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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would DH BU to use the baby change in the women's loos?

75 replies

RevoltingPeasant · 12/04/2015 12:40

Today I went swimming for the first time since DD was born in Jan. It was great! I used our local council leisure pool which has a park attached. DH came with me and walked DD outside in the buggy till I'd done.

Only when I came out, she was crying hard because her nappy was dirty. DH had taken her into the leisure facility to change her, only to find that the baby change was in the women's.

This has pissed me right off. What about single dads? What about uncles and granddads out for the day with DC? This building is new, maybe 5 years old at most, so it's not outdated architecture.

AIBU to think this is shitty sexist planning, and that DH should've just marched into the ladies' and sorted DD out?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 12/04/2015 12:42

I would complain.

And yes I think he would have been right to use the only available facility.

MidniteScribbler · 12/04/2015 12:44

I think you should complain.

Was it in the women's toilet, or was it in a change room. If it were in a toilet, then he should use it. Women are going to be in cubicles. If it's a women's change room, then I think he needs to check first that women aren't getting changed before he goes in to use it. But he should never be in that position, the pool needs to provide another change facility.

SurlyCue · 12/04/2015 12:44

He certainly could have asked the staff to allow him in to use it and to let ladies entering know he was in there so they could choose to go in or use the disabled loo for the few minutes he was in there. Definitely put a complaint in writing to the centre and ask for a response detailing their plans to accommodate men caring for babies in future.

slightlyeggstained · 12/04/2015 12:44

If I came out of the loo to find a man standing there changing his baby's nappy, I would be entirely supportive and inclined to complain with him that it's not good enough.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 12/04/2015 12:45

Thanks.

See generally, I am a big fan of women not bring made to feel uncomfortable in what is undoubtedly a male dominated society. So,normally I'd be very against a man barging into the women's.

But I feel an 11 wo baby's comfort outweighs that and the fault lies with crappy sexist architecture.

OP posts:
Wibblypiglikesbananas · 12/04/2015 12:46

This would have annoyed me too but he could have used his initiative and changed her somewhere else instead - I've changed my two in all manner of places over the years in the absence of proper changing facilities. Sounds like it wasn't raining if he was walking outside so couldn't he have used a bench or his knee? The car boot (done that one a few times in desperation)?

Definitely agree that a council facility should have changing tables accessible to parents of both genders though.

slightlyeggstained · 12/04/2015 12:46

OTOH, there's a better place to change that nappy. On the desk of the leisure centre's manager.

SurlyCue · 12/04/2015 12:50

OTOH, there's a better place to change that nappy. On the desk of the leisure centre's manager.

Grin

Might have them rethinking their facilities rather sharpish!

softlysoftly · 12/04/2015 12:50

Well no I would complain it does really irritate me. There should be unisex facilities as even at an older age DH has to use the disabled loo or inflict urinals on our 5 and 2yo which isn't good enough really.

But he could have changed her on the floor, a carboot middle of the cafe while complaining loudly anywhere really. Invest in a fold out plastic mat!

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 12/04/2015 12:51

midnight sorry it was a toilet. Not a changing room.

OP posts:
drinkscabinet · 12/04/2015 12:54

OTOH, there's a better place to change that nappy. On the desk of the leisure centre's manager.

LOL, so so tempting...

DH is a veteran complainer if there aren't changing facilities somewhere other than the ladies loos. If he'd complained they'd have found him somewhere sharpish, and if they hadn't a Daily Fail sad face article is needed.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 12/04/2015 12:55

?e have a fold out plastic mat but DH wouldn't have changed her inside in the floor he is not as arsey as me

There is the car boot but it was very chill and windy here today and she is only tiny. He didn't want to maker her cold. I would've changed her in the car myself but tbf, he is a new dad and probably over cautious.

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 12/04/2015 12:56

I agree that it's not good enough in this day and age. But I also think he could have used his common sense and changed baby on the floor or a bench somewhere.

Is it your first baby? Early days, you will both become adept at changing nappies in all sorts of strange places!

zazzie · 12/04/2015 12:56

It would be fine to use the ladies loo. Our local council puts the disabled loos into the male and female toilets so I have to take ds into the female toilet all the time.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 12/04/2015 13:01

Phantom, yes can you tell?? Grin I do change her in odd places as I'm on mat leave so spend much more time with her but DH only takes her out on weekends and I think is less confident.

OP posts:
scarletforya · 12/04/2015 13:04

Show him how to do it on his lap in a cubicle. You just sit on the loo and lie the baby on your lap. Or the car, yes.

SingSongSlummy · 12/04/2015 13:28

We've been complaining about this for the last five years. We've finally with nappies for our two now, but DH shared a lot of the parenting and often found himself barred from the changing station by virtue of his sex. It's as if everyone who built these facilities just assumes it's the mother who changes the baby. Grrrrrr. Btw, DH got very good at changing them in public places (often in order to annoy the management of said places!)

KissesBreakingWave · 12/04/2015 13:39

This is STILL happening? I had this problem with DS2 (who, if his little sister's grassing up is to be believed, is currently in the pub and likely there to remain for some time).

magoria · 12/04/2015 13:41

My ex used to knock on the ladies and ask before entering.

14 years ago. I can't believe this still happens!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 12/04/2015 13:44

Yes, I agree this is very inconvenient and quite wrong. But a changing station is not a prerequisite for changing a nappy. You can change on a lap, on a chair, in the pram, anywhere really. He was silly to leave her in a dirty nappy.

KatieKaye · 12/04/2015 13:53

A new-build leisure centre should definitely have baby-change facilities that are separate from the toilets.
And separate from disabled/accessible toilets too.

it's pretty shocking that they don't consider the needs of their users.

I'd be contacting the Director of Leisure at your local council about this, not the local manager, as IMO this is an issue that needs to be dealt with at a higher level

Trapper · 12/04/2015 13:53

I don't understand why he needs to use the ladies toilets. If there were no facility in the ladies toilet either what would he do? I agree with the other posters that he should just find a spot and change the baby.

BossWitch · 12/04/2015 13:53

Ah I think the OP's dh is getting a bit of an unfair time of it here. He's a new dad, he's not the main carer so is lacking the confidence to just plonk his pfb on the floor and get on with it. He wanted to change the nappy in the buildings's changing facilities - these SHOULD NOT have been inaccessible to him.

I would complain. It should be feasible for the place to get a baby change table into the men's as well.

Trapper · 12/04/2015 13:58

If OPs DH is getting a hard time it is because he left a baby in a dirty nappy when the child was clearly distressed. Explaining this away as being okay because he has a penis is rather patronising.

Original poster
RevoltingPeasant · 12/04/2015 14:00

Thanks Boss. To be fair to DH he thought the car would be too cold for her - she is only a tiny thing and feels the cold. Also outside the loos in question is a very busy public space with leisure centre cafe, queue for pool tickets, various concessions selling crappy Peppa Pig swimwear etc. bit like a railway station really, it would be hard to change a baby there without getting in lots of people's way.

Anyhow have complained on their FB page so let's see!

OP posts: