Would we BU to Elope?

[Weathergames]

OH and I have been engaged for some time, we have both been married before and done the big wedding thing.

We can't afford to have a big wedding atm but both feel it's the right time and would like to make the commitment to each other, and we quite fancy just going and doing it on our own, we really want to be married to each other.

Some of our family would be ok and some wouldn't. It would take ages to arrange as we both have siblings who live abroad.

Thing is we also have 6 kids between us (none together) and I think our 3 DDS ESP would be gutted if we did this.

Our friends would be cool.

Has anyone else done this? If so do your kids/family members/friends still speak to you?

I feel really torn.

I wanted to take the 3DDs and just get hitched somewhere on a lovely beach. Just the 5 of us. (DDs a little older than yours OP) DH wanted his family to see him married though. So - that was the end of that idea

Not much help OP. Sorry.

My sister did the marry in Vegas thing just herself and partner, and posted the live video online, then came home and had a full costume church blessing to appease everyone.

I'd love to get married in secret to be honest. It's about myself and one other person after all, nobody else is going to be in the marriage. Of course my children would be present, they would gain a (step)father so it is a poignant memory for them to have.
I'd hate to be the centre of attention standing in front of hundreds of people. Or at the very least to invite a selected few to the wedding and not announce it to the others. But that's just the state of my family at present
I always feel that big weddings although a lovely day for family and friends, are always nicer to attend than to have to host yourself.
Sadly, I'm attending more funerals than weddings nowadays.

I think it's okay to want to just be with your new husband when you get married, rather than with all the kids. It's not selfish or unkind to your kids. What's important is making a secure, happy family home so all the dc feel welcomed and loved. Them being at the wedding is not the be all and end all - adults need time alone and the wedding itself is about the commitment between the two of you.

I would elope - I wish I had, looking back! To appease the kids you could have a blessing or party at your leisure, when you can get everyone together.

We're eloping next year due to family issues and the fact that neither of us like being the centre of attention. We're going abroad to do it alone and then having a week in the sun.

Our families know that we're going but we're not telling anyone when it'll be.

Do it!

Why not elope and then have some kind of party, evening do type thing or meal back home. You could show the wedding video.

My parents eloped and didn't take me or my 3 siblings with them.
I was hurt at the time (14yo)... but got over it and there is no resentment.
They didn't tell anyone at all. Us kids went off on our annual stay to Grandma's and our parents used that time to go to Oxford and get hitched. They asked two random people in the pub next door if they would mind being witnesses.

If you want to do it, do it. Your DCs will get over it.

I think it's normal not to want the kids with you on honeymoon (but also normal to take them).

When you say elope - you mean literally run away to get married?

How about a compromise?

Get married in your local registry office with your children present. Have a little celebration with them. Then drop them off at whoever you'd arrange to have them while you 'eloped' and go off on honeymoon! that way you haven't done anything behind their backs for them to be upset about, they've been part of the actual wedding, and you still don't have to invite anyone else along for that. But you get your lovely honeymoon in peace just you and DP.

Another vote for Gretna....hubby and i went, taking just my dad and his partner as our witnesses. Booked it through one of the wedding companies in Gretna and it was lovely! Totally stressfree, felt so special. The wedding planners can organise witnesses for you if you dont take your own.

i think dad was expecting it to be tacky, but i think our timing [Wed 10th july] was before one of the busier periods, so we had the Blacksmiths workshop and the grounds of Gretna Hall prettymuch to ourselves. Twas lovely.

I can really recommend it....although the big difference is we didnt have any children/relatives to get upset about it.

I think the point of getting married is you're declaring you are a family now - with no kids, that family is you and your husband, so running off the two of you is fine (though I think unless there are serious issues including parents is nicer). Leaving out children is pretty bad form IMO - if my mother got married without telling me, I don't think I would forgive her.

I understand not wanting honesymoon with kids but I think puzzledemployer has it spot on: kids (and parents IMO, but that's more optional) and you in the registry office, nice lunch, then hop on a train/flight/whatever and have a romantic weekend/week planned. I honestly think you could be setting yourself up for years of tension otherwise.