Would DH BU to use the baby change in the women's loos?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Today I went swimming for the first time since DD was born in Jan. It was great! I used our local council leisure pool which has a park attached. DH came with me and walked DD outside in the buggy till I'd done.

Only when I came out, she was crying hard because her nappy was dirty. DH had taken her into the leisure facility to change her, only to find that the baby change was in the women's.

This has pissed me right off. What about single dads? What about uncles and granddads out for the day with DC? This building is new, maybe 5 years old at most, so it's not outdated architecture.

AIBU to think this is shitty sexist planning, and that DH should've just marched into the ladies' and sorted DD out?

[CrohnicallyInflexible]

Maybe there are changing facilities in the men's changing rooms? Or in a different toilet? Thinking of the layout of my local leisure centre, with 'dry' toilets off the reception and 'wet' toilets off the changing room/poolside? If that's the case then there needs to be clearer signage!

[wanttosqueezeyou]

Perhaps he'll just ask where the baby changing facilities are next time before getting you to complain for him.

It does seem unlikely in such a new building that there aren't any.

Totally agree that facilities should be accessible to men but he WBU to go in the ladies toilets.

Please come back and tell us after you've checked!

[BubGal13]

Can't believe all those having a go for a bay being in a dirty nappy for like...30 mins tops??! Don't lie to yourselves and say that every time your baby poo'd- if on a car journey, when sleeping at night etc. you were right there in an instant to ensure it was changed. Just cant always happen. I bollock DP about most things (poor man) but in this case I'd have completely understood and vented at the leisure centre, not him.

If I walked into loo or out of cubicle and saw a dad changing a baby in there I'd think "how sweet" and wouldn't bat an eyelid otherwise, but he shouldn't have to resort to this.

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Firstly, the leisure centre is massivley sexist and in the wrong for not providing baby changing facilities which are available to BOTH parents.

However, in these specific circumstances I would have expected your DH to have changed the nappy somewhere else (many places don't even provide facilities - what would he have done then?), rather than going into the female toilets. And afterwards, immediately have gone to the manager to lodge a formal complaint.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Okay, so the leisure centre's response is that there are in fact changing facilities in the men's loo.

But DH looked and there weren't.

Also the doors of the loos have the universal laydee symbol plus baby symbol on one, and the man symbol only on the other.



We are going to double check next time we are in but I think they are bs-ing.....

[toffeeboffin]

Totally ridiculous, once again it's just assumed that we women are the care givers.

[Trapper]

lol @ Omen.

Baby changing should be accessible to all and it really is crazy that baby changing is not included in gents toilets when the equivalent facility is included in the ladies. Similarly frustrating are the baby changing facilities in disabled toilets that are only accessible if you have a radar key (my local park being a good example). Even when gents toilets do have changing tables, they don't always have anywhere to dispose of a nappy and wipes. Ladies toilets always (in my limited experience - I am male) have sanpro bins that a nappy can be crammed into.
The point I made upthread was that this should not be an excuse for leaving a distressed baby in a dirty nappy, but that point has been done to death now

[SoupDragon]

Not a typo - I meant women with PMT

[Andrewofgg]

obviously the omen could just sit on a wall outside,

Nice typo, Soup

[SoupDragon]

But most places(supermarkets, pubs, fields, woods, garages, mountains) don't have baby changes at all

You (and others) are missing the point. Of course people can change a nappy anywhere but it is sexist to provide changing facilities that only a female can use. Imagine the uproar if a cafe only let men sit inside - obviously the omen could just sit on a wall outside, they don't need to sit inside...

[SabrinnaOfDystopia]

I'm very precious about women's spaces, but I would never mind a man changing a baby's nappy in a women's changing room/toilet.

I do object to men trailing in after the mum just standing there staring at me bf-ing my baby though! Oh yes, that's happened to me more than once.

[LovelyBranches]

OP Don't accept any excuses for a lack of facilities. My local leisure centre (council owned) has a shared changing room. Basically its a large room with loads of cubicles, including about 10 family cubicles which the whole family can change in, with a nappy changing facility. It's amazing and I love taking DS there. It has a separate shower area, again with individual cubicles.

