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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I LTB over my 40th?

55 replies

Weathergames · 02/02/2015 22:56

Not seriously - but will possibly get flamed here.

My significant bday this yr. Oh in forces and has been away a lot the last 5 yrs but is now in one place for a few yrs working away in the week but home at weekends.

I have 3 DC who live with me 12 yr old has Aspergers and has different dad to my elder two who are 15 and 17 (so he will be at his dad's w/e of party).

OH has two other DC under 10 - who we are not due to see that weekend.

I brought my DC up on my own mainly and as a result we are quite close - they are due to see their dad said weekend but he is going away and leaving them with their step mum who they hate.

I have organised my own birthday party and am a bit pissed off OH has done nothing to help or even been involved. It's at a hotel so licensed bar but teenagers would be allowed.

My youngest DC would not want to come as he hates noise, parties etc, but I would quite like my 15 yr old and 17 yr old there.

OH threw a massive childish strop and said if they were there he wouldn't go as he isn't going to be responsible for them (was planning on asking my parents to gently keep an eye on them - they are good kids).

He has now invited his 19 yr old son (who I am very fond of and happy to have him there) but how they hell are my older two going to feel?

AIBU to think hes behaving like a selfish twat - and it's my party?

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 02/02/2015 23:00

I would say if it's your party, you invite whoever you like.

Waitingonasunnyday · 02/02/2015 23:02

Eh? He is having a strop because your 15 and 17 yos are invited to your birthday party? What a horrible man!

oneowlgirl · 02/02/2015 23:04

I would agree with Leeds2 - your party so invite who you like. FWIW, at my 40th next year, I'm planning to have my children there who are much younger than yours (I will bring the babysitter but would love them to be there especially if they are older to celebrate with them too).

GetSober · 02/02/2015 23:08

It's YOUR party, he's not lifted a finger to help with it, and now he's thrown a strop because you've had the temerity to say you want YOUR OWN CHILDREN there?

Unless there is a lot more you aren't telling us, HIBU. As he's gone so far as to say that if the children go, he won't - I'd be tempted to take him up on that, myself.

defineme · 02/02/2015 23:08

Why would they care if they are there and step brother is too? Had you explicitly stated you didn't want oh's older kids there?
your life sounds very complicated, more so than other blended families. ..are you sure your oh is worth it if he has strops and doesn't help? Perhaps the time apart was masking incompatibility?

FishWithABicycle · 02/02/2015 23:08

It's your party - invite who you like. Your oh is being an arse.

Original poster
Weathergames · 02/02/2015 23:10

They will care if they are not there and step brother is.

OH argument is that it is an adult party and his son is an adult my teens are not.

OP posts:
joanne1947 · 02/02/2015 23:14

Rubbish, you are their mum and it is your party. Great your parents are there to keep a discrete watch over them but they will want to celebrate with you and your DH.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/02/2015 23:21

Yanbu, they are coming end of! It's your party, you are their mum, it's your say, not his!

Schoolaroundthecorner · 02/02/2015 23:24

It's your party which you organised. Tell your OH to get lost if he keeps up this ridiculous, childish stance.

ChasedByBees · 02/02/2015 23:27

Why are you even considering what he says? And how come he is allowed to invite people to your party but you aren't?

musicalendorphins2 · 03/02/2015 05:55

Who cares what he says (in this instance)! Please invite your teenagers to attend, at their ages they will be fine. They are not toddlers who need to be babysat.

antimatter · 03/02/2015 06:21

YANBU but he is.
Your party - your rules!
Who else has he invited without asking you?

Bagelicious · 03/02/2015 06:45

Yanbu! Your birthday, you organized the party, you invite whoever you like, particularly your children!

PtolemysNeedle · 03/02/2015 06:47

Your OH sounds like a twat. What difference does it make to him whether a 15 and 17 year old are there or not? They aren't going to need babysitting.

McKayz · 03/02/2015 06:48

There is no way I'd have a birthday party and not have my children there.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 03/02/2015 06:52

Yanbu.

Violettadoesthekondo · 03/02/2015 06:56

Just invite your kids. It's your party and you're organising it. You will choose whose there. If he chooses to be a daft git and not attend, that's his problem. His behaviour is to do with you.

PowderMum · 03/02/2015 06:57

YANBU 15 and 17 year olds don't need babysitting, unless they are very very immature.
If it's your party I am sure they will know the guests and feel comfortable with them.
Are you staying at the hotel, if so they could always go to their room when they have had enough.
My DC are now 15 and 18 and are invited to one 40th party already this year although sadly not mine.
Your partner is an arse.

Violettadoesthekondo · 03/02/2015 06:57

You don't need his permission to invite your children

Ohfourfoxache · 03/02/2015 09:04

What a cunt Shock

They are your dc, of course they should be there. God, they're teenagers, not toddlers - they aren't going to need that much supervision. How dare he throw a strop about them being invited - then to invite his own DS is adding insult to injury.

pillowaddict · 03/02/2015 09:07

He sounds like he has no respect or care for you and your wishes, or your kids. That's really not a good sign in a partner is it? I don't think it's as simple as a flippant LTB, but this would prompt a serious conversation about how he felt it was appropriate to ride roughshod over what you want and lack of care of your children's feelings if it was me.

PatriciaHolm · 03/02/2015 09:56

Your party. Your kids. Your invites. If he chooses not to come, that's his lookout.

UterusUterusGhali · 03/02/2015 10:00

Christ. I don't think you'd be u to think about ltb!

He's being v v v unreasonable.

bloodygorgeous · 03/02/2015 10:01

I don't like the sound of him at all. They are teenagers, not small children who'd need looking after - or do they have form for boozing or being wild? If not, he's a pig.