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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Eloping to Vegas

61 replies

Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 16:33

Me and dp can't afford to get married in UK, to have the kind of wedding we would want would cost around 4 grand, which we don't have, so we were considering going to Vegas for 5 days getting married and having a honeymoon at same time, less money and no hassle, my dsis offered to have our ds when we went on honeymoon but has gone totally crazy when I mentioned the new plan. Me and my dsis are very close and she is really upset about us eloping, saying we're selfish and she won't look after ds. We don't want to take ds to Vegas as don't think it's really a good place for an 18 month old and we wanted our honeymoon at same time, also would mean that we would also have to take my dps two older dc, which would make it I expensive and we couldn't do it.

I guest what I am asking is it selfish to family to elope?

OP posts:

Original poster

Busybuzzybumblebee · 04/07/2015 18:12

I suppose I upset she won't have ds as she knows we can't afford to go, the cost of 5 instead of 2 makes it impossible. I would have been upset to not be included in her wedding but if she said this is the way she wanted to do it, I wouldn't never purposely do something to ensure she couldn't.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 05/07/2015 11:41

Maybe you should try looking into weddings in the UK if the main reason for LV is the cost. Weddings don't need to cost £4k.

I understand you being upset with your sister, but you don't really have any right to make this a 'thing' with her. I'd be surprised if you had ever expected her to do you such a massive favour in babysitting for several days when she was so upset about the reason. It's not her responsibility to facilitate your choices, as annoying as that may be to you.

If you want to do this, you need to find a way that doesn't involve your sister. And definitely don't go without being honest with her just so she does babysit, you risk irreparably harming your relationship with her.

helenahandbag · 05/07/2015 11:47

We're going to NYC in April to get married with no guests and I don't give a flying chuff if it's selfish! We're going for a week and it's costing more than a quickie city hall wedding because we've booked an officiant and photographer through an elopement agency so we can have the ceremony in Central Park buts it's a lot cheaper than a traditional wedding and I have no stress!

postmanpatscat · 05/07/2015 12:05

What on earth is an elopement agency?!

woolymum · 05/07/2015 12:11

eloping is no more selfish than insisting on some fairytale drama instead.

we did it. don't regret it in the slightest

SquirrelledAway · 05/07/2015 12:13

We almost got married in Vegas, but decided to tie the knot in San Francisco instead (it was 20 years ago and not as glam as it is now) - think it was about $90 dollars for the license and ceremony at the City Hall. Stress free and spent the afternoon on the beach.

Our families were OK about it - DH's parents got married abroad anyway, and my sister had already done the big white wedding thing so my mum didn't get to miss out on doing that.

Is it worth saving up and making it more of a family thing with the children, and do it somewhere other than Vegas? You can get married by the Captain on the Tahoe Queen paddle boat on Lake Tahoe, and then have a family wedding dinner on the boat. I always fancied doing that (DH was being practical and worried about getting snowed in at the time).

chewymeringue · 05/07/2015 12:17

Not selfish at all. It's your wedding, no one else's. Otoh not sure what to suggest about your DS if your sister won't have him.

ShiftyFades · 05/07/2015 12:24

I married in Vegas. I searched for ages to find the package that suited and opted for The Chapel of the Flowers - the ceremony was screen live on the Internet and was on there for a month after so people could watch at their leisure, we watched when we got back! We had a great package that gave us 2 cars, copyright and prints of the 140 photos the photographer took, we had photos at the Chapel, the Vegas sign and at the hotel we had book out meal in. All for $995 back in 2007.

My parents came with me but everyone was supportive, I wore a full wedding dress, had my hair and make up done and was every inch a bride. But I enjoyed it, no stress other than choosing the colour of my flowers

Brilliant.

namechangedincase23 · 05/07/2015 12:31

I got married in Vegas, though I did have my parents, DSis and DB there.

It was great. We got married at the Little Chapel of the West which I would reccomend if yo do it.

The whole wedding was about us, not where someones Auntie Mabel was going to sit or what favours to have. We loved it.

DHs family were pretty put out. We didn't even tell them till it was too late for them to come (for good reason) but they got over it :)

notquitehuman · 05/07/2015 14:05

I got married in Vegas. Got an excellent flight and hotel deal for 500 quid each for a week, plus 200 for the wedding and 25 quid in the BHS sale for my dress! The day of my wedding was lovely and chilled. We wandered around the casinos and did fun tourist stuff, the got married in the evening before going out for a posh meal.

Five years on and we are in a much better financial position so are going to finally have our reception. Nothing fancy, just getting family together for booze and dancing. I'm glad we did it this way because it's been so stress free.

notquitehuman · 05/07/2015 14:06

Forgot to say... if you can't do Vegas then I saw a deal for Gretna on a Groupon/Wowcher type site. £200 for a wedding and none of the fuss.

helenahandbag · 05/07/2015 15:00

postmanpat

It's exactly what it sounds like - an agency that arranges your elopement. You pay a sum and they arrange permits, officiants, photographers, flowers, transportation, etc depending on what you want.

florascotia · 05/07/2015 15:31

Don't mean to sound harsh, but am not sure from your post what you are really wanting - a wedding or a childfree holiday?

