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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I should have SOME holiday..?

69 replies

MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 18:55

Are you sitting comfortably..?
DP works 4 days, I work 3 so there's no childcare. He does two earlies (sat, sun) and two lates (til midnight mon and tues). I'm a teacher so 8-4 wed- Fri. So far so good.
Obv I have terrific holidays- am on half term as we speak. AIBU, tho, to think that I actually am entitled to SOME HOL? At the moment I have the kids full time Sat - Tues but instead of DP stepping up for his normal childcare days, he seems to think that because I am holiday, I can look after the DC on the other days too. I don't expect to lie on a chaise longue, having peeled grapes dropped into my mouth but surely a 50/50 split of these extra days would be fair? When I unilaterally announced that I was having a holiday day yesterday, leavjng him the onerous task of taking kids out to lunch and a play with MIL, you'd think I had told him I was jining a satanic cult, rather than having a sleep in for an hour then later having a sandwich with my pa! ( before slipping back into norm and chasing about and entertaining MIL when they all piled back here half an hour after me, rather than reading my book and having Five Minutes Peace as I'd planned).
I accept his job is physically hard and longer than mine but even so..?

OP posts:

LAGWAFIS · 29/05/2015 20:04

it'd never occur to me that having a day off on my own without kids might happen. Now you mention it it sounds lovely but all of mine and dh's annual leave is used up covering the school hols. We've not had a day off together since they started school.

museumum · 29/05/2015 20:06

So wed to fri in the hols you're both around with the kids?
I'd expect a three way split of time for you, time for him and extra time as a whole family. It's how it's work in our house.

Iggi999 · 29/05/2015 20:15

Is he expecting you to look after him while he gets a free day, or while he does something useful round the house, or does he want you to spend the time altogether? If it's the first one then he's unreasonable. If it's, say, three days you should spend one day altogether and one day off each (or just afternoons or whatever). If you work part-time then having time at home with dcs is no different from a normal week. (Would anyone dare say being a sahp is one long holiday? )

NinkyNonkers · 29/05/2015 20:15

Tbh, regardless of whether others are jealous of your working patterns you should both have access to the same amount of own time.

BlueStarsAtNight · 29/05/2015 20:16

Obviously against the majority here, but I say YANBU - I work 3 days a week and DS is in nursery those days. I adore being able to use a few days of annual leave on having time off while he's at nursery and being able to have a completely indulgent lazy day! I guess it will all change when he's at school though as we'll have to use all our leave to cover holidays.
It doesn't sound fair that you become default child cater when you are both not at work - it should be shared and you should both get a chance to do something for yourselves too.

MissDuke · 29/05/2015 20:16

Op I still don't understand. Say you wanted to go out and meet a friend or get your haircut - would he refuse to have the kids to let you go?

MissDuke · 29/05/2015 20:18

I think the issue is your language - you are saying you don't get holidays, which is clearly nonsense. It seems that what you really mean is that you don't get any free time?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 29/05/2015 20:19

Well... YANBU to want some time to yourself. Would he not look after the kids while you go for lunch with a friend for example?
But lots and lots of people don't get any time off without having the children there.

fortunately · 29/05/2015 20:20

Why does your holiday need to be separate from your kids?

I'm a teacher too and I look forward to spending time with my kids in half term?!

Are your kids particularly awful or hard work?

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 29/05/2015 20:22

YANBU.
DH gets excellent holidays but they're limited to specific times. often when he's off, he's off alone. I get a decent amount of holiday but use it all on childcare. I had one day left. I booked it off and had it all planned - nice shower, blow dry, walk to library, meet friend for lunch, spend the afternoon catching up on a drama I'd recorded and reading. Nothing extravagant - just relaxing. My kids are hardly ever sick. Guess which day one of them chose to be sick on? Best laid plans...

Pilgit · 29/05/2015 20:41

YANBU. Child care and chores should be shared when you're both off to give you both a chance for a lie in. me and DH both work full time but he works at home so has the job of feeding the children. Without discussing it he just automatically stops when I'm on holiday. I've been off this week and I have purposefully not picked it up - I wouldn't mind if he asked me, it's the assumption that it's my job.

fortunately · 29/05/2015 20:45

How old are your kids?

