AIBU about wedding dresses

[chelle792]

I am really hoping you will all tell me I am BU.

I'm getting married in November and am going wedding dress shopping with my Mum and my Auntie on Saturday.

Tbh, I'm dreading it. I have quite a low tolerance for shopping on the best of days. I'm worried that I'm not going to enjoy it, am going to look stupid in all of the dresses and that it's going to be a horrible experience.

This is supposed to be the fun part of wedding planning but I just imagine that it's going to be awful.

Please tell me I am BU and that I really will love it :(
I just want to be married!!! :)

[bananamonkey]

I'm 5'8" and 10-12, I was worried about being too fat for all the samples but I could get into nearly every dress I tried! My actual dress was labelled a size 16 - don't pay any attention to wedding dress sizes or you'll get depressed.

Agree with the advice about trying on a bunch of styles - the woman in the first shop I went to made me try on a completely hideous thing but I really loved the shape and would never have chosen that myself in a million years so it made it much easier to find one I liked. I was totally dreading the whole process but actually it was quite fun, make sure you try on a massive poofy thing for a laugh.

[AgentCooper]

Oh I feel for you, chelle. I loved planning certain aspects of my wedding (doing flowers, decorations etc - it was very DIY) but I HATED wedding dress shopping. I felt so claustrophobic in the bridal sections of department stores, among all those meringues and shop assistants pulling the curtains back to look at my pasty body! My mum and sister came with me and, God love them, made me feel even more stressed and sweaty.

So I went shopping alone and found the most beautiful dress in Debenhams for £140. It was a Ben de Lisi one (white version of a red one Kate Winslet wore to the Oscars) and it was great for my figure (big boobs and bum, smaller waist). People ask me 'did you cry when you saw it in the mirror?'

Did I fuck!! I breathed a sigh of relief! And I ordered a lovely bridal cap/veil thing from Etsy.

My advice is to go shopping alone at first, so you don't feel any pressure. Just do a couple of shops per day, don't knacker yourself. Just tell yourself you're getting a lovely dress, forget the whole wedding business!

[siilk]

I also didn't relish the idea of dress shopping. I also was living in the Middle East at the time so the fashion was for VERY ornate, huge dresses. Not my thing at all! So I ended up having my dress made. Much more fun and was soooo much less stressful!!

[chelle792]

Thank you all so.much for your reassurance. I'm going to go and get a new bra tomorrow with clear straps (hate strapless bras and will probably have a dress with straps as it's a Nov wedding). I'll let you know how it all goes - no time to go on my own now because I've already booked for Saturday with mum and auntie. I'm definitely going to have a glass of wine for lunch inbetween the two appointments. I know that I get the shop to myself so crowds wont be a problem (other people, I think, are the most stressful part of a shopping experience).
I shall report back after my appointments ??

[spad]

I felt exactly the same as you. The whole 'wedding' thing gave me the creeps . I just wanted to be married to my DH too . If you get on really well with your Mum and Auntie then go on Saturday and at least humour them. If you don't get on and you think you will be put under a heap of unnecessary pressure then definitely cancel.

Fwiw , the very best thing about the wedding for us was the 'just married ' feeling. I think for a lot of people there is a huge let down after their big day and all the build up is over but if you are not motivated by that the the being married bit is so extra wonderful!

Good luck !

ps have you tried places like Monsoon?

[rhnireland]

I am NOT a shopper but I got my wedding dress picked out in one day and it was relatively painless. My Tips

Wear a strapless bra. It makes it a lot easier when you're trying on different dresses

Listen to the shop staff. They dress people in these dresses every day and tend to be a good judge - I ended up in a dress that was perfect but not one I would have tried on myself

Be VERY clear about your budget and stick to it

Finally this may sound strange but go for the more low key shops. I got way better service in a small little wedding shop then in a larger more popular one or a fancy boutique type shop.

Hope that helps

[Justusemyname]

Ime the assistants make all the difference. Tried on two dresses, allowed to take photos, weren't sure and wanted to visit another shop that had a dress I'd seen in a magazine. Staff were not welcoming or nice at all, not helpful and all I could think about was this other dress. Made an excuse about wanting a drink and left. First shop assistant said they knew I'd be back but just not that quick. They know their stuff but equally they can lose a big sale if they show disinterest.

[pointythings]

You really don't need 6 months. I got engaged Christmas Eve and married the following April.

As for the dress - I walked into the first shop, saw the dress on a mannequin - only they didn't have it in my size - I was a 16. So I tried on one dress which was dreadful, a second dress that I was going to buy because it was lovely and a perfect fit - then the sales lady rushed into the changing area to tell me that the dress I'd first spotted had just come in with a new shipment in a 16 and it was now 50% off - raw silk dress and jacket (think Edwardian riding dress style, very vintage) for less than £500.

It didn't even need the slightest bit of alteration. I still have it, DD1 wants to get married in it. It really needn't be stressful.

[specialsubject]

the world is full of wedding dresses. I'd be surprised if you need to buy it 6 days ahead.

organisation tip - tell no-one it is a wedding. Stops the prices doubling.

