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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about wedding dresses

78 replies

chelle792 · 20/05/2015 09:48

I am really hoping you will all tell me I am BU.

I'm getting married in November and am going wedding dress shopping with my Mum and my Auntie on Saturday.

Tbh, I'm dreading it. I have quite a low tolerance for shopping on the best of days. I'm worried that I'm not going to enjoy it, am going to look stupid in all of the dresses and that it's going to be a horrible experience.

This is supposed to be the fun part of wedding planning but I just imagine that it's going to be awful.

Please tell me I am BU and that I really will love it :(
I just want to be married!!! :)

OP posts:

gotredonyou · 20/05/2015 09:51

I felt the same and thought I would feel fat & ridiculous in all the dresses. I got there and the staff really put me at ease- tried all different styles of dresses and honestly I felt like a princess! It was so fun!

misskatamari · 20/05/2015 09:53

Awww try not to worry, I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I had a Vegas wedding and a vivien of holloway black and red fifties style dress, so not at all into wedding dresses, but I did go and try some on just for "fun" and honestly, they make you look flipping amazing!

OurGlass · 20/05/2015 09:53

Don't do it then. I felt the same as you, and bought a dress off the internet in the end and it was fine. I didn't even go into any shops and try any on. I didn't want the pressure and I sure as hell didn't want an audience and their opinions.

madreloco · 20/05/2015 09:56

Why would you suddenly like shopping, just because there is even more pressure than any other type of shopping?
I hated it. Why make a big thing of the shopping bit anyway, its hardly the point?

Skeppers · 20/05/2015 09:59

YANBU to feel that way, but you probably will enjoy it more than you think.

I felt exactly the same about wedding dress shopping. I hate shopping, and dresses (massive tomboy), and being the centre of attention.

I only went to 2 shops, on two different days, and was fortunate enough to find exactly the right thing in the second shop. I went in with no idea what I wanted or what would look good, but the assistants were so helpful and professional and just brilliant. They took one look at me and knew straight away what would suit me. Put your trust in them.

I wouldn't try and get it all done in one day. Break the process into chunks. Maybe go to one shop on one day then have a slap-up lunch somewhere as a 'reward'? Repeat until you find what you're after!

Also, don't go for the dress which makes you look the skinniest (for some reason this seems to be the obsession with a lot of brides, regardless of their size), buy the one which makes you feel most like yourself. I whittled my choice down to two; one traditional, princess-y style with a laced bodice which made me look about 4 dress sizes smaller (seriously), and a lacy, sparkly tea-dress with a big poofy skirt. I went for the tea-dress because I could bounce around and dance in it, even though I think I ended up looking like a fat ballerina- I didn't care because I was happy and comfortable! Plus it meant that everyone could see my lovely bright blue trainers I'd bought specially for the wedding.

Good luck!

AmyElliotDunne · 20/05/2015 10:00

I had one made, so it was just me and the dressmaker in her little studio discussing ideas, no parading around with champagne in front of teary eyed relatives!

However, I do regret a little tiny bit not having a 'proper' wedding dress, especially as the next time I get married I will be too old to wear one really (planning on marrying DP in about 10 years time )

Perhaps just keep it brief, only try on something you absolutely LOOOOVE don't get talked into just trying any old thing to see how it fits etc, as you'll use up all your 'getting changed energy' before you find one you like!

Perhaps try to think of it as a little treat for your mum and auntie to be involved in this traditional part of the process for an hour or so, then go and get some nice lunch somewhere!

Original poster

chelle792 · 20/05/2015 10:00

@madreloco I guess I just want to look beautiful.
@OurGlass I'd love to do that but will really want to know that I'm going to be in something that makes me feel good.

I know my OH thinks I look beautiful and I can't wait to marry him. I just wish I could avoid this bit. Saying that gotredonyou, that would be amazing if I really did turn out to enjoy it!
miss that sounds amazing!

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 20/05/2015 10:00

Be ruthless - yes, try on all the different basic styles, but once you have decided that a shape/style then tell the staff you don't want to try any more of those. Usually the staff will help you out by filtering your mum/aunties picks out in the changing room.

I am very, very picky and after a couple of shops I could walk in and say 'no bow, glitz, lace, mustn't be strapless, no big skirts' and narrow down their stock very quickly.

Don't feel pressured to buy anything, and don't put anything on that is over your budget unless you are really prepared to pay that. And don't forget that you'll need to budget for alterations.

And have fun - if you aren't, tell the staff you want to end the appointment, and reconsider how you shop. For some people going with one friend initially is much less stressful, then you can take family back to see the shortlist without the pressure.

AmyElliotDunne · 20/05/2015 10:01

skeppers I want to see photos of you in your blue trainers and tea dress!

Original poster

chelle792 · 20/05/2015 10:02

haha amy your post made me smile about the "getting changed energy". That's where I struggled

OP posts:

Original poster

chelle792 · 20/05/2015 10:05

CMOT that's awesome advice. Thanks. I think it's hard to know the style that suits. I have a small waist compared to my hips and backside so want something that flatters that. I'm sure they'll know the style that suits me.

