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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3 year old with too much power? - venting

33 replies

tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:27

I got a text from a friend this afternoon asking if she could come over as "she was supposed to be writing job applications but her son wanted to play with his friends." She came over and my two boys (3 and 2) were playing with her 3 year old son. The two 3 year olds found some cobwebs in the garden and were putting them on each other. Her son decided he didn't like the game and demanded his son tell my son off for putting cobwebs in him. I expected her to do nothing but she did as he asked. I refrained from saying anything to keep the peace. Throughout the afternoon he continued to try to get me to tell off my son about various other unimportant things like my son getting a drink, a piece of bread off the table etc. My friend seemed less than impressed that I didn't respond to these demands and my response to her son of "I don't listen to tell tales".

Writing this down it seems very trivial but it got me annoyed and with my husband working away during the week I've no one else to vent at.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2015 19:31

My new rule is that I only listen to tales when they are not told just to get the other child in trouble. The cobweb thing; had the child asked your child to stop doing it? Because if so, I get why he came and told. The drink and the bread; meh!

Original poster
tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:36

No he hadn't asked my child to stop doing it and had started the whole thing.

OP posts:
mikado1 · 11/05/2015 19:40

Don't think would make a point of referring to 'telling tales' , apart from anything, they weren't tales as such but I wouldn't have pandered to him on the latter situations-'He can get a drink that's no problem would have been my response' and agree with pp re cobwebs. Fair enough if he didn't like that!

Tbh from what I have seen this kind of thing results from parents commenting on others' good/bad behaviour all the time or learned from others they mix with. I will be giving my lo short thrift if he goes on like that. Yabu.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2015 19:40

My friend seemed less than impressed that I didn't respond to these demands and my response to her son of "I don't listen to tell tales". I can see why she would be less than impressed, it's very critical. I tend towards, "well, if he's putting cobwebs on you and you don't like it, what can you do?" or "you can have a drink if you want one, as can he".

Rather than criticising the child which is bound to piss the mum off and have the child not listen.

mikado1 · 11/05/2015 19:42

X post.

In that case I would have probably said 'He doesn't like that anymore' to your ds. If I was his mum I would have said 'just tell him if you don't like it'.

OddBoots · 11/05/2015 19:42

That sounds really annoying, I don't think I'd have them around again and I'd find it hard to bite my tongue about it.

mikado1 · 11/05/2015 19:43

Yy MrsTP!

RabbitSaysWoof · 11/05/2015 19:43

Reminded me of a day at my own friends this week.
It's embarrassing when children boss their parents around.

mikado1 · 11/05/2015 19:45

Sorry I meant yanbu!!!Blush

Original poster
tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:46

She shouted at my son and made him cry for the trivial action of putting cobwebs on her son. But I'm unreasonable for telling her sone to stop telling tales when my ds got a got a piece of bread off the table?

OP posts:
Original poster
tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:48

sorry mikado1 was you posted whilst I was writing

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2015 19:49

Well since you didn't mention the shouting or the tears... In that case, I would have said, "never shout at my child again" and I would have left. Completely different to the OP.

Original poster
tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:50

Sorrey my op should have read. Her son demanded that she tell off my son which she did immediately

OP posts:
Original poster
tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:51

It was my house!

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 11/05/2015 19:52

I would have gone with the tale telling line too, that's what he was doing and that behaviour is irritating.
FWIW I wouldn't be upset if someone pointed out to my child they were being rude in those circumstances, whining about another childs behaviour in he's own home when it doesn't even effect them, but they probably wouldn't need to because I would probably get in and tell dc first.

LadyDeadpool · 11/05/2015 19:52

Drip feed.

I hate the tell tales crap it becomes confusing for young children about what they should tell an adult about I.e bullying.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2015 19:54

It is irritating Rabbit but lots of children are encouraged to tell tales and so it's really unfair to tell them off for it.

NRomanoff · 11/05/2015 19:54

Honestly I don't like people using the term telling tales. Dd didn't speak up about being bullied for a while because her teacher used to say it and she thought she would get in to trouble. For me it can make children think twice about speaking up, when something bothers them

Personally I would have stepped concern she told my son off and made him cry. And told the boy that my son is welcome to get drinks in his own house and I wouldn't be telling him off and added, would you like a drink.

The mother ibu in my opinion for telling your son off and generally being ordered around by a child. But I wouldn't have been impressed with the phrasing.

mikado1 · 11/05/2015 20:00

You didn't mention shouting or crying!! That is of course U. Apart from anything you should be the one to speak to your child if needed.

NRomanoff, a nice distinction is if you're telling just to get someone in trouble it's telling tales, if you're telling to stop someone hurting you or someone else, it's not.

RabbitSaysWoof · 11/05/2015 20:04

Wouldn't people teach their children when thats appropriate tho? ie when something makes you upset or you are worried about something.
Don't all children have a go at basking in the glory of being the one who wasn't naughty by trumping up other kids minor offences? I would nip that in the bud it would make dc unlikeable in the long run.

RabbitSaysWoof · 11/05/2015 20:05

crossed with mikado

Quills · 11/05/2015 20:17

Well, I wouldn't have stayed quiet when she shouted at my DC and made them cry, that's for sure! That was your chance to firmly draw the boundaries and you missed it.

NRomanoff · 11/05/2015 20:38

NRomanoff, a nice distinction is if you're telling just to get someone in trouble it's telling tales, if you're telling to stop someone hurting you or someone else, it's not.

DD understands that now, but as a 7 year old, repeatedly hearing that made her feel it would her in trouble. Even though I never use the phrase, she didn't want to tell us incase we told her teacher and her teacher thought she was a tell tale. Kids hear things but don't always get the meaning behind it. I think its a bad phrase to use. Slight distinction or not.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2015 03:18

Yes, these children are three. I don't really think they understand those distinctions yet. Encouraging them to express what the actual issue is and teaching them how to deal with things is what I would make the priority.

mommy2ash · 12/05/2015 04:12

Are you seriously saying you stood there while another adult shouted at your three year old till he cried?

Forget all the nonsense about cobwebs and bread that is what you are being unreasonable with