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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I'm the shelf and will never get married or have children?

79 replies

saveyourtearsforthepillow · 27/01/2015 22:28

I'm 26 almost 27 .... all my friends but about 2 are either married or have a long term partner and quite a few have children now.

I just don't think it will happen for me.

It seems to happen so easy for some people. Which I know it probably doesn't but ..

I almost feel embarrassed by it.

OP posts:

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 27/01/2015 22:50

Having utterly abandoned hope at your age, 3 years later I was married. We celebrated our Silver last year. We have one DD; more would been nice but...anyway, keep your chin up OP.

Catsize · 27/01/2015 22:51

I thought you were going to say you're 49ish.

wobblebobblehat · 27/01/2015 22:51

Crikey, being left on the shelf was the least of my worries when I was 26.

I met DH at 35 and got married at 37. No children though - just didn't happen.

You are young, free and single. Enjoy it!

MillionToOneChances · 27/01/2015 22:52

When I got divorced at 32 I fell back in with an extended group of friends around the same age. At that point most were single. Many of those who were in long term relationships have since found new partners. The vast majority are now sprogged up and happily paired off. Fear not.

MyIronLung · 27/01/2015 22:54

It's not nice feeling like you're going to be alone forever. I'm 36 and I've been alone for a while. I don't think it's going to change any time soon, I just don't trust anyone not to screw me or my child over again. It definitely makes me sad.

I don't think you're being silly op.

AlleyCat11 · 27/01/2015 22:56

I'll be 39 in a couple of weeks & still think I'm too young to get married... Getting hitched this year. It honestly never occurred to me when I was your age. Kids didn't enter my head 'til 35. Still don't have any! Not worried about it.
But I think it's different for everybody. I have friends who always needed a man or zeroed in on marriage & kids. Most got what they wanted. The ones who are single now are panicking. You might not be a natural single person, but try to be happy as you are. It's very attractive!

machair · 27/01/2015 23:02

no offence, but if you start worrying about it you may give off a desparate vibe which will scare decent guys off. Don't be embarrassed by being single and don't let it stop you enjoying your life. If you are looking for advice, I would recommend Paige Parker and Michelle Mckinley Jones (they helped me).

Mrsteddyruxpin · 27/01/2015 23:04

I don't think you're silly at all. I was worried in my late 20s that I was single as i really love children and was terrified it might not happen p

I met dh at 31 and married at 32 and have two under 15 months

I am glad now that I had my twenties to be my own person. I used to come home from days put with friends and their children and have a little cry. Now I have two cute babies when their baby days are long gone.

All will happen in good time. but I sympathise

weeblueberry · 27/01/2015 23:11

When I was 25 I quietly thought the same. Now, 6 years later, I've been with my partner for 5 and a half years and am expecting my second child.

You have no idea what life will throw at you tomorrow :)

mrsfuzzy · 27/01/2015 23:13

don't worry, you'll meet someone special, it's just later for some people that's all, take my track record, i wish someone would - first husband i married at 18, he was a squaddie, sadly killed in the falklands war, remarried on the rebound and divorced just as quick, remarried, husband died [alcohol], remarried and now settled, have kids -phew ! what i'm getting at op is that we can't all take the direct route to the 'happy ever after' but we generally get there in the end. so will you, don't beat yourself up, there appears to be some smug mn er's on here tonight, you aren't being silly in the least.

wyamc · 27/01/2015 23:15

No, you're very young! I met dh at 28 and we eventually married when I was 35.

I was quite happy that way - do you know I thought about what kind of person I would be interested in, then I sought him out.

So what kind of person would you like as a long term partner? What interests might they have? Where would you be likely to meet such a person?

EatShitDerek · 27/01/2015 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColdCottage · 27/01/2015 23:16

In my mind most people I know marry between 28-36 and my fiends are only starting to have children early 30's. Before that you have/need the time to fit in travel, a career, working out who you are and then who you want to be with.

Don't worry, get out there and have fun and it will happen!

