Beautiful kitchen....but at a price

[madasa]

I don't really know what I want anyone to say, I guess I am just having a rant.

We are currently putting a new kitchen in....when I say 'we' I mean DP. It is a large kitchen and I was happy to pay for it to be fitted (we have the money)

DP absolutely insistent that he would fit it. He is a carpenter and joiner and I know when it is finished it will be beautiful.

However...as is often the way we have hit numerous problems and now DP is practically re plumbing the whole of the kitchen.
He is in a foul mood (understandably) and I am trying to keep out of the way in between supplying sandwiches, taking crap to the dump and keeping the cats out of the way.

I just can't stand the amount of stress it causes, I cannot wait to go back to work tomorrow just to get out of the way.

I know I'm lucky to have a DP that can do this work but AIBU to just refuse never to have any major work done in the house again?

The stress is enormous, I am sat in the bedroom keeping out of the way and thoroughly miserable.

I know he takes pride in his work but I would happily pay to avoid this atmosphere.

Rant over!

[NiceBitOfCheese]

DH loves DIY. It seemed a good idea in the beginning ... saves us a fortune and everything is done just the way I we he wanted. Those wishing they had a handy other half, read on.

Any money saved on tradesmen has been spent on tools. None hired, ever: all bought ('cheaper in the long run'). Tools take up space. They require consumables: blades, belts, etc which he never has when one breaks. He can't work without spreading everything out, everywhere. Despite that, he still can't find anything when he needs it. The rest of us waste endless time running around looking for things which usually turn up in his trouser pocket.

DH works to an impossible schedule and is a perfectionist, and no criticism is allowed, ever, in any way, shape or form. At least if there was a 3rd party in the form of a tradesman there would be some solidarity in the two of you sighing together over his tardiness / mess / unreasonableness etc.

When things don't go to plan (which seems to be far too often) he gets stressed, he shouts, he swears, he blames everyone and everything except himself. Oh, except when he IS blaming himself, using even fruitier language. I'm getting tired of the drama.

He thinks he's doing us all a favour and that DIY is not in any way a self-indulgent hobby. The fact is, we have a choice about how to spend our time and money: he is choosing to do this, and as a result we never do anything else together.

Recently we have been doing up a house for our DS to move into. DH was getting frustrated at the slow progress - we could manage to go there only one day per week. Well, he was the one who insisted on papering every ceiling as well as the walls, painting everything with 3 coats, etc. The house was empty and I told him a painter would have it done inside a week at an affordable rate, but he just ignored me.

Having said that, the end result is always good. I'm just not sure the end justifies the means any more.

OP, I hope your new kitchen is usable very soon.

[BuggersMuddle]

Those looking for a fixer upper - be careful what you wish for! We bought one thinking it would be a gradual process, until we discovered something that needed all the floors up on 1st floor and then most on ground. I didn't hold a dinner party, or even a small gathering for years (actually bugger that, I didn't have anyone but the most understanding friends / family round for years).

DP is not a tradesman, but an engineer. He thus has sufficient understanding to do all the electrics (barring what needs signed off, and even then certain things can be checked and signed off afterwards by a qualified person), plumbing etc. I am not either of the above. I've done a good chunk of wiring which was not entirely what I signed up for!

[CruCru]

Argh! Having work done is awful. YANBU.

[DrCoconut]

Neither of us are skilled at DIY beyond a bit of basic painting, so I'd rather have tradesmen in

[Postchildrenpregranny]

Perhaps I should be grateful DH is useless at DIY..

[Gimmetaytos]

Same here..dh is so brilliant at all this sort of stuff and is self-taught but everything takes bloody ages.We have been waiting for 6 yrs now for our wooden floors to go down...living room is a concrete floor with a large rug on it.He simply never has the time..always another more pressing job to be done!I am due some money shortly from an inheritance and oh boy,what is the first thing I will do?The tradesmen are coming in !

[TheCunnyFunt]

DP did our kitchen extension a few years ago, he did everything, building, demolishing, plumbing, plastering, built the units and put them up. We had a crawling baby at the time. Not fun. What was shocking was stripping the old interior walls back to brick and seeing how they were put together, they just looked like the previous builder had just thrown bricks and cement and hoped for the best!

[flora717]

I'm like this. I advise anyone to get the f out of my way when I'm doing any sort of project. And never question the pile of 'useful' stuff.