SolidGoldBrass · 29/05/2015 20:52

FFS OP wanted half a day to rest and not have to be running after the DC. That really isn't a lot to ask. I bet the H gets enough time to sit on his arse and read the paper/pursue hobbies/go to the pub.
It's vital to get a bit of time for yourself (ie no kids and no domestic chores).

(I do know that there are some single parents who literally cannot ever have any time off and I am very sorry for those people. But anyone who has the DC's other parent living in the house needs to insist on EQUAL child-free, chore-free time for both parents not just the One With THe Penis.)

DinosaursRoar · 29/05/2015 20:52

YANBU - just because it's the school holidays and you're a teacher that you're getting the answers you are.

This is a question of how you split up the 'me time' available when normally, there's none as between you, you both work all 7 days.

What you are asking is "AIBU to want some (not even half) of the available 'free time' while we both have time off?" And no, YANBU - there is no reason to presume that the man of the family should get all the "me time/free time/time off from DCs and work" available.

irregularegular · 29/05/2015 20:57

Actually, to be fair, I can now see that as you don't normally get weekends together you aren't just missing out on time together as a family but also a little time to yourself. Most people probably don't get a lot - a whole day or even half a day is probably quite rare when they are still small - but they do get an hour here or there. So yes, I can see why you would want to make a bit of time for that as well as the family time.

mygrandchildrenrock · 29/05/2015 21:00

I was a single mum with 3 children, I became a teacher just so I could have the holidays off with them!

Idontseeanydragons · 29/05/2015 21:07

Good grief everyone is entitled to some extra time in bed/sitting in peace if they can get it aren't they?
Most of this is 'well if I can't or don't want to then you can't' which is a touch peevish.
OP, YANBU.

Metalguru · 29/05/2015 21:15

Yanbu. Lots of goady, holier than thou people on here tonight. Of course it's nu to expect a few hours to yourself on odd days neither of you are working.

Iggi999 · 29/05/2015 21:19

Fortunately, it's fortunate for you that you never have the need to clear your head or be alone or peruse an interest of your own or meet a friend without interruptions. I hope you never use a babysitter or any other form of childcare that helps you have an easier life, since you can't bear to be parted fr your dcs! What a smug response.

Metalguru · 29/05/2015 21:22

Totally agree Iggi

StareMesto · 29/05/2015 21:38

So you work and then do childcare whilst your dh works? And presumably your dh does childcare when you work? So if you are not working, Wed, Thurs, Fri, you should be dividing up the free time amongst yourselves equally, as presumably he is normally either working or doing childcare too?

Original poster

MrsWooster · 29/05/2015 22:45

Thanks, more recent posters! It was so one sided that I was getting a bit dismayed also forgot everyone -hates teachers ESP in the hols--!
As far as those who are jealous of my / our hours, we made a choice, and it's a good choice, but it does mean we haven't a penny to scratch our collective arse with. You pays your money....

OP posts:

ChuffinAda · 29/05/2015 23:14

I'm not being goady or bashing teachers just giving a different perspective

pieceofpurplesky · 29/05/2015 23:20

I think what lots of non-teachers forget is that teachers who are parents are almost always with kids!. My exH has always been a nightmare (even when DH). In holidays he just have up doing anything around the home as I was in holiday. His DS (my DSs) lived abroad and we had holiday custody for all hols and half summer. So I had him for the first few years, later joined by our DS. As a teacher I find this the norm amongst my teacher friends (both male and female). The non teaching partner sees the holidays and expects their holidays to include 'me time' as after all a teacher gets 13 weeks. I have managed to convince ex that he needs to share so that I get some time. In the 14 months since separation he has taken 6 days to have DS as too busy to take time off. I threatened court this year if he didn't take a full week off. DS doesn't stay overnight either as for 13 months DH 'couldn't' have him stay (he actually could but chose not to) and now he has a place he deems suitable DS does not want to stay! If that makes sense.
So yes, even teachers need down time away from kids. And I live spending time with mine

pieceofpurplesky · 29/05/2015 23:21

Excuse typos

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