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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm the shelf and will never get married or have children?

79 replies

saveyourtearsforthepillow · 27/01/2015 22:28

I'm 26 almost 27 .... all my friends but about 2 are either married or have a long term partner and quite a few have children now.

I just don't think it will happen for me.

It seems to happen so easy for some people. Which I know it probably doesn't but ..

I almost feel embarrassed by it.

OP posts:
HangingInAGruffaloStance · 27/01/2015 22:30

Bit early to be worrying about this.

Most people I know didn't meet their partners til late 20s or older.

Try to stop comparing with friends, and wait for the right person.

PatriciaHolm · 27/01/2015 22:30

26 is no age!! I didn't even meet my DH until 29. Do you go out, meet people? Any hobbies?

Namelesswonder · 27/01/2015 22:32

I married at 35, child at 37 and another at 40. In my 20s and 30s I saw the world and built up a career. At 26 you are really too young to be worried about 'never' having a husband and children!

Orangedaisy · 27/01/2015 22:33

I was married at 26, divorced before 28 and only just now (35) settled with partner and baby. Never thought it would happen after the mess before. Would have been much better to wait patiently (while having a great time just living) and avoid the heartache of a too-early/ill considered marriage. You'll get there, just have fun and be yourself.

EatShitDerek · 27/01/2015 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 27/01/2015 22:33

you are about to get a gazzilion people tell you that they met their dp at 31/35/37/42 etc.

I felt a lot like you describe at 29, most of my friends were in long term relationships and I'd barely managed to stay in one for more than three months. I promised myself that I'd spend a year saying yes to every opportunity, every time someone invited me to something I would go (assuming I wasn't already busy). I met my dh the day before my 30th bday.

also. your life is not defined by your relationships. it is about you and who you are. you do not need a husband to be awesome. if you want a husband then fine, you can find one. but you do not need one to be happy.

ApocalypseThen · 27/01/2015 22:34

I met my husband at 37. You never know what life has in store for you and you're much too young to get despondent or worry about shelves. Time enough to think about that when you're 83.

kwerty · 27/01/2015 22:36

Haaaa, you are being daft! You are still young, believe me; loads of time.

Bryony35 · 27/01/2015 22:36

Errrrr....get a life!

EatShitDerek · 27/01/2015 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crje · 27/01/2015 22:37

Do you want it ??
Just because it's the norm doesn't mean it has to be done .
Enjoy your life , where ever it takes you.

corkybolleaux · 27/01/2015 22:39

Well I'm 43 and I've not met anyone yet . But it's quite comfy here up here on the shelf, all by myself... Sad Wink

Taffeta · 27/01/2015 22:39

Met DH at 33, married at 35, DC at 36 & 39. Plenty of time.

ilovesooty · 27/01/2015 22:39

Charming Bryony35 Hmm

Janethegirl · 27/01/2015 22:40

I agree, plenty of time.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/01/2015 22:40

I remember feeling exactly like this. All my friends were in relationships or married and some were starting families and I felt completely on the shelf. It felt like it was never going to happen for me and I would get very low and tearful over it.

However, three months before I turned 27 I met my now DH. I moved in with him four months later and now, three years down the line we are married with a 10 month old baby.

Your life can change in a day because on any day you could meet 'The One' and then your life will start a whole new chapter.

eurochick · 27/01/2015 22:40

You are being very silly. You have loads of time yet.

I met my husband when I was 27 but neither of us had any interest in settling down for the first few years. Enjoy your 20s footloose and fancy free.

mrs2cats · 27/01/2015 22:42

Awww, I know how you feel because I remember feeling the same at your age. However, I met DH when I was 33, married at 35 and then had 2 children.

There's plenty of time.

EatShitDerek · 27/01/2015 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrs2cats · 27/01/2015 22:43

Oooh, just realised my post is similar to Taffeta's! There, you see... plenty of time Smile.

PoppyFleur · 27/01/2015 22:44

I echo Teenage I felt like that at 30. Then I decided to accept every invite & just enjoy myself. When I met my future husband I didn't know if it was serious or not, but it was fun & he made me laugh.

8 years later, he still makes me laugh each day.

LynetteScavo · 27/01/2015 22:45

YABU

I felt exactly like you. Two years later I was married with a baby. (We're still happily married 16 years later)

I did treat finding a partner (read father to my future DC) as a part time job though.

Yes, I did want a husband and 2.4 DC.

I had already had enough "life" - I didn't need to get one. I knew I'd had enough high life and travel and wanted to "settle down"/

No one believed me. Today I would probably take to on-line dating.In those days it invovled going to lots of bars to meet the right man. Hmm Grin

Good luck. There are those who will say you will find love when you are least expecting it. I say if you throw enough mud, some of it will stick.

steppeinginto2015 · 27/01/2015 22:45

met dh at 32, we have 3 dcs.

I had just come back from 2 years volunteering overseas, and was training to go overseas again.

You are still very young, and if you want to be happy, don't sit around waiting for life to come to you, but do things which you enjoy/challenge and see what happens along the way.

BUT - I did feel at 30 that I was never ever going to meet anyone or have kids and it was a watershed moment. I totally understand the feeling.
It made me look at life and say, when I am an old lady, what do I want to look back at my life and say?

Koalafications · 27/01/2015 22:48

My BF is in the same situation as you, OP. FWIW, I don't think you are being silly. I'll just say to you what I say to her, you have no idea what life has in store for you.

anothernumberone · 27/01/2015 22:49

Oh that 'shelf' thing is awful. When is the last time you ever heard of a man left on the shelf?

There is no telling what is coming down the tracks but I think the suggestion above of putting yourself out there will have the most success of meeting many interesting other people some of whom might be interesting friends and others interesting partners.