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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have SOME holiday..?

69 replies

MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 18:55

Are you sitting comfortably..?
DP works 4 days, I work 3 so there's no childcare. He does two earlies (sat, sun) and two lates (til midnight mon and tues). I'm a teacher so 8-4 wed- Fri. So far so good.
Obv I have terrific holidays- am on half term as we speak. AIBU, tho, to think that I actually am entitled to SOME HOL? At the moment I have the kids full time Sat - Tues but instead of DP stepping up for his normal childcare days, he seems to think that because I am holiday, I can look after the DC on the other days too. I don't expect to lie on a chaise longue, having peeled grapes dropped into my mouth but surely a 50/50 split of these extra days would be fair? When I unilaterally announced that I was having a holiday day yesterday, leavjng him the onerous task of taking kids out to lunch and a play with MIL, you'd think I had told him I was jining a satanic cult, rather than having a sleep in for an hour then later having a sandwich with my pa! ( before slipping back into norm and chasing about and entertaining MIL when they all piled back here half an hour after me, rather than reading my book and having Five Minutes Peace as I'd planned).
I accept his job is physically hard and longer than mine but even so..?

OP posts:
ChuffinAda · 29/05/2015 18:58

Erm to me being on holiday is spending time with the kids so for me yabu here.

pieceofpurplesky · 29/05/2015 18:59

My exH was like that - still is. Takes no time for DS in school holidays (have made him take 5 days this summer). DS
Doesn't sleep over either so I have 24/7 with him!

ChuffinAda · 29/05/2015 19:01

Surely though as a couple on the days you're all off as a family you spend the time together? Do something as a unit?

Original poster
MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 19:02

Good point ADA, though I feel that a lie in and then playing out with kids while he does tedious bits like cooking, washing, cleaning... would be a fair deal!

OP posts:
BillyBigchin · 29/05/2015 19:02

Well good for you Chuffin Hmm I like spending time with my kids but I also like some time to myself.

YANBU OP.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/05/2015 19:03

I book annual leave on some of the weeks when the kids are off so we can spend time together. DH doesn't get paid holiday either so I don't get any time to myself either. I thought it was the norm.

Original poster
MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 19:05

Missed your second post ADA:
he tends to sleep. A LOT. Also sometimes I do need a bit of time without hearing "MUUUMMeeeee!" Every two minutes.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/05/2015 19:05

YANBU to want some time to yourself.

After all - if you are doing all the childcare, during half term, your Dh is getting a holiday from the childcare he'd normally be doing - so why shouldn't you have some time off too??!

flashheartscanoe · 29/05/2015 19:07

Like most of these things involving shared jobs you need to get this sorted asap so it doesnt become expected. Come up with something so reasonable he can't say no and than talk about it calmly. How about offering to split your holiday days so you get a day each and then a day all together? If you have a plan that you both know about its much more likely to happen.

awombwithaview · 29/05/2015 19:08

No YANBU. Whilst it's nice to have time as a family, you also need some downtime just to yourself. Plus if you are a teacher, you need the odd break from kids full stop I'm thinking! I'm a SAHM to two toddlers and if my DH didn't give me 2-3 hours off most weekends I think I'd actually go a little bit crazy! You need a bit of time to yourself and your DH needs to suck it up.

defineme · 29/05/2015 19:10

YABU I'm afraid, most people's holidays are spent with their kids. However, most people I know also do a bit of tag teaming in order to facilitate alone time. Dh and I take turns going out to do sport/go to the oub or whatever at weekends. Can't you do that in the school holidays, i think having no actual days together as a family like most do on weekendsmust be very very hard, so i would prioritise that in holidays too.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 29/05/2015 19:10

How much does he do on the days he is child free? Actually no,just read your post properly.(I take it "his" days weren't going to be spent all together?I'm going against the grain. Now and again, it is good for the soul to have a bit of child free time. It wasn't like you were on the hoy for 24 hours. If you both get a bit of time to remember that you are human not just an appendage to the kids, then go for it.

BathtimeFunkster · 29/05/2015 19:11

I would expect you both to share your days off for half term.

So his childcare days would be less full on and you'd both get a bit of time to yourselves.

MissDuke · 29/05/2015 19:17

I don't understand. Does he just head out alone all day everyday that you are off?

CPtart · 29/05/2015 19:27

Me and DH have very little family support and have to use up our annual leave opposite to each other for the vast majority of the time to cover all the half terms days, snow days, strike days etc. So we don't have the luxury of "me time" holidays either. I work in the public sector too, with a stressful job and only have 5 weeks leave to spread over a whole year. I understand where you are coming from, but find it hard to sympathise with a teacher moaning about time off tbh.

justmyview · 29/05/2015 19:28

Hmm, part time teacher, complaining about holidays? Sorry, but I find it hard to sympathise with that

irregularegular · 29/05/2015 19:28

Hmmm. I don't know many parents who take holidays in order to spend time alone. However, I do see that if he is getting time alone and you are not (and would like to) then that certainly isn't fair.

If it was me then I would see those days as a holiday for both of you (same if he takes time off). You are lucky that only one of you needs to take holiday at a time to both get holiday. You should decide together how to spend it. Possibly all together, possibly divided up so you get some time to yourself and so does he, if that is what you both prefer. I wouldn't think of it as any more your holiday than his though.

So I think you are both being a bit unreasonable.

irregularegular · 29/05/2015 19:30

And I agree with whoever said never having weekends together seems hard. So for me that's how I would be spending most of the holiday.

Fluffcake · 29/05/2015 19:37

Yabu, totally agree with Chuff.
Dh works shifts and I work p/t. When we are both off during school hols we make a point of having a family day.

Original poster
MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 19:44

Part time teacher is NOT complaining about holidays; in term time I am either working or SAHP, as is DP. Part time teacher is complaining about NEVER getting ANY TIME OFF EITHER IN TERM OR IN HOLIDAY!!

OP posts:
ChuffinAda · 29/05/2015 19:49

Surely that's called being a working parent?

CPtart · 29/05/2015 19:49

It doesn't seem fair, but it's only like thousands of others who find themselves in a similar boat for different reasons.

CPtart · 29/05/2015 19:52

...without half as many days away from the workplace to soften the blow.

Original poster
MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 19:54

I admit, I'm a bit surprised..; I thought most families had weekends together so got a bit of respite from sole care/ work by tag teaming things at the w'end. Clearly my perception of what is normal working parentness is a bit off kilter!

OP posts:
Littlemonstersrule · 29/05/2015 19:54

Given you pass as ships in the night YABU, surely you want to spend time together as a family of holiday times.