[Scholes34]

Started off in a small boutique that made dresses and they set me off right (I'm also not a keen shopper). They actually had bits of dresses to see if I suited a longer or shorter body, the style of neckline, etc. We then went on to every bridal shop in the vicinity. I got wedding dress fatigue by Debenhams at 8.00 pm (and the assistant was snappy and told me so). I also made an appointment in Harrod's, as I'd seen a dress in a wedding magazine I quite fancied. Didn't like that actual dress in the end, but found another style, which my cousin sketched and we then went back to the original boutique and had a similar style made (for £400).

The staff in Harrod's were so down to earth and lovely. It's true what a pp said - these staff are dealing with brides every day and have a good sense of what suits. Dresses on hangers look different to dresses on people.

I didn't like the assistant in Debenhams, though!

[Scholes34]

That was 20 years ago now, though, so the staff in Harrod's and Debenhams might have changed.

[chelle792]

Well......I did it!! Thank you all so much for your advice.

I went to a very lovely little shop which sells end of line and ex-display dresses.

She asked what I want. I said "I don't know". She was happy with that and said that A-line would suit my body shape. Found 'the one'

Went to a second shop which was horrible - a charity place. Most of the dresses were too small and I couldn't get them over my big hips/bum!

Back to the first shop..... it's now hanging in a dress bag on my wardrobe!! I can't believe I picked it up there and then!!

Bad news is it's a corset one and I do need to lose a stone. But that's manageable. I didn't mean to pick one where I needed to lose weight but it just accidently happened!

Sooooo happy! :)

Seeing the venues tomorrow!! Thank you all xx

[OrangeVase]

Congratulations. I am pleased for you. and thanks for reporting back. it is nice to hear that you are happy and it worked out well

[fedupnorthernmum]

I felt the same! Went on my own and had been advised by all my friends to go to a what I thought was a very pretentious wedding dress shop and was adamant that I wouldn't step through the door! But then one afternoon I was passing and thought 'why not?'
I found a wonderful dress, the lady was just lovely and as soon as I tried on the second dress I knew it was the one. Didn't need anyone else to assure me, paid the deposit and then took only my sister to see it a week before the wedding. Do it your way, you don't always need others to validate your choices, but I'm sure that you will enjoy it so long as you don't place too much pressure on yourself.

[fedupnorthernmum]

Haha just read your last post, well done!

[cluecu]

I hate clothes shopping, was dreading wedding dress shopping but ended up having some lovely days with my mum at various shops around Manchester

I found the actual trying on and decision making stuff quite wearing but I hadn't realised how much it all meant to my mum and things got quite emotional, in a good way

One of our favourite memories is picking up the finished dress, taking it to the restaurant next door and having many glasses of wine.

Try and think of it as a bonding experience if you can

[EugenesAxe]

It's fun but there was one shop I went to that were dead snooty to anyone above a size 12. I think if you encounter any judgey shops like that just go quickly.

It is worth going to try on as sometimes you will be taken by a style you'd previously not given any thought to. Be opened minded to a reasonable extent and just go with it! Remember to line up appointments at several places.

[Skiptonlass]

I hated it... All the frocks in the shops near me were grotesque. I felt like I'd been upholstered rather than dressed. I also hated being in my pants in the shop. plus they were all a size six, all covered in fake tan and way too small and long, so none bloody fitted me! I found it most unpleasant and called it a day after shop number two.

In the end I bought one from bhldn off t'interweb. Looked lovely :)

My advice would be have a good look around on the web first. Don't think you have to stick to a traditional dress, wear whatever you like!

[HappyIdiot]

definitely agree with the poster who said wear nice undies. I went to try on dresses on my way back from a music festival. I hadn't showered, I was wearing my last massive clean pair of pants and an old bra that had once been white and was now a manky grey colour.

not very glamorous so it was a good job I loved the first dress I tried on

[Esssss]

Yanbu I hated wedding dress shopping too, felt really self conscious but what made it easier was going with a very open mind - I ended up trying on a dress I never would have picked off the rack as my friend begged me to and I LOVED it when it was on. Luckily that was the first shop. Don't feel like you need to stick to stereotypical wedding dresses. Be comfortable and feel good that's the important thing. What is nice about wedding dress shopping is going for prosecco and cakes before and after-- that made it easier

[Esssss]

Oh just read back - congrats!! You can relax now, done and dusted!

[FindoGask]

I hated the whole ghastly charade too. I spent probably less than two hours trying on maybe 3 dresses and then just picked the least awful.

[chelle792]

In case anyone wondered.... My dress buying palaver is going to start again because as it so happens there will be one extra guest at the wedding in the form of a baby bump! Whoops I'm going to buy online this time!

[AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain]

Congratulations OP!

Have you looked in the high street? BHS, Monsoon and Coast all do dresses. I'm not sure how far along you'll be but I thought I'd suggest it.

[LilyMayViolet]

Oh wow! Congratulations! Sorry you have to start again!