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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL inviting people to our house.

72 replies

WildFlowersAttractBees · 23/05/2015 00:04

I honestly don't know if IABU or not.

FIL will be 70 this weekend and MIL has arranged a family lunch. Originally it was going to be near where they stay, near their other invited guests too, but 20miles from us. That was great, I was going to drive, all happy.

However, MIL called DH earlier to say they had booked Xhotel near us instead as everyone fancied it so she has just said to them all 'we can go back to the wild family home for tea/cake/wine afterwards'.

I had not planned for this at all but I now seem to have 8 guests coming! AIBU to feel a bit put upon?

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 23/05/2015 23:08

Ouch.

I had a similar number of family descend three days after the birth of DC2, completely unexpected, on the way back from the funeral director's (unfortunately timed bereavement). I was in my pyjamas and hilariously sleep deprived but didn't have the heart to turn the grieving widow away from her descendant who bears her late husband's name. So I grinned and bore it, and cried afterwards when DH ignored the carnage of cups and disturbed chairs and cushions.

What are the chances of a repeat any time? Could this be a useful reference for the future? "Hang on, remember the time she... Fuck that, say no quick."

holeinmyheart · 24/05/2015 02:03

Gosh as a MIL I am amazed that anyone would do this. It is outrageous. I am glad that your DH was supporting you and saying ' never again'. Will he say anything to her?
However if you don't see much of your PIL and generally they are kind and considerate, a couple of lapses could be tolerated.
I wouldn't dream of doing it myself though.

CheerfulYank · 24/05/2015 06:24

YANBU! I would need more notice than a day to have my house ready for visitors.

Charis1 · 24/05/2015 06:30

i would just tell her no!

tobysmum77 · 24/05/2015 07:13

Shock that is outrageous. From my pov I would have sucked it up, but for them to eat and drink you dry over the course of several hours is really out of order.

diddl · 24/05/2015 08:38

I thought MIL would at least have supplied the wine & some food!

bellathebluebell · 24/05/2015 08:46

Blimey, I would be very annoyed if she did that to me. It would be water off a duck's back to DH... Hmm

I like to know exactly what I'm doing. I do not like surprises nor do I like people organising parties at my house with a days notice.

Everyone who thinks this is okay must be very laid back...

bellathebluebell · 24/05/2015 08:50

Ha ha!

Yeah, ring her next Saturday and tell her you're all going to come over for roast dinner on Sunday. Once that's over, ask her what's for tea....

Don't offer to lift a finger while you're there and make sure you drink lots of wine....

Tranquilitybaby · 24/05/2015 08:52

It's a pisstake, I'd be annoyed too and would probably say we'll go out somewhere instead.

Everythingsgonegreen · 24/05/2015 09:11

That's MIL.

Mine brought a load of relatives to have a tour of our house when we were on holiday! Every room and tea and coffee- only found out as the neighbours saw them in the garden!

Also arrived with 8 friends to wish us all happy new year when we had spoken to her and told her we were all in PJs suffering from winter vomiting bug....

Used to change my DCs into different clothes when she was babysitting- even bought a different pushchair as she didn't like the 'modern' style of the one I had- so she had one she found aesthetically acceptable when taking the DCs out.

I could go on..but MIL bashing isn't popular on mumsnet.

Tea , cake and wine sounds fine to be honest...do it for your FIL.

NinkyNonkers · 24/05/2015 09:24

Our family does this sort of thing and it is kind of the norm, having cake at home is more relaxed than at a restaurant. They tend to provide cake, wine etc though.

The only time it pushed my buttons was hosting all 10 of us for my mum's 60th at our house, the day after I had got home from having DS...complete with 3rd deg tear and a 2.5l blood loss. Sigh.

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 24/05/2015 11:55

DH was great in the end, I am currently out for coffee with the papers whilst he finishes the clear up!
He has also called mil and said never again. We often host and are happy to do so when we want to but the next time she pulls a stunt like that we are going out for the day without them!

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 24/05/2015 12:45

Ninkynonkers do you host on short notice? OP here was given less than 24 hours, so not reasonable, surely.

diddl · 24/05/2015 13:03

So no thought of reimbursing the wine or food??

RyanAirVeteran · 24/05/2015 13:05

What did she say when he said never again. ??

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 24/05/2015 18:21

She said it was hardly too much to ask for... a few drinks on your fathers special day. DH pointed out that had she asked earlier we would have said yes but been able to get organised instead of a manic rush. She then said how unfair he was being as they are going away tomorrow and needed to pack today, not tidy after a party. That was when he said never again!

OP posts:
RyanAirVeteran · 24/05/2015 18:28

Oh to be a fly on the wall.

AlternativeTentacles · 24/05/2015 18:29

DH pointed out that had she asked earlier we would have said yes but been able to get organised instead of a manic rush.

But he DID say yes anyway! Good that she thought it was fine for you to tidy after a party. Well delegated.

diddl · 24/05/2015 18:30

"She said it was hardly too much to ask for... a few drinks on your fathers special day. "

Of course that's what she said.

Although the drinks were for the party that she had organised!

And if not too much to ask, why didn't she supply it??

Afterall, you supplied the cake, venue & supper!

Original poster
WildFlowersAttractBees · 24/05/2015 18:33

It gets better Angry
Turns out we also paid for their taxi home to save them going to a cash point pissed!

OP posts:
NinkyNonkers · 24/05/2015 18:40

That is beyond the pale tbh, no wonder you're pissed. They're grown adults!

FryOne, yes, we did in fact today for my Aunt's 60th. however it was exactly what thE OP thought she was being landed with...tea and biscuits and they stayed only 3 hrs. It was decided yesterday as Aunt apparently wanted to see our new house.

The post baby 60th was decided while I was off my face in hospital. Am still peeved now.

2rebecca · 24/05/2015 18:46

The point was she didn't "ask for" your help, she told you that was what you were doing, the asking bit never happened and it wasn't just a few drinks which is why she didn't want to do it.
Why did everyone have to go round anyone's house? Hotels usually have drinks, why not just stay there?

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