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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL inviting people to our house.

72 replies

WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 00:04

I honestly don't know if IABU or not.

FIL will be 70 this weekend and MIL has arranged a family lunch. Originally it was going to be near where they stay, near their other invited guests too, but 20miles from us. That was great, I was going to drive, all happy.

However, MIL called DH earlier to say they had booked Xhotel near us instead as everyone fancied it so she has just said to them all 'we can go back to the wild family home for tea/cake/wine afterwards'.

I had not planned for this at all but I now seem to have 8 guests coming! AIBU to feel a bit put upon?

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 23/05/2015 00:06

Yes if it's TOMORROW.

VanitasVanitatum · 23/05/2015 00:06

YABU. He's turning 70, that's big, and it's family. Be hospitable, enjoy it, it'll be fun!

Marmalade1144 · 23/05/2015 00:07

Maybe a bit, but tea & cakes not too bad is it? Either make one or buy? Or ask one of the other guests to bring a cake too?

AoifeBell · 23/05/2015 00:10

YABU. 8 people? I thought you was going to say 50! It's his 70th birthday, just ask guests to bring wine and buy some cakes from sainsburys or something. It's only one day.

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 00:11

It is tomorrow!

I have already ordered and collected the cake. I just don't understand what change location and invite everyone here at the last minute. MIL never mentioned going back to hers when booking original venue.

OP posts:
Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 00:15

Plenty of wine etc here. More just the mad rush to get organised, force kids to tidy rooms so nosy auntie so and so can look around etc.

Hey ho, I will smile and be the hostess with the mostess... all be it with no sleep!

OP posts:
IFinishedTheBiscuits · 23/05/2015 00:17

I would panic about this because I never have a tidy house so would require a mammoth tidy! But in the grand scheme of things, I'd get over it.

AoifeBell · 23/05/2015 00:41

Ok tomorrow is a piss take! I thought you'd had a bit of notice. SIBU.

AlternativeTentacles · 23/05/2015 00:41

You have the guests coming? What about your husband, wont he be there then?

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2015 00:51

Yes that is taking the piss slightly with it being tomorrow

But you haven't mentioned your DH, how he feels, what he's said and what he will be doing to help?

abigamarone · 23/05/2015 00:59

You have to think of the positives - you're not driving and can now drink!

CakeUpWall · 23/05/2015 01:02

My MIL did this. She invited BIL to my house for lunch. The first I knew was when he rang me to tell me he'd be late.

This was extremely upsetting as she knows that we have decided to be NC with him, and why, but just ignores it. Angry

Iwasbornin1993 · 23/05/2015 01:02

YANBU I would not like this at all - just because of the lateness in notice and the telling you rather than asking first!

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 01:06

DH accepts their rude ways and doesn't consider the tidying, prep etc I do. Perhaps I'm just more house proud.

OP posts:
Inertia · 23/05/2015 07:53

She is being totally unreasonable.

DirectorOfBetter · 23/05/2015 08:00

YANBU to feel put upon. It's fucking rude to be inviting people to someone else's house without so much as a by your leave.

magoria · 23/05/2015 08:49

So contact MIL and ask her when she is popping round to tidy and prepare food etc

CrystalCove · 23/05/2015 08:52

Well whether DH is house proud or not he can do all the tidying!

AlternativeTentacles · 23/05/2015 08:58

So - tell him he needs to do it if he wants guests, and presume that MIL is supplying said tea/wine/cake.

She says 'jump' - you say 'how high?'

If you don't ever say 'that doesn't work for us' then it will never end.

RB68 · 23/05/2015 09:08

You have tea, you have wine, you now have cake. Tidy downstairs and sod upstairs - stick a sign on the stairs saying "enter at own risk" (Oh OK if bathroom upstairs do that). Get exceedingly drunk and take mickey out of MIL planning skills or lack of. Worse things happen at sea

FryOneFatManic · 23/05/2015 09:12

Why should the DCs be forced to tidy up to allow nosy relatives to look in their rooms? When I have guests, bedrooms are out of bounds except their own if they are staying. Bedrooms are our DCs own space so it's up to them who they invite in.

I agree that it's not reasonable to dump this on you at such short notice, so she can certainly come and help prep, and so can your DH.

MummaV · 23/05/2015 09:13

YANBU to feel put upon, especially at such short notice.

My DM does things like this, in the last 2 weeks she's turned up unannounced with 3 different sets of guests, yesterday was my Great Aunt who is very fussy and judgemental, had I know I would have had a quick tidy up however with a newborn the house was a tip and she came in, tutted, made some rude comments and left, leaving me feeling like an awful person for not having a spotless house.

anyway, that was a ramble about me that you didn't need.

Good Luck with the unplanned visitors. Smile

DinosaursRoar · 23/05/2015 09:15

Make DH clean too! YANBU - I need notice for a housefull of people, our house is 'lived in'.

diddl · 23/05/2015 09:17

I think she was very rude if she just assumed & didn't ask.

Presumably she has known for a while which hotel they were at?

However, only 8 & family not too bad.

Let your husband sort it out.

If they don't like the state of the house, they won't do it again!

netguru2 · 23/05/2015 09:32

My MIL invites her friends to come and look at our house!

We bought a crumbling old pile and have done it up over two years. Three times now I've had the call 'so and so is coming to visit. Do you mind if I bring her over to look at the house?'

I feel your pain. But for 70th birthday I would without doubt capitulate.

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