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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would we BU to Elope?

59 replies

Weathergames · 11/02/2015 17:46

OH and I have been engaged for some time, we have both been married before and done the big wedding thing.

We can't afford to have a big wedding atm but both feel it's the right time and would like to make the commitment to each other, and we quite fancy just going and doing it on our own, we really want to be married to each other.

Some of our family would be ok and some wouldn't. It would take ages to arrange as we both have siblings who live abroad.

Thing is we also have 6 kids between us (none together) and I think our 3 DDS ESP would be gutted if we did this.

Our friends would be cool.

Has anyone else done this? If so do your kids/family members/friends still speak to you?

I feel really torn.

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 11/02/2015 18:49

Any chance you could tie it in with a week's holiday in a nice location and rent a cottage in the area? The kids wouldn't need to know you were getting married until the day hence couldn't tell anyone else Smile or put it on Facebook Grin.

ajandjjmum · 11/02/2015 18:49

A couple I know told their DC they were going to have a family photo, and on the way driving there, announced that actually, they were going to get married. Grabbed a couple of passers-by as witnesses. Was very touching - particularly when they announced it to their friends a little later.

ButtfaceMiscreant · 11/02/2015 18:56

Do it. I often think that if I were to re-do my wedding, I would do it just me and DH. I really loved the day, don't get me wrong, but aside from the ceremony it was just a bit, expensive party. Plus we had so much in the way of family/bridal party politics in the weeks leading up to it that, although the day went pretty much alright in that respect, I can't think of the wedding without remembering those bits.

So I say do it. And if your children are upset about it, why not organise a party/meal later on to celebrate it?

ButtfaceMiscreant · 11/02/2015 18:56

bit big

BitOutOfPractice · 11/02/2015 18:58

Do it. You don't even have to tell anyone you've done it

I think it sounds like you are gettng married for all the right reasons and I wish you every happiness

skylark2 · 11/02/2015 19:01

"It's the thought of being in charge of 4 teens and an 8 and 10 yr old in a hotel on our wedding night which isn't appealing - at all."

But surely you will still be in charge of them if you elope. Were you planning to leave them home alone or something?

If you have someone who could look after them while you elope, ask that person to look after them on your wedding night.

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 19:13

We would do it on a weekend when they are all at their other respective parents?

OP posts:
londonrach · 11/02/2015 19:16

Elope with children and possibly just your parents then big party a week later... Good luck x

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 19:19

I have to take my parents too?! Shock

This gets worse!! Grin

OP posts:
littleleftie · 11/02/2015 19:22

No! Just elope and tell everyone when you get back.

Don't get sidetracked with all this just take the DC/parents nonsense.

You know what you want to do - just go for it!

londonrach · 11/02/2015 19:24

Ok weather no parents....

arlagirl · 11/02/2015 19:24

Do it. Have fun.

ChillySundays · 11/02/2015 19:25

How old are your teens? Could they be the witnesses?

We got married at a registry office with the kids as witnesses. No need to have anyone else at the wedding.

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 19:27

Only 1 is old enough (18 right?)

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 11/02/2015 19:31

I couldn't do it if I knew it would hurt people (which it would). I just wouldn't be able to enjoy the day fully. Just inviting parents, siblings and DCs would be perfect in my mind.

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 19:34

i don't want the kids there. When his younger ones are around I take a back seat, they are quite clingy and possessive over him. Normally that's fine and I am happy to do that - but not on my wedding day, if we had a bigger "do" there would be lots if family there to make a fuss of them.

OP posts:
DonttouchthatLarry · 11/02/2015 19:35

We did exactly that last year - just us and 2 witnesses went away for a long weekend. We were in our 40's/50's and been together for years - no children, sadly deceased DFs, my DM in a home with dementia, DH's DM, DSis and DB got told when we came home, like all the rest of our family and friends. Without exception, everybody was delighted for us and nobody was cross at missing out (not that I'd have cared!). It was what WE wanted, no business of anyone else's. Do it!

londonrach · 11/02/2015 19:36

Ok weather new plan your soon to be dh and open invitation to all mntters for witnesses...Grin. Just do it (not the mn bit)

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 19:38

Haha!!! MN witnesses Grin

OP posts:
kittycatz · 11/02/2015 19:40

YANBU - just do it. They'll all get over it eventually.

ChillySundays · 11/02/2015 19:42

OP - I don't know if rules change from area to area but one of my DC was 18 and the other 14. The Registrar said as long as they understood the importance of marriage and the fact they would be signing a legal document.

We had a meal afterwards and then they went home while we stopped in an hotel for the night.

Could the older ones help with distracting the younger ones if they start being clingy etc

doctorboo · 11/02/2015 19:50

I think doing something with your kids would be lovely.

My brother and his (ex)wife arranged a Registry Office wedding with just two friends attending, on the quiet. He has children but hadn't invited/wanted to take them-they (my bro) loved the thrilled of it being something only they knew, which was great for them but the children didn't understand.
All the rest of the family found out by accident just before it happened and there was a bit of a doohdah about it!

doctorboo · 11/02/2015 19:53

Just saw your 19.34 post, oh no, no one wants to take a backseat at their own wedding, that'd feel horrible!

Original poster
Weathergames · 11/02/2015 20:19

He's texted me - it's £500 for a basic package at Gretna apparently Grin

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 11/02/2015 20:27

Gretna....so romantic and there are lovely hotels near in the Lake District.

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