As earlier poster said, why not quiet - secret if you like - wedding at registry office over here (costs less than £200) and then family holiday with your DC in Vegas immediately after? Don't know what happens in Vegas but, if you want, I expect you can have another ceremony over there, and hire a nanny or childminder for the day (good hotels must be able to recommend trustworthy ones) to help keep an eye on DC during the ceremony.

Elopement agency Also as earlier poster said, elopements are secret runaway weddings, not planned weddings overseas.

ScorpioMermaid · 05/07/2015 17:29

My mum and step dad are coming up to their first wedding anniversary. Their birthdays are both in the same week and they always go away for their birthdays. Last year they told us they were going to Turkey for 2 weeks and when they came back, they invited my Dsis, Dbro, Dsil, DH and myself out for a meal all paid by them. They then told us they had not been to turkey but had in fact been to Las Vegas for a fortnight and had got Married on my StepDads 50th birthday! We were all really happy for them apart from Dsis who was really upset. she got over it.
Do whatever is right for you and enjoy yourselves!

helenahandbag · 05/07/2015 18:31

Stick your judgey face up your arse, I didn't start the company or decide the names of their services! You book an 'elopement package' and they organise it, I didn't realise my elopement/wedding had to adhere to the Mumsnet Wedding Rules.

florascotia · 05/07/2015 18:47

helena No-one is judging. It's just that elopment normally has a very different meaning form the one used by the agency, involving secrecy and lack of consultation. But I suppose advertisers are famous for their creative use of language...(and that's what I was commenting on). Of course you are not responsible for the agency's choice of words.

I genuinely did not mean to offend you, and I very sincerely hope that your wedding trip will be fantastic. I wish you and your DH every happiness for the future. Some advance bridal .

Anon4Now2015 · 05/07/2015 18:48

Selfish is such a difficult term in this context.

I can fully understand that you like the idea of just going to Vegas and getting married just the two of you. But I can also understand that you sister made an offer to babysit your son, to try to facilitate a honeymoon not so that you could get married without her there.

You say you would prefer to get married here if you had the money, so could you not compromise? Get married here in a low-key registry office wedding. Get the last appointment of the afternoon then go straight to a pub and have drinks with friends and family. Then the next day fly out to Vegas for a five day honeymoon. It only need cost £200 more (if that) and would keep everyone happy... AND you would get your trip to Vegas with your sister looking after your son. You could even renew your vows once you were out there if you wanted (in fact that would probably work out cheaper as Vegas vow renewals are cheaper than Vegas weddings)

I have to admit that I am a but judgey about you not including your son in your wedding.

florascotia · 05/07/2015 18:48

In first line of above message, should be 'from' not 'form'. Sorry.

helenahandbag · 05/07/2015 18:52

Thank you. I didn't mean to sound so snippy, I've just changed contraception and I think I'm a bit OTT at the moment

Elopements are big business now, there are dedicated elopement photographers who run amazing blogs about 'runaway' couples and their big days. I love the clash of it all, beautiful brides in their wedding dresses in the loud, busy streets of NYC

florascotia · 05/07/2015 19:13

Helena - thank you! In return, please let me say that I was probably being very insensitive. Sorry.

Gosh - I had no idea that elopements (or elopement photographers) were such big business. I have never been to NYC but everyone I know who has says that it is amazing.

helenahandbag · 05/07/2015 19:19

It really is. We've been twice and DP proposed there last time so it's special in that way. Neither of us want any stress, DP doesn't like his family at all so when we found out that we could marry there it was the obvious choice for us! Wedding, photography and then an obscenely large steak dinner

rosie39forever · 05/07/2015 19:46

We got married at The Little Church Of The West 15 years ago and don't regret it for a minute, I'm a bit of an introvert and the thought of being the centre of attention at a big wedding filled me with horror! We had a fab time and with the money saved paid off a chunk of mortgage, we also went back for our first anniversary .

shakemysilliesout · 05/07/2015 20:43

How old are dps children? Would they be upset to miss the wedding?

BlueBlueSea · 05/07/2015 21:16

I do not think you are being at all selfish.

If it is what you want to do, talk to DSis explain how much it means to you and that without her help you will not be able to do it. Maybe she will understand and support you.

We are doing exactly this next month. Only telling parents and will tell the kids and rest of family when we get back. Very excited.

Andrewofgg · 05/07/2015 21:46

My niece and her partner are getting married in New York. You give notice at City Hall one day, pay a trivial fee, and get married the next. Each couple acts as witnesses to another couple. If you just want a legal marriage during a holiday without DCs you could do worse.

Good luck in any case!

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