Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To take my MIL up on her offer?

58 replies

mommathatwearspink · 02/06/2015 13:18

My DD (14 months) attends nursery 4 days and spends the other day a week with my MIL. Recently MIL has been offering to let her stay the night before so I don't have to drop her off in the morning and so me and DP can enjoy an evening to ourselves. I keep thinking how lovely it would be but can't help but feel a little guilty for having some alone time when maybe we should be spending that time with her.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2015 13:20

Sounds great to me. I wouldn't feel guilty at all as long as your DD was happy...and I'm sure she will be.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/06/2015 13:20

If your DD likes to stay there then I can't see why you wouldn't take the offer.
My ExH and I always used to put time aside for ourselves to keep things alive. The odd weekend away etc... and I had no problem leaving my DD with my mum and dad. She loved it and got spoilt.

bethatasitmay · 02/06/2015 13:25

Sounds amazing!

TENDTOprocrastinate · 02/06/2015 13:29

I used to do this when dd1 was little. Worked well for us. It worked out better for my ILs too as it meant they didn't have to get up at 6am for me to drop her off (dd1 would happily sleep until 8am)

catgirl1976 · 02/06/2015 13:31

I've done this with DH for some time now. Probably since he was about 18 months old.

DM was collecting him or we were dropping him at hers on a Monday morning and then she had him while I went to work.

Then they moved about a 40 minute drive away.

We now take him or she collects him about 4pm on a Friday.

They take him swimming or to the beach, then give him his dinner and put him to bed.

Then they have a great adventure with him Monday, he stays Monday night and they take him to pre school on Tuesday (he's 3.5 now) and I pick him up Tuesday tea time from Pre School.

He loves it, I get some downtime and it works for us.

I do get the odd twinge of missing him and guilt but he doesn't seem to mind and it works. Plus DH and I get 2 child free evenings which is great and I get can my housework and laundry done.

CrystalCove · 02/06/2015 13:33

Why would you feel guilty? Guilt is too much associated with parenthood and can be so destructive.

BathtimeFunkster · 02/06/2015 13:33

Why not do it once a month and see how you all like it?

BlackTrivet · 02/06/2015 13:48

I've known a few people with this kind of arrangement over the years - I've always been quite envious!

Don't think you should feel guilty at all. Having a time once a week to really get one top of things/relax/go out with DH will help you make the most of all the rest of the time you have with your DD.

Buttercup27 · 02/06/2015 13:51

Give it a try it might work really well. I think maybe doing what bathtime has suggested would be good.

Outwith · 02/06/2015 13:51

Would your MIL like to have my DS too ?

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 02/06/2015 13:53

Sounds lovely! It's really nice for DC to gave a day when it doesn't matter what time they get up, and it's really nice for you to have some flexibility re when you get home from work and the possibility of a night out with DP. Win win!

ItsTricky · 02/06/2015 13:57

She sounds like a lovely thoughtful MIL. Like others have said, it doesn't have to every week. Give it a go and see if dd is happy with it.

ladymariner · 02/06/2015 14:07

Crikey, a nice mil thread!! What a refreshing change

Op, your mil sounds lovely, and if it works for all of you then go ahead, it sounds a win/win situation all round to me. As long as your dd is happy then there's no problem.
My ds used to absolutely love sleeping at my mum and dads, probably because he was adored by both and got completely spoiled. And there was never a problem with that either, because he was well aware of the different rules in our house to my Mum's house!

Littlef00t · 02/06/2015 14:11

Ooh I'd be up for that! You don't have to do it every week, if she's a bit under par etc.

motherofmonster · 02/06/2015 15:45

a different point of veiw -
My dad died suddenly quite recently. He loved my ds to bits and ds hero worshiped his grandad.
A good relationship with your grandparents can be a wonderful thing for a child.
If i knew then that ds would loose his when he was only 5 i would have said yes to a lot more of the times my dad offered to take him fishing, to the cinema and have him for sleepovers.
I used to think it was unfair of me putting the burden of ds onto him. Now i realise that he wanted to spend as much time with ds as he could and have the chance to build as many memories while he was able.

I wish now that they had had each other for longer, and that i am hopefully going to be lucky enough to see my son grow into a adult Not many grandparents get that chance. So let them have time while they can x

Minisoksmakehardwork · 02/06/2015 16:01

My eldest is 7 and all our dc went to nana and gran dad's one night a week and spent the whole of the following day there until we finished work. Now I'm a sahm, the one not at school still go. I see it as one say a week when I can get some things done without tripping over small children, the dc get quality time with their grandparents.

morelikeguidelines · 02/06/2015 16:12

Sounds brilliant!

ineedabodytransplant · 02/06/2015 16:31

I've had to read catgirls post a few times. First time before I realised she meant DD or DS not DH . But then reading it again as her DH makes it funnier because it still makes sense (until the last bit, of course)

OliveCane · 02/06/2015 16:52

Sounds amazing! Can we swap MiLs?

mrssnodge · 02/06/2015 16:58

My DD does this with her DS and her MIL, - I work full time so cant have GDS overnight apart from odd weekends,,but my DD MIL has him Mon/Tues whilst DD works and her MIL often keeps him overnight on Mondays, especially in winter when its dark and cold to collect him and he doesnt have to get out of his cot/bed really early- DD & SILhave a nice night together and GDs loves his grandma-- ( and me his other grandma of course!!!)

GloGirl · 02/06/2015 16:59

Go for it!! Live my dreams!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/06/2015 17:26

Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

If for no other reason than if you have a second child or ever got ill your DC1 will potentially need to stay over for a night or two. So much less stressful if they are perfectly happy to wave you off.

WhetherOrNot · 02/06/2015 18:20

But....but.... GRANNY is spending quality time with her. Why should YOU feel guilty?

Optimist1 · 02/06/2015 18:26

Fabulous opportunity for all concerned! (I know a couple who used to have their DGD overnight once a week and then for the whole of the following day. When DGS arrived and was a few months old the timetable was amended so that one week DGD goes overnight + next day, the following week DGS goes, and the third week they both go together. A really great arrangement as far as I can see.)

crossroads15 · 02/06/2015 18:28

Another MiL available for trade here if you're interested OP..?!

Flip

1 2 3