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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eloping to Vegas

61 replies

Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 16:33

Me and dp can't afford to get married in UK, to have the kind of wedding we would want would cost around 4 grand, which we don't have, so we were considering going to Vegas for 5 days getting married and having a honeymoon at same time, less money and no hassle, my dsis offered to have our ds when we went on honeymoon but has gone totally crazy when I mentioned the new plan. Me and my dsis are very close and she is really upset about us eloping, saying we're selfish and she won't look after ds. We don't want to take ds to Vegas as don't think it's really a good place for an 18 month old and we wanted our honeymoon at same time, also would mean that we would also have to take my dps two older dc, which would make it I expensive and we couldn't do it.

I guest what I am asking is it selfish to family to elope?

OP posts:
karatekimmi · 04/07/2015 16:42

We got married in Vegas, not planned though. One of the main reasons was that my DSis (who I am very close with) is an almighty bitch who would have ruined my day for me. However she has never forgiven me that she wasn't there!! Money was a big factor to - 4 grand to waste IMO on a party for other people is ridiculous (I know I'm in the minority here).

I think it's "selfish" but I don't think selfish is always a bad thing. It's your day, do what you want.

postmanpatscat · 04/07/2015 16:43

Could any of the grandparents have DS instead? Elope if you want to, it's your wedding and your marriage.

Original poster
Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 16:44

Thanks. How did the rest of your family/friends react. Was it mostly positive?

OP posts:
Original poster
Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 16:45

No, no only my mum left and she wouldn't be able to copy with ds, my dsis is the only one who can have him, so has us over a bit of a barrel

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 04/07/2015 16:48

Since the whole point is that you're getting married for YOU I'd love to know how your sister arrives at her conclusion. Selfish how? Selfish for not putting on a big old party for everyone else? I think it's supremely UNselfish to do it the way you want to actually - it means the day, the actions and emotions are entirely about the two of you. I'm afraid your sister sounds like a bit of a twat. Whatever she thinks she should respect your wishes and do everything she can to help out.

ghostyslovesheep · 04/07/2015 16:51

I married in Vegas - and had a big party on our return

if it's simply down to money though I'd have a registry office do - and blow the £4k on a lovely party and a 4 day break

Original poster
Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 16:56

We don't have 4k to spend, if we did we would do it in UK. My dsis thinks it selfish as I was her bridesmaids at her wedding (which my df paid for and is no longer with us) and it is selfish no to include her and let her see us marry.

OP posts:
KillmeNow · 04/07/2015 16:56

Would your sister look after DS if you went on holiday ,either in uk or europe?

If she would ,could you not do the same as you planned ,just not in Vegas. I know its easy to get married there but with a little advance planning you can get married in many places.

I dont think its selfish at all to get married how you want. If your Dsis wants a party maybe have a garden party when you get back and announce your marriage to everyone then?

Kasey86 · 04/07/2015 16:59

We got married in Vegas, just the two of us. Like you, we booked our holiday and got married & had a honeymoon all in one.
We didn't have a party when we got back either, nobody minded.

karatekimmi · 04/07/2015 16:59

The rest of my family were fine, both sets of parents were fine just my awkward sister (who would have ruined the day anyway, either with having a face on her). You don't "owe" people a wedding!

Original poster
Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 16:59

My dsis would look after him as long as we didn't get married but she knows I wouldn't go on a normal holiday without him so would be suspicious and not sure she would do it incase

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 04/07/2015 17:13

sorry misread your post - have you priced up Vegas though [worried]

it's expensive - it's an 11+ hour flight - you will have jet lag - 5 days is a very short time

ghostyslovesheep · 04/07/2015 17:19

oh ffs ignore my stupid typing Grin

LazyLouLou · 04/07/2015 17:22

What about you give your Dsis your passports as well as the dc and then elope to Gretna Green

www.weddingsatgretnagreen.com/wedding-packages/bronze.html

Grin

YANBU, she is being a mardy cow though!

MagicMojito · 04/07/2015 17:26

Dh and I married in Vegas. We went for 2 weeks stayed at MGM hotel, booked limo, wedding chapel, regestra, flowers, photos, DVD recording of ceremony and marriage certificate all for just under 3grand! Best day of my life Smile

Do it!

MagicMojito · 04/07/2015 17:27

(Inc flights)

Original poster
Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 17:35

Yes we've priced up and much cheaper than 4k and we would get a honeymoon as well, which we wouldn't if done in UK

OP posts:
2rebecca · 04/07/2015 17:36

Eloping is running away secretly to get married. You aren't eloping if you're telling your families, you're just getting married abroad.
If you can't have a big wedding then why not have a registry office wedding and not tell anyone until afterwards and save the US holiday money for a holiday when you can sort out a less selfish babysitter or take your kids somewhere else.

Playstationiswhack · 04/07/2015 17:36

Have you considered getting married in Cyprus? You can have a lovely town hall ceremony there for 282 euros. The paperwork required is very simple and no translations are needed. It would be a lot cheaper than going all the way to Vegas!

Original poster
Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 17:44

My dp loves Vegas and I have always wanted to go. So if we were going to do it abroad that is where we want to go. Ok maybe not an elopement but it's our choice

OP posts:
PeoniesForAll · 04/07/2015 17:50

YANBU

Far too many people get lost in the glamour of the wedding day and far too many people get involved unnecessarily in what should be about the couple only.

Speaking honestly, I do not have a sister but if my DBro said he was going to elope abroad I would feel slightly upset. Not because I feel he should include me and spend loads of money but because it is a big life event that should would only happen once. And whilst I do believe the couple are the most important factor in the whole thing a marriage is also the joining of two families to make one. I just feel family is really important and by eloping he had maybe lost sight of this. However if it was ultimately what he wanted to do then I have no right to interfere. So what I am saying is that I understand where your sister may be coming from but also you are right in that she shouldn't inhibit you from going ahead with the elopement if you so wished. She also has no right to make you spend loads of money on a wedding when you don't want to and if she is not willing to contribute financially.

purplesprings · 04/07/2015 17:59

How about a quick trip down the registrar's with immediate family only (no fuss, no bridesmaids, no special clothes) and perhaps a picnic afterwards. Then jet off to Vegas and have the wedding you wanted?

Meganlilly89 · 04/07/2015 18:00

Me & my dh got married in Vegas last year. We took my parents and his parents and our dd who at the time was 2 & half. She had amazing time! I think you would be surprised by how many children are there! We had a couple of nights to our selfs with having grandparents there but also had her there for the wedding. Some other family members were pissed off and friends were but I didn't let bother me, I didn't want a big wedding so it was perfect. It cost us 3k for the 3 of us plus the cost of the wedding which wasnt a lot and then spending money. It's quite expensive so make sure you factor that in. We didn't scrimp as we wanted to have the time of our lives and spent 3k while there, not inc our helicopter trip which was pre paid but cost wasn't our reason for marrying there just simply because we wanted a small wedding x

TidyDancer · 04/07/2015 18:05

Of course it's selfish. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it though. I love the idea, but I don't think you can be pissed at your sister for not wanting to facilitate something she doesn't support.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 04/07/2015 18:12

They now live stream weddings in vagas so she could watch at home with a cold glass of something. Why are weddings seen as such a big life event? 50 years a go you rocked up at a church, few sarnies at parents and went away for a few days. Only more recent commercialism have wedding been seen as a big deal.

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