3 year old with too much power? - venting

33 replies

tired999 · 11/05/2015 19:27

I got a text from a friend this afternoon asking if she could come over as "she was supposed to be writing job applications but her son wanted to play with his friends." She came over and my two boys (3 and 2) were playing with her 3 year old son. The two 3 year olds found some cobwebs in the garden and were putting them on each other. Her son decided he didn't like the game and demanded his son tell my son off for putting cobwebs in him. I expected her to do nothing but she did as he asked. I refrained from saying anything to keep the peace. Throughout the afternoon he continued to try to get me to tell off my son about various other unimportant things like my son getting a drink, a piece of bread off the table etc. My friend seemed less than impressed that I didn't respond to these demands and my response to her son of "I don't listen to tell tales".

Writing this down it seems very trivial but it got me annoyed and with my husband working away during the week I've no one else to vent at.

OP posts:

FieryJuliet · 12/05/2015 04:23

Well the mum sounds awful to be honest and I find it a bit rude that she invited herself and her son to your house in the first place. If my dcs want someone to play with we invite a friend to our house.

Sounds like she is going to be one of those parents who let their dcs dictate everything. I know a few of these, but try to avoid them. I find it so odd really - the world is not going to revolve around those dcs once they are grown up, so why make things so hard for them later?

3 is a little young to get the difference between telling tales to get someone into trouble versus telling an adult because you need their help. My dcs get this now but they are older - if they are simply trying to get a sibling into trouble I'm not going to listen. Obviously this child is not going to learn that difference from his mum if she keeps pandering to his demands.

mikado1 · 12/05/2015 06:29

Of course 3 too young, which is one of a few reasons why I said that I thought saying that was U, I was giving the distinction to a pp whose 7 yo thought she would get into trouble.

Teaching 12 years and have never referred to telling tales, just don't find it helpful.

NRomanoff · 12/05/2015 07:13

Teaching 12 years and have never referred to telling tales, just don't find it helpful.

Totally agree.

Balaboosta · 12/05/2015 07:52

Okay, I get the problem with saying "telling tales" but my nephews pull this stunt and I hate it. It's really hard to deal with because the other parent is watching you and you don't want to be manipulated y their child in the way that that they are allowing themselves to be. So if you don't do want the child demands there is an implied criticism. Difficult. Needs to be handled carefully.

PeachyPants · 12/05/2015 08:07

Your friend shouting at your 3 year old and making him cry was totally unreasonable. With hindsight do you think you should have intervened at that point? Did you spend the rest of the visit simmering with resentment at your friend more so than her child? Was the telling tales response a little passive aggressive or displaced anger? Seriously I think I'd be revaluating my friendship with her, it'd annoy the hell out of me being around them. I do agree with what others have said about telling tales being a confusing response for a 3 year old, I think MrsTerryPratchet has made excellent points about alterative responses.

lantien · 12/05/2015 08:28

Your friend shouting at your 3 year old and making him cry was totally unreasonable. With hindsight do you think you should have intervened at that point?

I'd have intervened at that point - first trying to defuse the situation - and possible started to make noises about it being time for them to go.

The bread stuff - I think I'd have probably responded with - yes I know he's allowed it's our house our rules in a friendly happy but no nonsense tone. To stop the whole he's doing wrong things from other DC.

Next time she asks to come over - say no your busy.

pictish · 12/05/2015 08:36

I'd have out and out said, "Err...on what planet do adults make disciplinary decisions in their own home based on the whims of a visiting toddler?" and given her the face. Just to let her know how bonkers it is.
She could like it or lump it after that. If she wanted to lump it, so be it...sounds like a situation that could soon become aggravating and tedious anyway.
I'm not fond of parents who do what their kids tell them to do. Spineless.

Marmiteandjamislush · 12/05/2015 09:02

YWU on 3 counts IMHO:

Not intervening re the cobwebs. The children are 3 and if one doesn't like it but others keep on doing it, you should say: 'I think X has had enough of that game, boys, let's find something else to do.' If it continues you follow up with: 'DS, that is unkind. Stop it now.'
Telling tales, for all the reasons others have said. Plus coupled with point 1 sounds like you are taking your frustrations on the mother out on the child, which is horrible and the child will realise it and feel upset.
Not dealing with the tension between you adults, which resulted in your child being told off and crying.

Also, I have to say, you don't sound as if you like your 'friend' or her little boy very much, so why keep seeing them?

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