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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Beautiful kitchen....but at a price

55 replies

madasa · 08/04/2015 16:47

I don't really know what I want anyone to say, I guess I am just having a rant.

We are currently putting a new kitchen in....when I say 'we' I mean DP. It is a large kitchen and I was happy to pay for it to be fitted (we have the money)

DP absolutely insistent that he would fit it. He is a carpenter and joiner and I know when it is finished it will be beautiful.

However...as is often the way we have hit numerous problems and now DP is practically re plumbing the whole of the kitchen.
He is in a foul mood (understandably) and I am trying to keep out of the way in between supplying sandwiches, taking crap to the dump and keeping the cats out of the way.

I just can't stand the amount of stress it causes, I cannot wait to go back to work tomorrow just to get out of the way.

I know I'm lucky to have a DP that can do this work but AIBU to just refuse never to have any major work done in the house again?

The stress is enormous, I am sat in the bedroom keeping out of the way and thoroughly miserable.

I know he takes pride in his work but I would happily pay to avoid this atmosphere.

Rant over!

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 16:52

Does he know anything about plumbing, is this causing the stress?

ToBeeOrNot · 08/04/2015 16:54

YABU to think that getting in tradesmen is less stressful

AngelsWithSilverWings · 08/04/2015 17:03

Can I borrow your DH please! We have had a quote for our kitchen and the installation and building cost is the same as the total for the units , worktops and appliances. My new kitchen is costing almost as much as I paid for my first flat

I do know what you mean though as my dad insists on doing everything himself and my DM was always frustrated by how long everything took.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 17:04

My dh is a plumber.

You'd be surprised at how many of our tradesman friends who've tried to do a bit of diy plumbing call him in a panic 'can you spare 5 minutes mate, I've hit a pipe and water's everywhere'.

Original poster

madasa · 08/04/2015 17:05

Stillstaying he knows quite a lot about most things but would be fair to say that plumbing is not his forte.....but by God he's going to make it his forte. He has now left the house to go to Wickes ....again.

ToBee I get your point.....but at least tradesmen bugger off home at the end of the day!

OP posts:

Rainbunny · 08/04/2015 17:07

I feel for you. My ex-h was a qualified car mechanic (not his day job) and he was always saying he would fix this and that on my car. At one point my car needed some serious work and he kept saying for a month or two that he would take care of it but never did anything. If I mentioned anything I was "nagging" him. After a while I got fed up and took the car into a mechanic (dh refused to come with me) and they fixed my car the same day, great. When I got home ex scrutinized the mechanic's bill and proceeded to get angry with me saying that I was ripped off!

So the man who refused to make good on his promises to fix my car for months, who couldn't be bothered to even come along to the mechanic to make sure they didn't rip me off was now annoyed at me because apparently it was my fault that I was charged too much in his opinion! Obviously and for many, many other reasons he is thankfully an ex-h now but you know, memories!

crimsonh · 08/04/2015 17:08

Why the stress?

Is it because he didn't plan well and allow for extra delay and had to postpone other jobs?
So he is perhaps angry with himself then.

Original poster

madasa · 08/04/2015 17:09

I know I am lucky Angels ..it's just that I'd like to be able to use the kitchen before next Christmas.

If he hits a pipe and there's water everywhere I shall bloody drown him in it....problem solved

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 17:12

It'll be worth it in the end, post a picture, I love nosing at gorgeous kitchens.

LindyHemming · 08/04/2015 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 17:14

If it makes you feel any better I've been waiting 11 years for my downstairs loo to be changed into a shower room.

I'm still waiting........ and I'm married to the very tradesman to do the job.

Blackmamma · 08/04/2015 17:14

Oh dear my dear friends husband re did their kitchen he's a builder it took a whole year and nearly finished their marriage

Original poster

madasa · 08/04/2015 17:14

Rainbunny I had a very similar experience with an ex. He had two mates who were going to come and repave my drive (hopefully before the postman tripped and broke his neck) I waited about 6 months then lost the will to live and called in a tradesman. He came by as they were working to 'inspect' the work and then declared that I had been ripped off. Well maybe....but at least the work was done.

crimsonh to be fair he did plan but I think he forgot to take into account that the guy who lived here before should never have been let loose with so much as a hammer. It's not until he started that he uncovered all sorts of mess. I think he is frustrated rather than angry ....I am going to open the wine

OP posts:

Original poster

madasa · 08/04/2015 17:16

Thanks stillstaying funnily enough that does not make me feel better!

