Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would we BU to Elope?

59 replies

Weathergames · 11/02/2015 17:46

OH and I have been engaged for some time, we have both been married before and done the big wedding thing.

We can't afford to have a big wedding atm but both feel it's the right time and would like to make the commitment to each other, and we quite fancy just going and doing it on our own, we really want to be married to each other.

Some of our family would be ok and some wouldn't. It would take ages to arrange as we both have siblings who live abroad.

Thing is we also have 6 kids between us (none together) and I think our 3 DDS ESP would be gutted if we did this.

Our friends would be cool.

Has anyone else done this? If so do your kids/family members/friends still speak to you?

I feel really torn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 17:47

*ages to arrange a "big do" sorry!

OP posts:
WhatismyLife · 11/02/2015 17:50

Cant you just invite your kids? Everyone else will get over it eventually.

But if you want to elope, YANBU, its your choice. Who would you use as witnesses?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/02/2015 17:51

yes, elope with your kids in tow!

JackieTheFart · 11/02/2015 17:54

I think it's a great idea. But be prepared for some family members to be really miffed off!

I toyed with the idea of eloping but didn't in the end. My sister told me she would never have forgiven me if we had eloped Confused and she feels the same way about our cousin.

I totally don't get her point of view, it's your wedding to enjoy, not anyone else's!

ahbollocks · 11/02/2015 17:54

I really want to elope with dp and dd. I would love it! I think it would upset our fathers but im just not a centre of attention type of person and not a huge fan of weddings!

Leeds2 · 11/02/2015 17:58

I would do it, but from seeing friends' experiences, don't tell anyone in advance that you are going away to get married!

I would take the six children too.

TheTroubleWithAngels · 11/02/2015 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PtolemysNeedle · 11/02/2015 18:02

If you know some of your children would be upset, then why are you still thinking about doing it without them? Surely you wouldn't want to taint the whole thing by knowing it's hurt the people you love the most?

Absolutely elope, but don't do it without your children. It has the potential to cause long term upset and complicate relationships that are already complicated because step families always are at least a little, and it's just not worth it.

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 18:07

That's the thing I don't want to take 6 kids .

A - because they all live at opposite ends of the country and B because we would then have them all with us which would not be very romantic.

OP posts:
oldestmumaintheworld · 11/02/2015 18:13

I didn't elope, but my grandparents and my parents did. Not together obviously. I had an extremely small (4 people) wedding and so did my brother (6 people) I then had a smallish party the next day. My brother had a lunch for the same 6 people followed by a party for 30 friends the next day. My sister had 7 people at her wedding just the parents and their children. Then a party on the beach.

I guess we feel that the ceremony and the vows are important and should be private. Celebration for friends and family if you want to.

I think it's a great idea if it works for you.

averylongtimeago · 11/02/2015 18:17

Its your wedding! If you think your Dc would be upset, then I would include them, why not just have a really small event at the registry office - followed by a family meal out for you and the DC, then off on honeymoon on your own [assuming that that are all adults?]

TwoOddSocks · 11/02/2015 18:22

WE considered eloping but in the end did a last minute wedding where parents and siblings were invited (the bun was still in the oven at that point so no kids to invite). Doing it last minute meant there wasn't any time for people to be offended we just "assumed they wouldn't be able to travel and get the time off work at such short notice".

Whatever you choose I'd recommend Edinburgh _ beautiful city and there's a lovely registry office in a historical building.

chasingtherainbow · 11/02/2015 18:24

But your marriage includes your children. I think eloping Is a wonderful idea, we did it. But we took dc. Would have never ever considered doing it without!

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 18:29

It's the thought of being in charge of 4 teens and an 8 and 10 yr old in a hotel on our wedding night which isn't appealing - at all.

OP posts:
trufflesnout · 11/02/2015 18:31

I'm not married but I do have children, if I were to elope I wouldn't do it with them in tow.

CalicoBlue · 11/02/2015 18:31

Both my parents had very small second marriages, with only two witnesses at each.

I did not even know they were doing it till after. It did not bother me in the least, that was 20 years ago and I still don't care.

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2015 18:37

If you know they'd be upset then it's a pretty mean thing to do.

IMO.

chasingtherainbow · 11/02/2015 18:41

Then invite your parents for a small wedding and have them take the kids.

Or elope and then do a little child free honeymoon.

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 18:41

I haven't discussed it with them (which I would) I don't "know" they would be upset.

OP posts:
Nolim · 11/02/2015 18:44

Do it

HearMyRoar · 11/02/2015 18:44

We did. Dd was there but she was only 18 months old and spent the whole thing chatting about shreddies.

Anyway, it was lovely. Just me, dh, dd and witnesses. My perfect wedding.

I was worried that some people might be upset but actually nobody was at all. They were just thrilled for us.

ChippyMinton · 11/02/2015 18:44

If you plan it right, you could have a great time with your DC. Why not rent a house instead of an hotel, so you all have some space instead of fretting about note rooms?

ChippyMinton · 11/02/2015 18:45

note hotel

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 18:46

Everything revolves around the kids and the step kids (which is fine) and our ex's needs who are both quite special in their own ways (my ex constantly goes away on holiday and never has the kids when he should).

Just once I want it to solely be about us.

OP posts:
littleleftie · 11/02/2015 18:47

Oh just do it!

DC will get over it and it is NOT THEIR DAY!!!

It is your wedding day and you should have whatever sort of wedding you want.

It sounds to me as though, quite rightly, you are more interested in being married than in having a wedding and I salute you for that.

Elope, have a party with DC when you get back.

Swipe left for the next trending thread