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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else always feels on the outside of groups?

74 replies

Mollymoomoy · 07/06/2015 22:55

I've just always been one of those people. Clearly it's something that I'm doing (wrong?) but don't know what? I'm not loud as such but definitely not super quiet.

At school I was always on the outside of things. I am the same at my DCs school with the other mums. And at work too. And in my NCT group after having my eldest child.

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
feckitall · 07/06/2015 22:57

Yep...

FishWithABicycle · 07/06/2015 22:59

Yes.

EmeraldThief · 07/06/2015 22:59

Yes, me.

LindyHemming · 07/06/2015 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feckitall · 07/06/2015 23:00

Bugger..posted too soon..yep.. you are discribing me..when I was a kid..then a mum at school gates and now in work..plus socially..

NoPowerInTheVerseCanStopMe · 07/06/2015 23:00

All the time

Bannerstaying · 07/06/2015 23:01

Yes but the green is not often greener on the other side. This has come up quite a lot on MN over the years and you are not alone. Having experienced being one of the crowd (huge effort on my part when an opening became available!) I chose to retreat to the outskirts again as it took up too much of my valuable time and I really wasn't missing anything useful or helpful.

MrsEvadneCake · 07/06/2015 23:01

Yes but actually feel ok about it. I don't have to worry about making social mistakes or misreading cues.

A couple of close friends suits me.

ClaudetteWyms · 07/06/2015 23:01

Yep, me too. From primary school through to middle age...

ColdCottage · 07/06/2015 23:01

Yes, I am loud and confidante but still doubt if people really like me unless they are old friends and feel on the edge. Think it goes right back to school days and is more about me than others. Still feels crappy though.

ratsintheattic · 07/06/2015 23:02

Yes. Have you worked out why you feel like this? Do you prefer to be peripheral or does it hurt your feelings? Some groups I quite like to be on the edge of whereas others I wish I could get closer. Just very rarely happens for me.

BasinHaircut · 07/06/2015 23:07

Yes. But I'm not much of a people person and don't think I'd do well in the thick of it.

It bothered me when I was younger but as I've grown up ive realised that yes it is probably something I'm doing, but also that's because I don't need to be a bigger part of anything. But most importantly actual I don't want to be as I simply don't want to put the work in.

silverglitterpisser · 07/06/2015 23:08

Yep, I do too. Don't have a solution but yanbu!

FreudiansSlipper · 07/06/2015 23:09

yes some of the time less as i get older

but I am ok with it though i am quite shy at times which can make me feel awkward i make an effort (and it is at times) to say hello to others but i feel no need to be part of whatever group has formed at work, in the playground etc

i have always been slightly on the outside and so have most of the friends i have made not being in the groovy gang is fine with me Smile

funnyossity · 07/06/2015 23:13

I would echo Bannerstaying. I worked hard on being socially acceptable, got into group activities and realised I was really not enjoying most of them. I find for me it's often most satisfying doing things on my own to suit myself.

BlueStarsAtNight · 07/06/2015 23:16

I definitely feel like this too. And it does make me sad, yet I know it's partly my fault as I'm not good at making the effort.

LucyBorgia · 07/06/2015 23:17

Yes. Definitely not bu. u often wonder if I'm setting myself up for trouble by loving my little family more than having a big range of friends. I've never been good at big groups but real friends are worth working at and all that matters really.

herfrom2doorsdown · 07/06/2015 23:18

Yes, always.

thenightsky · 07/06/2015 23:21

Yes, but it bothers me less as I get older, to the point where I don't actually care and it would be far too much hassle to get involved in all their nonsense that I observe when I'm on the outside looking in.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/06/2015 23:23

Yes. I did have a group of close friends when I was a teen but we went our separate ways and I never really found another group, partly due to moving a few times, and working from home.

AlpacaMyBags · 07/06/2015 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollieberrie · 07/06/2015 23:30

Yes yes yes. I wish it didn't bother me but embarrassingly it does. Blush

Janethegirl · 07/06/2015 23:32

Yes, and now I'm older I'm not too sure I careSmile. But I'd like to be more included. However with inclusion comes expectations and I'm not sure the whole thing is worth it!!

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 07/06/2015 23:34

Yes I do. I always feel like I'm a bit invisible that i got to the party slightly later than everyone else and they have all made friends and I show up interrupting conversations and tripping over my tongue.

I always feel inadequate and I don't know why. I used to getting very confident with lots of friends. Now I'm not amd I've no friends. I've a couple of aquaintencez but no one i can call up and say let's do something. I would love to be an integral part of a group, someone of equal value and importance as a friend.

lilifer · 07/06/2015 23:38

I prefer to be on the outside of things.

That way, you can see whats actually going on.