Would DH BU to use the baby change in the women's loos?

[RevoltingPeasant]

Today I went swimming for the first time since DD was born in Jan. It was great! I used our local council leisure pool which has a park attached. DH came with me and walked DD outside in the buggy till I'd done.

Only when I came out, she was crying hard because her nappy was dirty. DH had taken her into the leisure facility to change her, only to find that the baby change was in the women's.

This has pissed me right off. What about single dads? What about uncles and granddads out for the day with DC? This building is new, maybe 5 years old at most, so it's not outdated architecture.

AIBU to think this is shitty sexist planning, and that DH should've just marched into the ladies' and sorted DD out?

[RevoltingPeasant]

It's not because he has a penis Trapper, it's because there wasnt an obvious place to change her and he knew I'd be out shortly. And yes, like many new parents we are still figuring things out!

[Primaryteach87]

Oh really, this is not about the OP's DH (poor man getting ridiculous flack!).
OP totally agree this is unacceptable. A number of friends are Stay at home dads to young babies and have this issue. There is lots of sexism dads have to contend with. It must be particularly failing if you are your child's main carer!

[WorraLiberty]

I would definitely complain OP

On a different note though, I've never needed a baby change unit to change a nappy.

Probably because I'm an old fart and I remember how well we all managed without them

But now they have them, they shouldn't be in the ladies toilets/changing rooms and not the men's.

[FishWithABicycle]

Good that you've complained on fb. But write a more formal letter of complaint too.

There are places in our area that resolve this by replacing the "Ladies" sign with one saying "unisex baby changing, and ladies toilets"

[Primaryteach87]

^ autocorrect! Failing= gauling

[OutragedFromLeeds]

YANBU re. the sexist architecture, but your DH was being unreasonable to leave the baby in a dirty nappy. You can change a baby almost anywhere. In the buggy for a start, on his knee, on a bench in the park.....he's going to encounter lots of places that don't have changing facilities over the next few years. He might need to start thinking outside the box a little bit.

[Icimoi]

He should have asked at the ticket office for somewhere to change her. They're only going to do something about this if it starts impinging on the way they run the place.

[worridmum]

can you imagne the outrage if baby changing was only located in male toliets there would be unamous YANBU and you not be getting flack as much as your DH.

I personally would make a formal complant

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Yanbu to complain. Or rather your dh should have been complaining and sorting it out instead of waiting for you to finish and rescuing him to do it.

My dh took our daughter into the ladies loo at the park the other day because the one in the men's had no toilet seat. The ladies was a cubicle so no harm done.

I'd like to see more unisex loos with a sink inside so they accessible to more people. Putting facilities like the baby change or sodding toilet seat! in with just one sex is ridiculous. Even worse is when the baby change doubles up in the disabled loo because that just makes it inconvenient for everyone.

All a baby change needs is a bench, a sink for handwashing and a proper waste bin or instructions to take nappies away if that's not possible because it's a church hall or whatever.

[SoupDragon]

I cant believe people are blaming the OPs DH for not changing his baby in X Y or Z place when, had he been female, he could have used a comfortable and convenient changing area.

The fault lies entirely with the sexist design of the leisure centre. Had it been a woman who was unable to access facilities due to her gender, I suspect people wouldn't be suggesting she should simply have gone elsewhere.

[RevoltingPeasant]

Outraged I'm sure he will but we've only been parents for 11 weeks. :)

I cannot imagine changing her on my lap! She is queen of the ninja wee and wees EVERYWHERE quite frequently when you take her nappy off. We pack a change of clothes for her, but not for us too! Far too cold to change her outdoors today unless real emergency.

[RebootYourEngine]

It doesnt matter that he could have changed her anywhere. Its more that the facilities that were available were in the female toilets and he was male so unable to use them.

A lot of us are old timer parents but the Op and her DH are new parents and havent figured it all out yet. Cut them some slack.

[ProudAS]

I think he should have asked the staff. If enough men ask and complain something may just get done. I like the suggestion of using the manager's desk though.

I don't think that simply walking into the ladies would be the thing to do. Most mums may not mind but teenage girls changing their sanpro, sexual abuse victims etc might and it only takes one person to complain.

[Topseyt]

The point is that men are often responsible for looking after babies now too, and should have the facilities available to them too, so that they are not embarrassed to go in and use them.

All too often when my children were babies the only baby changing facilities around were in the disabled toilets. Now they are often also in the normal ladies toilets too, (though often with little room for a pram), but I am told that they are not in the men's (haven't barged in to check for myself though ).

My husband never minded changing the baby if needed, but he disliked getting down on floors in public changing rooms or toilets to do it, so it still usually fell to me if we were out and about because I could go and used the baby changer in the ladies.

[CrohnicallyInflexible]

He should have asked the staff- they may have been able to check if there was anyone in the ladies', and stood outside to warn anyone before they went in that he was in there. At the very least, he should have filled out a complaints card as I agree, nothing will get done if they're not aware there is a problem.

On a side note, how many people on here would have complained had the DH used a bench or similar to change a soiled nappy! And then touched things without washing his hands! I seem to recall one thread on here where someone complained that a woman had changed their baby's soiled nappy in the toilet, never mind anywhere where poo shouldn't be.

[KurriKurri]

Where I am living at the moment there are womens, mens and family toilets.The family ones have changing facilities and loos that either parent can tale mall children into. Much better idea - not sure how a father would be expected to change a baby int he mens urinals !! - he;d have to use the changing facilities int he ladies room, and it certainly wouldn't bother me. I mean the ladies room has cubicles so privacy is inbuilt.

[PeppermintCrayon]

I am a sexual abuse survivor and I think a baby's need to be changed trumps any issues I might have (which I dont) with a man being in the loo.

[ProudAS]

Sorry about your experiences Peppermint.

It's not on for a man to simply walk into a ladies loo. Even if you are OK with it another person may feel very threatened.

Secondly, we should not be having to discuss whose need trumps whose and it is not on for a father to be in the situation where he has to choose between going in ladies and leaving baby in soiled nappy. He should have asked the staff to find him somewhere suitable eg the staff loo or manager's office and the leisure centre should not be kitted out in a sexist way.

What was wrong with the disabled loo (or did the discriminatory place not have any)?

[Andrewofgg]

I have been in his position. I asked a passing woman who looked sympathetic (and who was not with children) to check there was nobody changing, and then to stand guard while I did the necessary.

(To be fair: there was somewhere for fathers to change a baby but it was being redecorated and was out of use).

[Andrewofgg]

Hit ENTER too soon.

And that is why I did not make an issue of it. OP's DH should make a big, big issue of it. In a building five years old this is not on.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Yeah op's husband could have changed the baby elsewhere but surely the point is that the place had changing facilities and have stupidly only made them available to women. Despite the fact that plenty of dads have hands on care of their children?

[ProudAS]

That's the right thing to do Andrew.

[motherinferior]

Yes of course he could have changed the baby wherever. The fact is that he is a new parent and a bit worried, as we all were at that stage! Lecturing him on alternatives isn't the point.

[Andrewofgg]

I feel strongly about this because DS was at school with a boy whose mother had died of complications of childbirth when his younger brother was born about four years after he was. The father just set to and brought them up, and very well too, and he must have hit problems like this time and time again; DS is 30 which gives you an idea of the time we are talking about.

(Have to add this: when the boys were both at school he met the midwife, from both births, when his sister had a baby. MW remembered him and told him that it had been the first and probably the last time she had every recommended one brand of formula over another!)

[ProudAS]

He's learning on the job. I'm surprised he didn't ask a member of staff though.