FixItUpChappie · 27/01/2015 23:18

OP I was dateless, loveless and totally on my own at 29. A few months later I met my husband. We travelled, married, bought a house and had our first child all in the span of 3 years. It just clicked.

Don't fret at 27. Just make sure your getting out there meeting people and enjoying your life. You've got time.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 27/01/2015 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

silverfingersandtoes · 27/01/2015 23:25

Try not to build your life around being part of a couple / family. I was a wife and mum but am now a widow whose DC have flown the nest to live their own lives - so here I am, alone again just like you. It happens to lots of us! Enjoy this time you have to live your life the way you want - who knows what you'll be doing in five years' time? You're a person in your own right, just as valuable as anyone else .

Original poster

saveyourtearsforthepillow · 27/01/2015 23:32

Thank you everyone, sorry it was just I spent an evening with my friends and it was all wedding and baby talk.

Of course I am happy for them but it's just a constant reminder that it's not happened for me.

But you are all right I have no idea what life has planned for me.

OP posts:

emmelinelucas · 27/01/2015 23:38

26 ? 26 ? you are still so so young.
Get out there (you won't meet anyone at all otherwise) and don't look for love. Enjoy your indpendence, late nights watching films curled up with a bottle of wine eating chocolate. Doing what you like.
Love will find you.If that is what is meant for you.
I met my DH when I was 44 (I think - it was a good few years ago) and no children. But I have step children and grandchildren
What i am trying to say is - enjoy what you have and be joyeous. You will attract the best that life can give you.
(I would like to swap with you, just for a week)

AWholeLottaNosy · 27/01/2015 23:42

When I saw your thread I thought you were 35! You are still very young. However... I'm nearly 50 and although I don't regret not having kids, with hindsight I didn't realise how short the window of opportunity was and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time on fuckwits.

My advice to you is to try to meet a man older than you who has played around a bit and now wants to settle down. Men my own age rarely wanted that but when they had established their own careers they were more keen to. Sorry if that sounds sexist/ageist but I've seen it a lot. You still have many years to have kids but an older man may be a better bet. Good luck.

Justyouwaitandsee · 27/01/2015 23:46

At 26 I was just about recovered from a hard and painful split with long term ex and some Ill advised flings and dating. Publicly stated on FB my intention to buy myself a diamond ring so I definitely wasn't waiting for someone to 'put a ring on it'. 3/4 months later I met now DH, 7 months after that we were engaged. The rest is (very happy) history...(and i never got round to buying my own ring!)

hopingforamiracle · 27/01/2015 23:49

I'm 24 and have felt like an outsider all my life. I understand how you feel, life is unfair. I haven't got any friends due to social anxiety, infact I haven't had a friend since I was 13! I got diagnosed with endometriosis last year and I have pretty much given up hope after that. Knowing my luck, I probably won't be able to have kids. I'm trying to come to terms with that. It annoys me so much when people say "you're so young, you have so much time". Um, no I fucking don't. I'm in the prime of my fertility and I'm riddled with endo.

BankWadger · 27/01/2015 23:51

At 26 nearly 27 I was single. By my 28th birthday I had a boyfriend and a baby on the way. It all came as a bit of a shock really as my life hadn't been conducive to a relationship let alone a family at 26.

Plenty of people find the love of their lives and or have families well past their 20's.

McFox · 27/01/2015 23:52

You've got plenty of time. I met my now DH at 34, married at 37, had our DS at 38 and at 39 we're discussing having another. There's no rush, waiting til the right man appears is way more important than hitting some imaginary deadline!

piggychops · 27/01/2015 23:56

Single? Get out there and make the most of the freedom you have! The world's your oyster. Love will come along when you least expect it

BringMeTea · 28/01/2015 00:02

I suppose I never had (many) peers marrying that young so it never occurred to me. I know I did not even consider wanting to think about marrying until my early 30s. I was rarely single though. Maybe you would feel differently if you were in a relationship even if you didn't want to marry them?

Anyhow. Start with embracing being single! And do not use that awful phrase 'on the shelf' about you or anyone else.

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