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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I LTB over my 40th?

55 replies

Weathergames · 02/02/2015 22:56

Not seriously - but will possibly get flamed here.

My significant bday this yr. Oh in forces and has been away a lot the last 5 yrs but is now in one place for a few yrs working away in the week but home at weekends.

I have 3 DC who live with me 12 yr old has Aspergers and has different dad to my elder two who are 15 and 17 (so he will be at his dad's w/e of party).

OH has two other DC under 10 - who we are not due to see that weekend.

I brought my DC up on my own mainly and as a result we are quite close - they are due to see their dad said weekend but he is going away and leaving them with their step mum who they hate.

I have organised my own birthday party and am a bit pissed off OH has done nothing to help or even been involved. It's at a hotel so licensed bar but teenagers would be allowed.

My youngest DC would not want to come as he hates noise, parties etc, but I would quite like my 15 yr old and 17 yr old there.

OH threw a massive childish strop and said if they were there he wouldn't go as he isn't going to be responsible for them (was planning on asking my parents to gently keep an eye on them - they are good kids).

He has now invited his 19 yr old son (who I am very fond of and happy to have him there) but how they hell are my older two going to feel?

AIBU to think hes behaving like a selfish twat - and it's my party?

OP posts:
OnceUponATimeAgain · 03/02/2015 10:05

(feel like i am repeating everyone here!!)
its YOUR party, and YOU can invite whoever the fuck YOU like!

Goneintohibernation · 03/02/2015 10:06

Why would you get flamed? Your kids will hardly need looking after at 15 and 17 surely? He is being a complete arse, it sounds like he really doesn't like having your children around. Is he normally like that?

hellsbellsmelons · 03/02/2015 10:06

Wow your OH sounds like a right charmer!!!
I had a surprise 40th and my DD was there.
I would have been horrified if she hadn't been there and she was only 11 at the time!
He really does sound like a knob.
What are is GOOD points exactly?

ImperialBlether · 03/02/2015 10:25

It sounds to me as though he doesn't like your teenage children, in which case I would dump him.

PandorasToyBox · 03/02/2015 10:25

Bloody hell op! Our dc are 6, 9, 12 and I would in your shoes have them at a party without a second thought! Goodness when we were kids we went to loads of adult parties, was fab fun eavesdropping on the adults Grin

Your dp sounds like an entitled prat.

QuietNinjaTardis · 03/02/2015 10:30

I couldn't imagine not being invited to my mums birthday party. They're 15 and 17 they don't need babysitting. Just invite them. It's your party!

Wigglebummunch · 03/02/2015 10:52

I was going out clubbing at 15 and I didn't need a babysitter. Your OH is being a manbaby! I'd tell him to grow up.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 03/02/2015 10:56

Tbh I couldn't imagine myself with a man who threw a childish strop over anything, however big or small.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 03/02/2015 10:58

And good point wiggle I was clubbing and going to festivals at that age too.

Why would anyone need to keep an eye on a 15 and 17 year old. They are young adults. Unlike your OH, he's just a brat.

flowery · 03/02/2015 11:00

So you've had to organise your own party with no help, now your OH is saying he won't come if your teenagers do?

Sounds like a win-win to me. Take him at his word. Make sure your DC are with you for your special event and simultaneously ensure your childish unsupportive DP isn't there to ruin it.

helpmekeepstrong · 03/02/2015 11:31

Sounds like there's more to this than meets the eye. To say that he will not go to the party if your teens are there and then invite his own teen (reaching 18 doesn't turn everyone into a responsible adult overnight) is very worrying behaviour. At best thoughtless and selfish, at worst controlling piggery. Not only are YNBU but I would question your relationship in other areas. Your beautiful children not welcome? Beggars belief.

minginjean · 03/02/2015 13:04

What does LBT mean?

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 03/02/2015 13:09

does he always act like he wishes they weren't around? He knows that you come as a package with your children, right? How does he normally treat them?

They absolutely should go. They don't need him to keep an eye on them. What he means is he doesn't want them there. Which must make you wonder how he feels about them and where he feels they fit into the family.

DoJo · 03/02/2015 13:18

He has now invited his 19 yr old son (who I am very fond of and happy to have him there) but how they hell are my older two going to feel?

Hold on, does this mean that you didn't invite your own children because he 'threw a strop'? YABU if that is the case.
Otherwise, invite all the children, inc 19 year old, and tell partner that he is not welcome.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/02/2015 13:33

LTB means Leave The Bastard!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 03/02/2015 17:48

Is he pissed off becasue his younger dc wont be there?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 03/02/2015 17:51

Sorry. Have you uninvited your teens?
I think you should have them there.

ApocalypseThen · 03/02/2015 17:56

I'd make his decision for him. Uninvite him, bring your kids, let him know that you won't stand for ridiculous ultimatums that he doesn't even have any business giving you.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 03/02/2015 17:56

UA definitely NBU!!!

What a knob he sounds...

noseymcposey · 03/02/2015 17:58

He says, now he will need to look after them. Is this going to be a very boozy party? That's what 'adults party' generally means.

Is he thinking now he will need to look after the 15 and 17 year old instead of getting pissed? I might well be jumping to conclusions but do you tend to get pissed and leave him to look after the kids? That's the only scenario where I can understand his reaction.. and even then it's still questionable.

flowery · 03/02/2015 17:58

You didn't actually go ahead and uninvite your DC I take it?

Original poster
Weathergames · 03/02/2015 18:40

We hadn't invited anyone but I was trying to have a discussion with him about it (as a few of my friends have teens they may want to bring).

I wanted him to invite DSS and I have invited my two older DC.

I concluded he was indeed being a prick, and no my teens are lovely and ace andvdo not have form for getting pissed and neither do I for leaving them with him while so do.

I texted his sister mentioning to her and now his dad who is divorced from his mum has phoned OH saying that she thinks she's not invited FFS!!!! So my MIL is now coming - excellent Hmm.

OP posts:
noseymcposey · 03/02/2015 18:45

In which case Weather, he is indeed being a prick :)

kittycatz · 03/02/2015 19:27

YADNBU. I don't understand why he thinks he has to look after them the party. They are 15 and 17 not babies. Surely they can go to the party with everyone else and there will be plenty of people to keep half an eye on them.
If he doesn't want to come because your children are there then he can stay at home. What a horrible piece of work.

MrsJohnLewis · 03/02/2015 19:30

He sounds like a bit of a dick I'm afraid.

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