got wed!

quietbatperson · 07/07/2015 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouMakeMyDreams · 07/07/2015 21:35

A rehearsal dinner is an Americanism but an actual wedding rehearsal isn't and not a new thing either . I was a flower girl nearly 30 years ago and had to attend a rehearsal the night before so the minister could go through where we were to sit and at what point etc.
Everyone I know that has had a church wedding has had a rehearsal.

OP YABabitU one night isn't the end of the world really. I am getting married soon and know that one of my bm's may not make the rehearsal the night before and I know why and totally understand but can see why the bride might feel a bit off about it even if she wasn't before. Now we are down to a few weeks to go I have begun to see why some women go stir crazy planning a wedding so she is probably at stress point so this is bothering her. At a less stressy point she may not give a hoot.

DoJo · 07/07/2015 21:44

You're a fricking bridesmaid. Suck it up or stand down.

Really? You'd rather a bridesmaid pulled out of the wedding than the rehearsal?

YeOldTrout · 07/07/2015 21:57

Brits don't do wedding rehearsals, really??
Mine was a 20 minute practice who stands where and does what, 20-30 minutes max. What's it like in UK, do you have to have a 3 hour meal with it?

NinkyNonkers · 07/07/2015 21:59

Rehearsal wasn't optional here...vicar insisted that whole party be there. So not an Americanism/bridezilla thing necessarily. Your Dh needs to step up, could he not come and collect them and take them home?

HoldYerWhist · 07/07/2015 22:00

More Americanisation of Weddings. Wedding rehearsals now ffs

Well that's a load of balls. I was flower girl at db's brother 30 years ago. We rehearsed. It wasn't a dinner.

ohjessie · 07/07/2015 22:08

Just bring your kids OP, it shouldn't last that long. When we did this for my sister's wedding we just practised walking down the aisle and knowing when to start walking In correct time to the music. Ridiculous yep and I still managed to mess it up on the day.
The minister then quickly went over the run of the service, showed us all where we would sit and that was it. I was glad I had gone though.
There will be someone there who can watch your DC for a few minutes if need be

ems1910 · 07/07/2015 22:09

If you can't attend then you can't attend. You will follow the other bridesmaids on the day.
I have always been to rehearsals when I have been a bridesmaid, not a new thing and not American either, that would be a dinner.
If I had to drive for an hour for it, with two very young children in the evening then I wouldn't want to either. My oh can never leave early, he is usually late finishing due to the nature of his job and that's it.
However, if he can get home early and put them to bed then great! :)

quietbatperson · 07/07/2015 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noeffingidea · 07/07/2015 22:42

I've been a bridesmaid twice and didn't go to a rehearsal either time. Somehow we all managed not to fuck it up.
I didn't have a rehearsal at my own wedding either. That was in a registry office though, and we didn't do any of the usual stuff like having bridesmaids or walking down the aisle.
At least you're not expected to spend the night in a hotel with the bride and other bridesmaids, OP. That seems to be a common thing nowadays.

Buttercupsandaisies · 07/07/2015 22:43

I wouldn't go - even without kids to consider. Not an hour away, I've been bridesmaid 4x and each rehearsal lasted all of 15 minutes!!

Its not really her dh fault he's home from work later, think people reading too much in to that.

Buttercupsandaisies · 07/07/2015 22:44

Rehearsal dinner is a U.S. thing .....defo never heard of it in the UK.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 07/07/2015 22:46

I didn't go to the rehearsal when I was I bridesmaid and the bride never forgave me. Barely spoke to me at the wedding and cut me off afterwards. Think carefully .....!

LapsedTwentysomething · 07/07/2015 22:48

Why are people being so harsh on OP's DP? My DH is a fantastic father but the DCs want me at bedtime. They're small children, not automatons.

ASettlerOfCatan · 07/07/2015 22:55

Op said she would need to leave before her dp got home. The concern with taking them is that they get ratty and it leads to a bad night for all.

I've been to a wedding rehearsal and it was 15 mins long. I wouldn't drive an hour for it!

gobbin · 07/07/2015 23:42

Rehearsal? Our vicar was of the opinion that if you didn't know what happened during a wedding then you shouldn't be getting married in church.

Anyways...you walk behind the bride and sit on the left at the front. Easy!

ncterrornc · 08/07/2015 00:05

Only on mn would people say get dh to leave work early so you can drag yourself an hour away to practice walking down an aisle and standing around!

Early finishes are for dire emergencies and feeling under the weather in the real world.

No way would I be dragging 2 kids to it either. If it's evening - and if they're like mne, they'll fall asleep on the journey and be a wailing mess throughout the practice

Don't go op, I wouldn't.