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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH going on long weekend with mates for 50th

34 replies

hambo · 07/05/2015 13:55

My DH just asked if he could go for a long weekend with his mates in Sept or Oct this year (one of them is 50). I said it was up to him, so he said he was going to go.

He goes away with these friends about 4 times a year for weekends but not long weekends. He works for himself so hardly ever takes days off and as the school holidays are Sept/Oct I presumed we would go on a long weekend with the children.

Anyway, I told him that if he was going away then I would take the kids away the same weekend. He doesn't want this, he wants me to wait until he is around.

I feel IABU to be annoyed at him, but I feel he IBU to want me to stay in the house hanging about whilst he is having fun and we are wasting our time off!!!

OP posts:
googoodolly · 07/05/2015 13:57

I think if he decides to go away, he can't dictate what you do when he's not around! If he wants to go away with his mates in the school holidays, then he misses out on family time. His choice.

Leeds2 · 07/05/2015 13:58

I would take the kids somewhere, and then go ahead with a weekend for you all when he is free. Just don't go somewhere with the DC that you know he particularly likes/was looking forward to visiting.

Quitelikely · 07/05/2015 14:02

Why can't you wait for him the October holidays are long enough for two weekends.

Sounds to me like you resent him going

Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:03

googoo - that's what I thought! I thought it was quite a good solution as I am a bit (perhaps unreasonably) annoyed at him.....

Leeds - You are very kind, I was thinking the opposite (evil!)

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 07/05/2015 14:03

I agree it sounds like just because he is going away you want to take the kids away to make a point. Can you do something locally, and all go away when he is back?

Leeds2 · 07/05/2015 14:04

I never said it was what I would do!!!!

coppertop · 07/05/2015 14:04

He made the choice to go away on that particular weekend. You should have the same option. I would go away too.

He can make the arrangements and book time off for a different weekend away with his family.

Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:04

Quite - I think I do resent this, and I know it is perhaps unreasonable. The thing is, me and the kids will have the Oct holidays but he doesn't take any so I can't imagine him taking two long weekends near to each other - it's likely to be either or...

OP posts:
googoodolly · 07/05/2015 14:13

The thing is, why should OP have to be stuck home with the DC while her husband goes and has fun? That way, he gets two nice weekends and she only gets one? How is that fair?!

I would also not be impressed if DP tried to tell me what I could do with our (hypothetical) DC while he was off out with his mates.

Bearbehind · 07/05/2015 14:19

He can't have it both ways ie he can't object to you going away with the kids as he wants to go away with them too and then not go away cos he's just been away with his mates.

Either he arranges both long weekends, one with his mates and one with you and the kids, or he accepts you are going to take the children away whilst he's away with his mates.

ImperialBlether · 07/05/2015 14:20

But at the same time, it's selfish of her if she knows he'd love a weekend away with the children and she deliberately takes them when she knows he can't go.

He's your best friend, isn't he? So wave him off on his weekend away and plan for something for the whole family at another time.

Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:22

ThanksBear, I think I'll say that to him. If he arranges two weekends that will be ok, but if he can only take one weekend then I'll go on my own the same weekend (with the small of course!).

OP posts:
googoodolly · 07/05/2015 14:22

But if it's a long weekend away, then surely it's limited to when the DC are off school (assuming it includes Friday and Monday)? So OP can't take them any other time if it involves taking them out of school.

Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:24

Imperial, yes he is, and I never stop him from doing anything, infact it makes me happy when he is happy with his friends. However I can't shake the 'annoyed' feeling I have, and really wondered if IABU or not. (thanks for comments x)

OP posts:
worridmum · 07/05/2015 14:26

The only way to sort if your unreasonable would you like it if your husband took the children away on holiday while you were also away ?

If the answer is yes your would YABU
if the answer is no you would not mind your husband/partner taking the children on holiday without you YANBU

Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:27

Well, I thought me taking the kids away when he was away was a good way of stopping me from being annoyed at him for spending his precious holidays with his friends. Yes, we are limited to what days we can go away due to school....!! And yes, I agree part of it is that he would miss being away with us - but why should we do boring stuff when he is having an exciting time!

OP posts:
Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:31

Worrid - good question! I am having a weekend away in June (2 nights) and would not mind if he went away, unless it was somewhere like Paris etc! Or Legoland......hmm! So the outcome is I think I might be being a bit unreasonable!

Thanks all, I feel a bit calmer now. Perhaps I will just go to a more local town so that it doesn't feel like he is missing out too much...but I will still feel like I am having a mini adventure.

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 07/05/2015 14:31

If the DH is away, he can't really dictate what hambo and the kids will be doing that weekend. If he wants to plan another weekend with the whole family away, that's great, but he shouldn't squash any of her plans for the weekend when he will be living it up with his mates.

keepsmiling2015 · 07/05/2015 14:38

You're doing it as a kind of punishment. Well it seems you are because you said 'part of it was that he would miss being away with us'. So I think yabu.

Can't you do something fun locally while he's away? Or have a night out/away yourself when he's back.

Bearbehind · 07/05/2015 14:46

They way I'd read it googoo was that the mates weekend was already in school holiday time hence the issue of the DH have 2 long weekends close together if they went away as a family as well.

Original poster
hambo · 07/05/2015 14:56

I said that 'part of it would be that he would miss being away with us'....yes, that is true. But if he only misses us because we are having fun and he is not there, then that is daft.

The point is that he will not take two long weekends near each other, and so I will miss out on a wee break with him. (probably!)

I suppose I am trying to make a point to him.

I keep deciding IABU and then next second thinking I'm not!

OP posts:
sunbathe · 07/05/2015 15:04

Provided you have the money for 3 trips away, why shouldn't you go away with the kids when he's away?

One for him.
One for you and the kids.
One for all of you.

I think he's being selfish.

DowntownFunk · 07/05/2015 15:06

Do funds stretch to him going away, you and the children going away at the same time then all of you going away together?

DowntownFunk · 07/05/2015 15:07

X post Grin

Notso · 07/05/2015 15:07

Not quite sure if I understand this but,
if you want to go away when he is away just to make a point YABU I can't stand that kind of pettiness.

If you want to go away then because it's your only opportunity to go away with the children then YANBU.