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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my MIL up on her offer?

58 replies

mommathatwearspink · 02/06/2015 13:18

My DD (14 months) attends nursery 4 days and spends the other day a week with my MIL. Recently MIL has been offering to let her stay the night before so I don't have to drop her off in the morning and so me and DP can enjoy an evening to ourselves. I keep thinking how lovely it would be but can't help but feel a little guilty for having some alone time when maybe we should be spending that time with her.

OP posts:

Nolim · 02/06/2015 18:28

Sounds good! I loved sleepovers at my gps. Plenty of cuddles and sweets!

catgirl1976 · 02/06/2015 18:35

Oh god

Mind you, I wish I could leave DH at my Mums a few nights a week! That really 6would^ be bliss.

yallahabibi · 02/06/2015 18:41

Wow cat girl ! Friday through to Tuesday !
That is one brilliant family member.
I have never had anyone take mine overnight .

HeyMicky · 02/06/2015 18:46

We did this just after moving house and me changing jobs. Was great - DH and I got some much needed time together, DD1 loved it, it let me stay a bit later at work once a week if needed, and it produced DD2

catgirl1976 · 02/06/2015 18:49

I have to say my parents are utterly brilliant and I am aware of how very, very lucky I am.

DisappointedOne · 02/06/2015 18:50

My PIL have grandchildren overnight anything from 3-6 nights a week. They're fucked.

My 4 year old stays over with my parents once a month-ish. That's plenty. I'd rather they enjoy retirement than be tied to even a sleepover a week.

ginmakesitallok · 02/06/2015 18:50

Catgirl, you drop him off Friday afternoon and don't see him again until Tuesday tea time??? So you only have him 3 nights and they have him 4???

ginmakesitallok · 02/06/2015 18:51

Posted too soon, I'd miss mine too much and think that would be too much.

DisappointedOne · 02/06/2015 18:52

No, they have him Friday and Monday nights I think. She says 2 nights a week.

catgirl1976 · 02/06/2015 18:54

Argh! I don't know what I was on when I posted.

Obviously it's DS not DH

And I meant Sunday afternoon, not Friday. So they have him Sunday and Monday nights.

I couldn't cope with not seeing him at the weekend and only having him 3 nights. I miss him enough Sunday pm to tuesday pm (though it is great to have the downtime)

Sockmatcher · 02/06/2015 18:57

It would not have worked for us as breastfeeding and needed the evening feeds for supply but if that hadn't been a concern I'd have said yes!

dixiechick1975 · 02/06/2015 19:00

Sounds lovely nothing to feel guilty about and very practical if you are ill/having dc 2 they will be happy staying. Fast forward 3 years and your dc will happily stay with grandma during school hols etc.

DisappointedOne · 02/06/2015 19:10

Or if you send them off to boarding school at 5.....

whatsagoodusername · 02/06/2015 19:14

Go for it!

momieplum · 02/06/2015 19:17

I personally wouldn't have as I think 14 mths too young. Looks like I am literally the only person on this thread saying that!

blink1552 · 02/06/2015 19:18

Try it. If you find you miss her too much or your mum finds it a bit much, knock it back to every other week or whatever works for you. Just work it out as you go along.

We don't really relish our DC being away for a night when we are working the days either side, but GPs and DC both love it.

DisappointedOne · 02/06/2015 19:26

I personally wouldn't have as I think 14 mths too young. Looks like I am literally the only person on this thread saying that!

You're not.

Musicaltheatremum · 02/06/2015 19:31

Don't think it does the child any harm if they are happy and if parents are happy that's fine too. Some people don't want to and that's also fine. (Just had a gin and typing rubbish now)

PurpleCrazyHorse · 02/06/2015 19:50

PIL had DD two days a week, including two overnights (they picked her up from the CM the day before and kept her for two days, they lived 45mins away from us), from about the age of 1.5yo/2yo.

It was brilliant. DD has an excellent relationship with the PIL and they have been able to have her overnight when ill since then because she's so happy staying there. DH and I got to go to the cinema and see friends, or just simply work late.

I felt a little guilty as DH and I both work f/t so giving up two weekday nights not seeing DD felt a little mean, but we made the weekends family time and PIL understood that we wouldn't be seeing them all the time at weekends because of this.

We miss it now. Obviously had to stop when DD started school and now we've moved away.

Ruperta · 02/06/2015 20:00

Sounds quite a nice plan and it doesn't have to be every week. We don't have any family close so not an option so I am quite jealous!

A word of warning though my PIL have my nephew over to stay a lot, a couple of days a week. The problem is he is very used to grandparent treats etc and as a result has very limited diet & watches ALOT of TV. I sort of get the feeling that SIL doesn't want to complain and rock the boat as they are getting so much help.

redskybynight · 02/06/2015 20:34

I'd also sound a note of caution that you constantly review the situation. My MIL offered to do something similar for BIL and SIL. It was lovely when their DC was a cute, amenable baby, not so lovely when she was a toddler that never stopped and overnight plus a whole day suddenly became way too much - at which point BIL and SIL were used to the extra care and had made plans round it that were awkward to unpick.

SkaterGrrrrl · 02/06/2015 20:42

I'd snatch her hand off. Do review every 6 months though. MIL agreed to do this for SILs baby,5 years and 2 kids later she is still doing it (resentfully) as FIL has since retired and she wants to spend time with him.

kewtogetin · 02/06/2015 21:21

Another one who wouldn't either. I think it's too young and surely if you work full time (which I'm assuming you do?) then the evenings/mornings are the only time you see your child?
I'd go with once a month personally.

MagentaVitus · 02/06/2015 21:26

Will you MIL have mine if you decide against it?

WanderWomble · 02/06/2015 21:28

I think it's good for kids to spend a night away from home starting from being quite tiny.

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