A year blackmamma?!!

OP posts:

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 17:17

Open that wine stat!

farewellfigure · 08/04/2015 17:17

I feel for you and YANBU. Although when it's all done you will look back and laugh and think 'Woohoo I've got a lovely new kitchen'.

DS and I went to my DMum's for a Friday night to let DH get on with fitting our new kitchen. He hit two snags almost immediately. The builder had boxed in all the pipes rather than hiding them in the wall, so the units (IKEA, very low at the back) wouldn't butt up against the wall. This meant the surface would be too narrow and we'd end up with a gap at the back. Also the last remaining blade on the hacksaw broke so DH couldn't cut the wall hanging things. He was VERY annoyed and EXTREMELY despondent. He came down to DMum's the next day in a pretty foul temper.

However one day later, with both of us discussing the problem and thinking laterally, and we had the whole kitchen up on the walls. It's now finished and beautiful. Take a deep breath. It'll all be over soon.

Icimoi · 08/04/2015 17:18

I feel your pain, OP. DH does the occasional bit of DIY but, although he's quite good at it, I really wonder whether it's worth the stress. Invariably he never makes sure he has all the equipment he needs before he starts, but it is beyond him to go and fetch it: so he stands there calling for me to drop whatever I'm doing to bring it to him. The language is appalling and, as it's beneath him to look at instructions, every job takes longer than it needs to. if it goes wrong it's never his fault. I've learnt to find an excuse to go out of the house and stay out if he's doing anything major.

annedawso · 08/04/2015 19:03

I always go out if my husband is doing DIY. He swears, rants and raves that the instructions are all wrong and there is just a horrible atmosphere.
Soon as it is done he is fine, while I am left stressed.
Just go out OP and leave him to it.

hiccupgirl · 08/04/2015 19:09

I'm with Euphemia. We are both useless at DIY and DH gets seriously stressed with any upheaval around the house so the upshot is nothing ever really gets done. For nearly 8 years I've been planning my new kitchen but DH can't cope with the thought of the old one being ripped out.

But YANBU. I would find it really stressful if DH could do lots of jobs on the house cos I know it would take him ages.

Tangoandcreditcards · 08/04/2015 19:23

My DH is like this but not a carpenter.

I wanted to buy a new dining table which he insisted was too much money for "3 bits of wood". I waited 6 months for him to bang 3 bits of wood (surely it's 5?) into a beautiful dining table and bought it anyway.

We are moving house in a fortnight. I want to pay removers as it takes a load of stress out if moving. He is insisting on doing it himself with his brother's van. After a lengthy stand-off I let him have his way as long as I'm having no part. So I'm pushing off to Center Parcs for the weekend with DS and my DSis and will return to a new house. OP - care to join me? We could hang out in the pool until your kitchen is done!

Original poster

madasa · 08/04/2015 21:24

Thank you for your replies....it seems I am not alone.

I am sorry that it's so stressful for him but he really didn't have to put himself (or me) through it. I don't know if it's his pride, testosterone or what it is but I am going to follow good advice and leave him to it.

Tango.....just packing my cossie

OP posts:

ljwales · 08/04/2015 21:30

I just spent well over 5 figures to have a new kitchen, meh its alright and was stressful having builders in but at least it was done in two weeks.

The only people I know with an amazing kitchen are where everything is reused, its stunning and suits their cottage. The kind of thing Mooney can't buy and cost them a few hundred.

Original poster

madasa · 08/04/2015 21:33

I think I'm looking at two years rather than two weeks.....am getting quite used to living in the bedroom

OP posts:

ljwales · 08/04/2015 21:37

Oh dear. I wasn't a fan of not having a kitchen for 12 days, but I got over it. Then again I did spend about 4k in labour fees in two weeks

honeyroar · 08/04/2015 22:27

Rant away! I have regular rants. We started a major Reno project four years ago and haven't finished a room yet! We are doing most of it ourselves and it's doing my head in! Most tradesmen we have had in have been a nightmare. This is our kitchen now, so nearly there (tools on the cooker still!). I will try to add a before and half way pic too. Look at them regularly, they remind you what you have actually achieved!

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