I wish every public space considered it's service users as much.

[spectral]

YADNBU OP, we hate this! you must print the leisure centre's FB response here so we can decide whether it's good enough Also, for everyone saying you can just do it anywhere -- with a tiny one, fine, I did that all the time, but as they get bigger and more aware (and just plain bigger) it doesn't work so well. I wouldn't change my 2yo in front of everyone, she's got to a stage where more privacy is appropriate.

[DeeWe]

If that had been dh then I'd have sent him back in to find one and magically I'm sure one, or a suitable place would have appeared. It was amazing the excuses he found not to change dirty nappies.

Mind you he never realised until I told him after he had no need that I used it to my advantage. "Can you change their nappy? I think it's dirty. I'm just going to ". he'd volunteer to do the other job leaving me to do the nappy, which often wasn't as dirty as it might have been

[DinosaursRoar]

I would complain - because just because you can change a nappy anywhere, I prefer people to change stinky nappies in a toilet, and so can get rid of said stinky nappy (as where there's a changing facility, there's a bin).

Complain.

[VipersBosom]

I complain when the only available baby change is in the women's loo. I point out that owning a vagina is not a necessity for changing a baby.

[DancingHat]

I am the mother of a daughter who used do fresh a fresh air wees and poos at that age. As a new mum I really needed to settle myself down somewhere and get all the stuff out including a change of clothes for her which was often likely. Even now she's 2 I still prefer somewhere proper to somewhere makeshift as it's just easier. I don't blame your DH for getting flustered. My DH would have done the same as a new Dad. It's the not knowing what to do for the best and not wanting to draw attention to yourself. A bit like when you bf for the first few times in public. Eventually you don't care and can't remember why you bothered caring but at the start not looking a div at being a new parent is a big deal. Making a formal complaint is an excellent idea as well as social media shaming.

[ShadowStone]

It's terrible planning for a modern building to have the only baby change in the women's toilets. The architects should have considered that fathers may also need to change their child's nappy.

I would agree with pp's who advised asking staff to check if anyone was in the ladies toilets, and then the father changing the baby there. And writing a letter of complaint about the sexist design of the building.

As for why not change the baby on the floor / car / knee etc - of course a baby can be changed just about anywhere if you've got a portable changing mat. But if you're in a modern leisure centre it's perfectly reasonable to want to use the specialist baby change facilities there, where you can change the baby in relative comfort and be able to wash your hands properly afterwards. Especially if you're a new parent and still getting to grips with it all.

[MummyLuce]

But most places(supermarkets, pubs, fields, woods, garages, mountains) don't have baby changes at all - your DH can't only take your baby places with unisex changing facilities or his life is going to be drastically limited!

He needs to be able to change a basic nappy without a full on changing table. Get a portable roll up mat (or even bring a towel in your nappy bag) and plonk it anywhere and everywhere

[MyFriendsCallMeOh]

If it's so easy to change a baby in the boot of a car, floor or park bench, why do changing facilities exist???

[ProudAS]

Ignore the gobbledygook - phone went crazy in pocket.

[ProudAS]

I think he should ask the staff for somewhere private to change the baby. Some people (myself included) retch at the sight of poo. If there are changing facilities in the ladies I steel myself before going in but not to find men.

Plus - if the staff get asked regularly a suitable facility might just get installed.xzcccccXxzzSssssssszzszzzzdxaeeawwsA

[CaptainHolt]

I have been sexually assaulted in a ladies loo (years ago but I still get nervy) and I would hate to walk out of a cubicle and find an unexpected man, but I don't see why a staff member couldn't have gone in to see if anyone was in there and checked/announced that a man was coming in, like male cleaners do. It's not really fair on men either, to expect them to march into a space that they've spent decades being told to stay out of.

OP, did the staff not offer any suggestions when they told him the only facilities were in the womens?

[ArcheryAnnie]

You are absolutely right about the shitty sexist planning which puts the only baby chance in the women's loos, but no - men shouldn't go in the women's loos, even if they want to change a baby.

It isn't convenient, I agree, but there is usually somewhere you can sit to do it. And if people complain about the smell/sight/whatever, then your DH can point out that he has no choice.