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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL inviting people to our house.

72 replies

WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 00:04

I honestly don't know if IABU or not.

FIL will be 70 this weekend and MIL has arranged a family lunch. Originally it was going to be near where they stay, near their other invited guests too, but 20miles from us. That was great, I was going to drive, all happy.

However, MIL called DH earlier to say they had booked Xhotel near us instead as everyone fancied it so she has just said to them all 'we can go back to the wild family home for tea/cake/wine afterwards'.

I had not planned for this at all but I now seem to have 8 guests coming! AIBU to feel a bit put upon?

OP posts:
StackladysMorphicResonator · 23/05/2015 10:13

YANBU, that is terribly rude to invite other people to your house without asking, regardless of how much notice you were given.

DirectorOfBetter · 23/05/2015 10:41

And hell would freeze over before I allowed anyone anywhere near bedrooms. I'd have firmly closed doors with 'do not enter' signs at eye height and helpful signs to the bathroom if I didn't have a downstairs loo.

Hippymama1 · 23/05/2015 11:40

YANBU - the lack of notice is a bit rude and the fact that she didn't ok it with you first before asking other people is rude too - your DH should sort this out with her and let her know that it isn't ok.

I would probably let people come over this one time though seeing as it is a 70th birthday...

diddl · 23/05/2015 11:49

And of course by telling the rest of the guests first, OP can't really say no!

Are people really interested in looking around other people's houses-to the extent of kids bedrooms??

They'll see downstairs no doubt & that'll have to do them!

Ejzuudjej · 23/05/2015 11:49

Yanbu. I would be so cross.

inlectorecumbit · 23/05/2015 12:40

I would text or call back just to confirm that MIL is providing the wine and cake Wink

2rebecca · 23/05/2015 13:50

I would accept it this time but would phone and speak to her and ask her not to invite people round to your house without discussing it with you first. The only house she should be inviting people to is her own. If you and your husband wish to invite people to your house you will do so.

TapDancingMollusc · 23/05/2015 13:54

Did your DH maybe suggest it which is why he's not bothered?

I would provide nothing. No wine, no cake, nothing. Would put a pretty tablecloth & cake plates etc on the table and when she arrived tell her the table's ready for your food and smile.

And children's bedrooms are definitely off limits.

VivienScott · 23/05/2015 13:56

My mum does thiss allthe time to me, there are 1o adults and 10 children. I'm left with the short notice catering and cleanign afterwards, worst time it happened I was heavily pregnant with DS, early stage pre-eclampsia and pelvic girdle pain. My now ex was useless at helping out. It is unreasonable to invite people to someone else's house and expect them to cater for and clear up after your guests.

jacks11 · 23/05/2015 13:58

YANBU. I'd be really annoyed. Inviting people round without asking is rude, at such short notice is doubly so.

As others have said, by not telling you until after the issuing invitation to your house, she has made sure you'll agree.

I'd do it, as refusing at this notice will cause more problems than it's worth. However, I would speak to your MIL (or get your DH to do it) and explain how rude you feel she has been. I'd also be saying that if anything similar happens again, you will cancel on her.

turningvioletviolet · 23/05/2015 14:00

i wouldn't mind at all tbh of course my in laws are long dead so i will never be in this predicament i think it sounds nice. It's not like they're expecting a 3 course meal. And unless you're one of those hoarder types, i'd let them just see the house as it is.

turningvioletviolet · 23/05/2015 14:00

just to add, if my mum did this i wouldn't mind either. But i love a big family gathering.

CoupDetat · 23/05/2015 14:44

YANBU, op.

Yes it is a birthday party and might be a nice idea but I find it incredibly rude that MIL just assumed she could go to your house with her guests, yes it is her son's house too and while he might go along with their ways it has to be taken into consideration that you do not.

I would have called or texted her to ask why she didn't give you notice and why she thought it alright to come to your house when was originally hosting the event somewhere else.

Jux · 23/05/2015 15:53

It's a big cheek, but you're stuck with it.

Make your dh hoover and clean if he can't tidy.

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 22:18

They have just gone. I am knackered. Never again.

Eight turned into twelve. They all drink like fishes and asked what was for supper at 7.30 Hmm. So my wine rack is almost empty, dh got sent out for more beer and gin and the bastards ate all the cheese, Parma ham, chorizo, hunmus and pitta bread that was tomorrows lunch!

OP posts:
Twirlwirlywoo · 23/05/2015 22:22

I would be pissed off at this tbh. I would get on with cleaning etc and do it but I think it would be the assumption without any consultation that would get to me the most.

Icimoi · 23/05/2015 22:23

You're a heroine, OP. Make DH do the washing up and tidying. Then get together with him and form a united front to tell MiL that it is not to happen ever again.

Allalonenow · 23/05/2015 22:24

You and all your children need to jump in the car and go to visit MIL for lunch tomorrow!

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 22:25

DH was the first to say never again! I think the booze run in the rain and spending his sat night washing up helped... not to mention the cost.

OP posts:
HicDraconis · 23/05/2015 22:35

Well - your FiL - your dh's father - is never going to be 70 again, is he? I'm sure he had a lovely day surrounded by his family. Which presumably is what it was all about.

Next time there's a family celebration, tell your MiL that you don't want the expense or the hassle of hosting again before she decides that her son and his family can accommodate the rest of them.

notaplasticgnome · 23/05/2015 22:55

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. You're family, it's a bit occasion and it's only a handful of people. As long as I was given enough notice to hoover and clean the bathroom I wouldn't mind.

notaplasticgnome · 23/05/2015 22:55

big occasion, not 'bit'.

Iflyaway · 23/05/2015 23:02

20 miles?!

This is the reason I moved countries.. Smile

CaTsMaMmA · 23/05/2015 23:05

gawd your MIL has some front!!

Well done you and don't let dh forget this! Yes it's family, but really the rudeness of less than 24 hours notice to entertain a dozen folks, is breathtaking

Your MIL wants her Horrorscope reading (one of my dad's sayings) to let her know the horrors that await should anything similar occur in the near or distant future.

TheEggityOddity · 23/05/2015 23:07

Well done OP, I would not be happy having people for dinner after that! When the booze runs out, that would be the cue that the party was over for me! Onto cups of tea and say the fridge is bare! It was a nce thing to do, but not fair at all the day before.