to cry hysterically at soft play

[maxxytoe]

It is my sons first birthday
I am so emotional that I'm crying hysterically in the toilets
I don't want him to grow up
Is this normal ?!
The other parents think I'm losing the plot !

I wouldn't say crying hysterically in the toilets was particularly normal, no.

Are you feeling hormonal?

In the gentlest possible way, yes, you are losing it.

Are you pg?

I feel sad every time DS has a birthday. Sort of feeling like my baby boy is growing away from me. (He's 5).

It's certsinly a milestone.
Has it been a tough year?

Not entirely normal, no.

Have you other things going on triggering an outpouring?

A few happy, nostalgic, bittersweet tears are normal but having to hide away hysterical isn't I don't think......

Are you feeling ok in general?

I had a really bad birth, aswell as bringing him up by myself and really bad PND (which i don't think has fully shifted yet)
I'd do anything to go back a year today and do it all over again

I'm not sure I would describe it as normal - watching children grow up, change and become their own people is one of the great joys of parenthood as far as I am concerned. Are you generally coping well with being a mum and today's just a blip? Because it sounds like you are missing out on enjoying the milestones if you are crying at the idea of your son growing up.

Oh Sweetheart.

xxxxx

Enjoy his birthday..... see it as proof that you rock and you as a mother rock, because you do. Are you having help with the PND? I had bad PND and did not get help until a year ago. Best thing I ever did..... I also wish I could 're-do' DS's early years, but I am doing great now.

Cross posted - I would tend to agree that maybe your PND is not completely departed, but I do think you need to give yourself a break! Focus on the positives - soon your little boy will be able to tell you what is going on in his head, and share his secrets with you. He will love you more and more, and you him, and although he may seem like he is growing up fast, you have so much to look forward to!

I had a terrible birth as well. It bloody sucks. Are you physically healed?

Everything healed great , got a lovely scar
Did go and see a therapist for about 6 sessions , it just seems to rear its ugly head every couple of weeks and I break down again !

Dry your eyes and go back to your son when you're ready

He'll only get one first Birthday, so don't waste it in the toilets.

Yanbu to be emotional . I hope you're feeling better now and can enjoy the rest of his party. Have you got someone to give you a hug? Failing that go and get yourself a huge slice of cake

I also had a bad birth and found DD's babyhood difficult. I was a bit like this on my DD's first birthday and still find her birthdays to be quite emotional (she is coming up for 4 now). You are doing a wonderful job as his mother, and his birth is now part of the past. For me, I found I could move on a bit once she had had her birthday!

Oh bless you!

For what it's worth, I found my DD's first birthday to be a kind of milestone after which I started putting the traumatic birth and early days and PND behind me. I understand that feeling of wanting to go back in time and do it better, though.

I felt emotional at the first birthday. It was a tough first year, as most find it difficult but by 1 I really felt the love for my ds and that we were into toddler hood, enjoying life together. At the time it was called the other side of the rainbow.

Try to look forward and embrace your present rather than regretting the past. You did your best and provided you have a happy toddler now, it was enough. Not tv advert perfect, but enough.

At least you are having a party, my son had his first ever tummy bug on his first birthday and I sat on the sofa (with him asleep on me) and cried for most of the day... But I'm a cryer so it was normal for me.

I also cried whenever he went up a clothes size and I had to put the outgrown clothes away

Happy birthday to your little guy :) and for you :)

Don't cry OP. Every day of your child's life is precious. My dgd is coming up to two and so much fun to spend time with and I am looking forward to the age between two and three because that, to my mind is a magical age.

I think I've cried at every birthday so far (number 4 soon, I'll be in floods) but usually in bed at night. I thought it was vaguely normal but maybe I'm deranged.

Ineed yes I did that with the clothes, more than once

OP you've had a tough year, be kind to yourself. I had a bad birth and PND with DS1, and I found his first birthday hugely emotional, much more so than I had expected.

No. That's not really usual.
Try to enjoy the rest of the day and pat yourself on the back at the wonderful job you've done so far, but then, later in the week, go back to your HV or GP (whoever is more approachable) and tell them you are breaking down like this so regularly. See what they can suggest.

I found DS's first birthday very emotional and had several silly rows with people in the week running up to it. Realised that it wasn't his birthday I was finding difficult, but the anniversary of his birth which brought up a lot of issues.

I really struggled to keep it together during his birthday party so I do sympathise.

Well, congratulations on your baby's first year!

The past is a great place to learn from (but a terrible place to live)

PND is horrendous, single parenting can be laborious, but you are still here! Celebrating your baby's birth and doing the right thing.

Big sisterly hugs to you.