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AIBU?

DH going on long weekend with mates for 50th

34 replies

hambo · 07/05/2015 13:55

My DH just asked if he could go for a long weekend with his mates in Sept or Oct this year (one of them is 50). I said it was up to him, so he said he was going to go.

He goes away with these friends about 4 times a year for weekends but not long weekends. He works for himself so hardly ever takes days off and as the school holidays are Sept/Oct I presumed we would go on a long weekend with the children.

Anyway, I told him that if he was going away then I would take the kids away the same weekend. He doesn't want this, he wants me to wait until he is around.

I feel IABU to be annoyed at him, but I feel he IBU to want me to stay in the house hanging about whilst he is having fun and we are wasting our time off!!!

OP posts:

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Apricota · 07/05/2015 18:35

YANBU. Happy for him to go. Happy for you to chose what you would like to do with the kids. Everyone has the choice.

hambo · 07/05/2015 16:22

Yes, we could afford three trips but it is more that he will only take the extended weekend once every so often, so Oct/Sept will be used up by this 50th trip.

We'll have to wait until December for the next one!

I think I'll go away, but not somewhere he'd like to go too much.

Thanks for all your comments!

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WhoNickedMyName · 07/05/2015 16:13

*have a fun weekend

WhoNickedMyName · 07/05/2015 16:13

YANBU, he is. Go away with your DC, havens fun weekend.

if he feels he's missing out tell him he's more than welcome to book time off and arrange a different weekend for you all to go away together.

ChopOrNot · 07/05/2015 16:09

thought

ChopOrNot · 07/05/2015 16:08

If you are going away so that you and the children can have a fun time and it is a good time to do it then YANBU.

If you are doing it to make a PA comment then YABU.

When my DH goes away for the weekend (2-3 times a year) I do fun stuff with the DCs - bowling,, day trip curry, film he wouldn't necessarily enjoy. I would go away if that is what I tought would be a nice use of the time/only time we could go. Unless there was no other option I would not do a film/activity/place where he would really enjoy/get something out of iyswim. Even if I was a bit pissed off at him for going. because then I couldn't protest if he went somewhere I really wanted to go when I am away for the weekend

blushingbooty · 07/05/2015 15:41

Why have you not said to him before now 'its fine if you want to go but we never go away together because you don't take time out for it and haven't had a family holiday so if you do go I'll be making sure we get one.'

That way he knows the him only holidays are annoying you because you dont get family ones. He makes his choice and you get yours?

devon004 · 07/05/2015 15:41

Yanbu. He is.

googoodolly · 07/05/2015 15:07

I still think YANBU.

You are limited to when you can go away as a family due to school holidays.
DH has decided to use some of that time to go away with friends.
You then decide that as he's away enjoying himself, you're going to take the DC's somewhere so none of you miss out.
He then gets a sulk on because he can't go, when he chose to go away during school holidays in the first place.

If DH wants to come, he needs to rearrange his weekend with his friends so you can all go away during the holidays. If he refuses to do that, then he doesn't get to dictate what you can do during the holidays while he's off having fun without you!

DowntownFunk · 07/05/2015 15:07

X post

Notso · 07/05/2015 15:07

Not quite sure if I understand this but,
if you want to go away when he is away just to make a point YABU I can't stand that kind of pettiness.

If you want to go away then because it's your only opportunity to go away with the children then YANBU.

DowntownFunk · 07/05/2015 15:06

Do funds stretch to him going away, you and the children going away at the same time then all of you going away together?

sunbathe · 07/05/2015 15:04

Provided you have the money for 3 trips away, why shouldn't you go away with the kids when he's away?
One for him.
One for you and the kids.
One for all of you.

I think he's being selfish.

hambo · 07/05/2015 14:56

I said that 'part of it would be that he would miss being away with us'....yes, that is true. But if he only misses us because we are having fun and he is not there, then that is daft.

The point is that he will not take two long weekends near each other, and so I will miss out on a wee break with him. (probably!)

I suppose I am trying to make a point to him.

I keep deciding IABU and then next second thinking I'm not!

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Bearbehind · 07/05/2015 14:46

They way I'd read it googoo was that the mates weekend was already in school holiday time hence the issue of the DH have 2 long weekends close together if they went away as a family as well.

keepsmiling2015 · 07/05/2015 14:38

You're doing it as a kind of punishment. Well it seems you are because you said 'part of it was that he would miss being away with us'. So I think yabu.

Can't you do something fun locally while he's away? Or have a night out/away yourself when he's back.

ArcheryAnnie · 07/05/2015 14:31

If the DH is away, he can't really dictate what hambo and the kids will be doing that weekend. If he wants to plan another weekend with the whole family away, that's great, but he shouldn't squash any of her plans for the weekend when he will be living it up with his mates.

hambo · 07/05/2015 14:31

Worrid - good question! I am having a weekend away in June (2 nights) and would not mind if he went away, unless it was somewhere like Paris etc! Or Legoland......hmm! So the outcome is I think I might be being a bit unreasonable!

Thanks all, I feel a bit calmer now. Perhaps I will just go to a more local town so that it doesn't feel like he is missing out too much...but I will still feel like I am having a mini adventure.

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hambo · 07/05/2015 14:27

Well, I thought me taking the kids away when he was away was a good way of stopping me from being annoyed at him for spending his precious holidays with his friends. Yes, we are limited to what days we can go away due to school....!! And yes, I agree part of it is that he would miss being away with us - but why should we do boring stuff when he is having an exciting time!

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worridmum · 07/05/2015 14:26

The only way to sort if your unreasonable would you like it if your husband took the children away on holiday while you were also away ?

If the answer is yes your would YABU
if the answer is no you would not mind your husband/partner taking the children on holiday without you YANBU

hambo · 07/05/2015 14:24

Imperial, yes he is, and I never stop him from doing anything, infact it makes me happy when he is happy with his friends. However I can't shake the 'annoyed' feeling I have, and really wondered if IABU or not. (thanks for comments x)

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googoodolly · 07/05/2015 14:22

But if it's a long weekend away, then surely it's limited to when the DC are off school (assuming it includes Friday and Monday)? So OP can't take them any other time if it involves taking them out of school.

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hambo · 07/05/2015 14:22

ThanksBear, I think I'll say that to him. If he arranges two weekends that will be ok, but if he can only take one weekend then I'll go on my own the same weekend (with the small of course!).

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ImperialBlether · 07/05/2015 14:20

But at the same time, it's selfish of her if she knows he'd love a weekend away with the children and she deliberately takes them when she knows he can't go.

He's your best friend, isn't he? So wave him off on his weekend away and plan for something for the whole family at another time.

Bearbehind · 07/05/2015 14:19

He can't have it both ways ie he can't object to you going away with the kids as he wants to go away with them too and then not go away cos he's just been away with his mates.

Either he arranges both long weekends, one with his mates and one with you and the kids, or he accepts you are going to take the children away whilst he's away with his mates.

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