I've booked in to a couple of really nice second hand wedding dress shops in Somerset so they will probably be quite good value

OP posts:

neolara · 20/05/2015 10:07

I hate shopping but finding my wedding dress was fab. I went with my best friend and it was such fun we wondered why we hadn't done it before.

Also, you will look fab in pretty much every wedding dress you put on. Generally, they are very flattering and so different to normal clothes that you put on the dress and look like the image of "you as bride" you had in your head since you were 5. It's hard not to respond to that with excitement. And I say this as the least girly girl I know.

DottyStripes · 20/05/2015 10:08

I think you'll enjoy it more than you expect, could you look at it as being a dressing up game rather than a shopping experience?

Wedding dresses look dramatically different on than they do on the hanger so perhaps ask them to select some very different styles eg - a fishtail, a princess, a tea dress, an a line, full sleeves, strapless, short sleeved and forget whether you like them or not until you've tried them on. They usually offer you a glass of champagne - which helps

If one style suits you the most then just demand they bring you varying dresses in that style.

You can alter your dress a lot too btw so if you don't like a bling or want more bling they can probably fix that for you...

Just get merry on wine and play dress up

Original poster

chelle792 · 20/05/2015 10:11

you ladies are making it sound like a much nicer experience than I had in my head. Thank you so much :)

OP posts:

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 20/05/2015 10:12

when i was getting married this was my wednesday hobby (the shops were empty so i didn't feel guilty wasting staff time).
It is great fun.

DoJo · 20/05/2015 10:13

I didn't massively enjoy wedding dress shopping - I found it frustrating and embarrassing, but I did find a dress I loved and I sort of enjoyed winding up my mother a bit by overtly 'not caring' about things like tiaras and veils, which is always fun . If this isn't really your thing then there's no reason to put so much emphasis on it as an enjoyable part of the wedding, and that way if you do have fun then it's a bonus!

redexpat · 20/05/2015 10:13

Make sure you wear a strapless bra and pants you dont mind being seen in.

And be open minded, just try different things on for style and see what you fancy. Generally takes the stress away, rather than a I must buy a dress today attitude.

specialsubject · 20/05/2015 10:14

it's not compulsory to wear the giant fancy frock. I can think of no worse waste of a day than going dress shopping. What do you actually WANT to wear?

and definitely second-hand, cheaper and wastes less resources.

DottyStripes · 20/05/2015 10:20

OP what about buying a wedding magazine, there's a small one called wedding ideas or something that's about £3 and I loved because it had real brides in as opposed to all models and there were some really unique styles and ideas, get a bit of a feel for what looks you intensely dislike or love and make a collage - therapeutic and you won't feel totally alien to the wedding dress world when you go shopping. You can always present it to family/staff and let them do all the choosing while you drink and relax.

ItsADinosaur · 20/05/2015 10:21

Try on all shapes and styles, dresses do not look the same on as the pictures or on the hanger. You might be surprised!

Don't be pressured in to buying anything, even if your mum and auntie go all teary or think it's the one. If you aren't sure don't buy it! If you think you've found something go back another day and try it on again. Many brides buy the first thing they try on as they're so overwhelmed about seeing themselves in a wedding dress. Then plenty have dress wobbles later.

If the shop is a good one the assistants will find styles that they think will suit you. If you don't find anything don't worry, just go somewhere else another day. Don't be afraid to go by yourself either, I did this a couple of times and it was great not to have lots of opinions which can cloud your judgement. Don't let the assistants pressure you into buying either.

Mainly, enjoy it. Don't forget that high street shops such as Monsoon, Coast and bhs also do bridal ranges so it's worth a look.

Original poster

chelle792 · 20/05/2015 10:25

red oh no!!! I'm going to go and buy new panties tomorrow!! I've put on a few lb and they're not looking as flattering as usual.

dotty I might go and find that magazine.

Thanks all xx

OP posts:

MamaLazarou · 20/05/2015 10:27

Buy it online and go out for lunch instead? I hate clothes shopping, too.

trixymalixy · 20/05/2015 10:32

I really wouldn't buy off the Internet without trying some on. I thought I wanted an ivory dress rather than white, but ivory totally drained my skin tone. Also what I had thought would suit me beforehand didn't look quite right but when I tried on a different style it looked amazing.

maccie · 20/05/2015 10:44

I was dreading this part of the wedding planning for all the same reasons as yourself but thoroughly enjoyed it.

I ended up buying the dress that was on display in the window(that I was extremely negative and scathing about on my way in and insisted it was a meringue for brides with no taste??)and disliked the styles I thought I would like.

I second the need for decent strapless underwear and also having your hair done nicely(not pulled up in a ponytail as your run out the house in a rush like me.

tabulahrasa · 20/05/2015 10:45

The thing is, it's not like clothes shopping in that...nobody is expecting you to leave with a dress.

It's actually less pressure because it's absolutely fine and expected tbh that you go and try on a load of dresses and then leave without buying one.

Either because you haven't liked one yet or because you want to think about one you did like.

Because it's a big purchase that's what people do.

So it's not like clothes shopping where you need something and if you can't find what you want you feel pressured into getting something that will do instead.

It's just trying on dresses and if you love one, great, but if you don't you just go somewhere else.

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