Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think I should have SOME holiday..?

69 replies

MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 18:55

Are you sitting comfortably..?
DP works 4 days, I work 3 so there's no childcare. He does two earlies (sat, sun) and two lates (til midnight mon and tues). I'm a teacher so 8-4 wed- Fri. So far so good.
Obv I have terrific holidays- am on half term as we speak. AIBU, tho, to think that I actually am entitled to SOME HOL? At the moment I have the kids full time Sat - Tues but instead of DP stepping up for his normal childcare days, he seems to think that because I am holiday, I can look after the DC on the other days too. I don't expect to lie on a chaise longue, having peeled grapes dropped into my mouth but surely a 50/50 split of these extra days would be fair? When I unilaterally announced that I was having a holiday day yesterday, leavjng him the onerous task of taking kids out to lunch and a play with MIL, you'd think I had told him I was jining a satanic cult, rather than having a sleep in for an hour then later having a sandwich with my pa! ( before slipping back into norm and chasing about and entertaining MIL when they all piled back here half an hour after me, rather than reading my book and having Five Minutes Peace as I'd planned).
I accept his job is physically hard and longer than mine but even so..?

OP posts:

ClawofBumhead · 30/05/2015 01:34

Surely being a teacher with teachers' holidays, working a 3 day week who gets to spend loads of time with their kids, is an advanced state of being on constantly on holiday.

Fucking hell I would swap with you in a heartbeat, you are MADE of holiday! :)

fortunately · 30/05/2015 05:58

Iggi yes it is fortunate that I don't feel like that isn't it? It's particularly fortunate because being a lone parent who works full time, with no family around and a limited social circle I don't get any time off, so it's just as well I don't miss it really.

As far as the OP goes, I fail to see how a part time teacher gets that desperate for a "holiday". She hasn't said how old her kids are, but if she's that exhausted in the school holidays from working three days a week, maybe she ought to get her thyroid checked.

AspieAndNT · 30/05/2015 06:30

I have a simular situation. I work two days a week and Dh is full time. I get approx 6 weeks leave a year and he gets the statutory 5 weeks. I use all all my leave for child care. DH uses 1 week for us to go away and another week whilst the business closes over Christmas week. I still have to worry then so he does have them for those 2 day's.

It occurred to me that he was using his remaining weeks for him. He would take day's off and go away with his hobbies. However I then feel bad as I do have 3 days a week term time to myself whilst the boy's are at school.

Athenaviolet · 30/05/2015 06:31

You should both get an equal amount of 'free' time without the dcs.

Ignore the smug people who want to spend 24/7 with their glorious dcs. Most of us have normal dcs we'd like some respite from now and again.

AspieAndNT · 30/05/2015 06:31

Work not worry !!

AccidentalAnarchist · 30/05/2015 06:42

OP, yanbu. I work FT as does my husband. My job is very stressful and I suffer from depression and anxiety. My husband is wonderful with our son and does the bulk of the childcare due to the nature of my role (hours, travel) - and much as I love my son, I desperately need some 'me' time to decompress so I'm relaxed and enjoy time with him. I took yesterday off work and spent a lot of the day in bed with a book, whilst my son remained in childcare, then I picked him up early and we had a fun afternoon together.
It must be wonderful to have no need to spend time away from your kids but no parent I know personally is fine with no time to themselves
Hope you get some space, OP

MuttonCadet · 30/05/2015 06:48

So anyone who disagrees is accused of being goady?

For what it's worth I love having time to myself, so I didn't have kids.

whiteiris · 30/05/2015 06:53

So during school holidays, DP has three days off each week with no work and no child care. The OP never gets a day off without either work or child care. That's not really fair.

MangoBiscuit · 30/05/2015 07:03

I'm a little confused OP. What is your DP doing during these days? And what happens during his annual leave days?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 30/05/2015 07:13

Yeah I'm confused too. If on the days you're both off he does what he wants while you look after the children then YADNBU.

Shockers · 30/05/2015 07:32

OP, I need to be myself, as well as being a mum. Those days when DH takes over for an afternoon and I head out on my bike are just as precious to me as our family days. I don't think YABU for wanting a little time that's just yours... you aren't a LP, you have someone there who is capable of giving you some time out.

PinguForPresident · 30/05/2015 08:06

YANBU. Childcare should still be split between the two of you so you each get a bit of downtime

Iggi999 · 30/05/2015 08:18

Fortunately , if you were not a lone parent I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be happy watching a partner sitting on his arse while you continued to do all the work. If you have the offer of support, why be a martyr and refuse to take it? I don't get a lot of time away from dcs, but when I do I come back and am a much more patient, cheery mother.

I repeat to others, would you go over to the SAHP board and say they were on perpetual holiday? I'd love to see the response. But a part-time worker is different somehow..?

Charis1 · 30/05/2015 08:25

Erm to me being on holiday is spending time with the kids so for me yabu here.

I agree with this

Icimoi · 30/05/2015 08:30

So what is DH doing on his day off? Is he doing his own thing or sitting around watching you deal with the kids and do all the housework? That would definitely be taking the piss.

I assume also that, like most teachers, you do have to work during the holidays anyway on marking, lesson planning, report writing etc? That probably needs to be pointed out and emphasised to him.

DinosaursRoar · 30/05/2015 08:30

See, I get that single parents don't get the luxury of time off (unless their DCs have access time with the other parent), and they have to do it all, but that's one of the downsides of being a single parent.

If you're not a single parent, that suggests there are 2 parents who will do the childcare and work related to having a family.

On the days/times that no parent needs to work, most families split those times in 3, "family time" (when both parents are doing soemthing with the DCs) then "me/free time" for each parent (when the other one has the DCs). how families split that, bulk for all together, or bulk split as me time, if one parent has a hobby that takes a lot of time at one part of the year they get the priority etc, that's down to individual couples to work out. But it's pretty much universal that it's unacceptable for one parent to take all the "me time" and the other parent to get none.

Unfortunately, far too many men don't seem to see that woman might want, need or have a right to time off too, seeing all available 'me time' as their own.

OP - sit down with your DH and ask how you should divide it up in the summer. Get it agreed, the way I see it, for most school holidays, you'll have 4 free days - so perhaps say you can take one day each a week and 2 days as 'family time'.

DinosaursRoar · 30/05/2015 08:37

Also worth pointing out that the OP never gets the "just pop to the shops without the DCs for an hour" on the weekend either as her DH works the weekends - so the holidays are the only opportunity for them to have any time off, even a few hours.

morelikeguidelines · 30/05/2015 08:59

Yanbu.

Of course you should get some time to yourself.

Ideal would be you and dh spending most of the days you are all off together as a family but both of you getting some.time to yourselves.

Why on earth would he get the right to three days completely free every holiday and the OP none at all?

Yes the op had nice holidays, yes most working parents have to spend all hols doing childcare (depending on whether their time off co-incides) but the op's dh is there too. He is getting a very sweet deal this way round!

If a wohm who had a sahm got good holidays and the sahm was at home no one would suggest the wohm should singlehandedly do all the childcare while he/she is "off".

morelikeguidelines · 30/05/2015 08:59

Sorry, her dp.

Flip

1 2 3