[Eastpoint]

My aunt & uncle married in 1962. He built a kitchen, each cupboard, unit could be moved in case they moved at some stage. By the mid 1980s it needed replacing, but he said he'd do it himself. He died in 2010, hadn't replaced it. My aunt had a new kitchen & floor fitted within a month of his death. They had rooms full of useful bits of wood, spare wheels etc when he died.

[Postchildrenpregranny]

We did bathroom tiling in previous house , three months before we married . If I hadn't done the kitchen tiling on my own I don't think we would have got married .I have never been so glad as when we could finally, finally afford to get tradesmen in . DH is a) a perfectionist b) impatient c) totally cack handed d) very bad eyesight

[Ffuchsia]

And this is why I have put my foot down when my DH said he would fit our new kitchen.

A nice set of people with the correct skills will be coming, and if things go wrong they will fix it.

[MagelanicClouds]

Plumbing is a nasty job, DH isn't much of a swearer except when it comes to plumbing!
Wish we hadn't gone for a fixer upper, but it was a choice between this place or staying in the one bed starter home.
I'm looking forward to s new bathroom, the current one is gross. But the process of getting it fitted.... There goes the pit of my stomach again.

[Abbey0134]

As I've been living in a cabin at the bottom of the garden since beginning of October last year while major works have been taking place in the house I share your pain. My husband (a carpenter) has managed the whole job bringing in trades as and when. We have now run out of money, he is the last remaining tradesman, expected to be in by Christmas last year, I'm now wondering which year he was referring to! I'm sick of it, it's making me depressed and miserable. Never, never again! (But that's what I said last time!). It will be lovely and I'm hoping it's like childbirth, once it's over you forget the pain. But really it is a nightmare that goes on and on. I'm starting to feel that we will never get back into the house. I know we will, but it's killing me.

[madasa]

Magelanic I have often pondered buying a 'fixer-upper' house....I have now stopped pondering

Teddy I realised pretty quick that staying out of the way was best for both our sanity!

Update: all is now calm in the Madasa household. To give him credit he has just completed the most horrendous of tasks with complicated pipework and I now have a working dishwasher.

On the downside he has just uttered the words 'The good thing is that now I have done that we will not need to call a plumber in ever again....I can do it'

Aaargghh

[mayfridaycomequickly]

We've been in our 'do up' house for 4 years - we started the bath first and I'm still waiting for a shower... I want to poke dp in the eye every time I have to wash my hair in the bath. He's a builder by trade!

[TeddyBee]

My husband probably says the same about me. I get mostly frustrated with the bodges from previous owners/the builders that mean I have to either bodge, redo something or buy a wildly expensive bit of pipe to make it work. DH just keeps out of my way unless it's to offer me tea. That works for me, especially when I've been stuck under a bath fixing a bodged waste connection for an hour.

Just go out. I always prefer it when he just takes the kids away and leaves me to get on with it in peace.

[MagelanicClouds]

DH fitted our kitchen....
He took day 1 off with a nasty cold - happens every time there's a big DIY job to do. Every single time.
I lost count of how many trips to Wicks he made. We have so many tools they fill the garage and a shed - but he never does have the right one for the job.
When it got to work tops he just stopped. Found out several WEEKS later that it was apparently my job to phone a carpenter for that. I was told to pick a likely looking one out of the phone book.
I know more about particle physics than carpentry. I couldn't tell a likely one from not.
In the end I called a friend of my mums to do it, an excellent carpenter but pricey! I didn't care, I just wanted my kitchen back. Weeks of convenience food had left me with IBS and acne.
Then the tiling... Oh boy did that take AGES! One day I commented on just how slowly they were going on the wall and was told that if I thought I could do better then I should.
I did. In just under an hour I'd tiled most of one wall with DH doing the tile cutting. He was never sarky again!
I did all the painting, for some reason he thinks all silk finish paint is the work of the devil and can't seem to get it on the wall without ruining it.

This was getting on for two years ago now. Never again!

Except the upstairs bathroom needs doing as does the lounge. We bought a fixer-upper house and it's just.....
Argh!

[dougierose]

That's a deal madasa - I have a v nice kitchen and most of it works.

[5Foot5]

Gulp! Just about to embark on the new kitchen thing. However we will definitely be paying someone to do the whole thing as we are totally useless at DIY. Still nervous.

[madasa]

If they are still there in June Dougierose I can offer you use of a bathroom in return for use of a kitchen