Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to by upset about this ?

55 replies

indyindie · 26/01/2015 20:29

Long boring backstory so I will trim it.

My parent's live 10 minutes away , they see me and my dcs 5 time's a year at most (and only when we go to them).
They don't call , or show any interest in our lives, they sent my dds birthday present last year instead of coming over.

I have tried my upmost to forge some sort of relationship with them , I have invited them over , call them regularly etc. Nothing has worked .
My dsis has the same issues and has done for 12 years since her ds was born.

But my other dsis, they have her dd 5 days a week while she is at work (and have done since she was 4 months old) , they babysit any time she wants and visit her all the time. They couldn't even babysit for me when my dhs mother died.
They are off on holiday next month and taking dsis dd of course , I haven't even heard from them in 2 months .

I realise I should just get over it , but it breaks my heart my kids will grow up feeling 2nd best. Do I just completely cut contact now ? Or try again and again.

OP posts:
Theboodythatrocked · 26/01/2015 20:33

Unbelievably nasty! And wierd op. Of course you are upset! What were they like when you were all children? Do you get on with the golden child sister? Wow just wow!

pinkyredrose · 26/01/2015 20:34

That's horrific behaviour on thier part Angry really really bad.

How ever clears throat I think it's time you accepted that they prefer that sister and her children. They have warped thinking, please try and find a way to move forward that doesn't involve them. Some people have no idea how to parent and that's them

ahbollocks · 26/01/2015 20:34

Id give it up. Sorry to not be more helpful but it sounds like it would be better for you

Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 20:37

They where great growing up , not very loving but we where happy enough.
They are 100% fine when I do see them they act as if the whole situation is normal.
It is nasty , makes me feel so worthless. Me and that dsis get on ok , our dds where born a few weeks apart so we do play areas etc now and then .

OP posts:
pictish · 26/01/2015 20:42

Have you asked them?
Maybe you should.

Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 20:43

I have spent so many hours trying to understand why they do this but i don't get it , I would never dream of treating dds like this. The only thing that makes me feel iykwim better is they do the same to my other dsis aswell

OP posts:
Theboodythatrocked · 26/01/2015 20:43

But surely she thinks it's strange? Can't she raise it with your parents? Can't you and the other sister go visit and just sit down and tell them how you feel? How it is upsetting you?

PopularNamesInclude · 26/01/2015 20:46

They sound like terrible parents, and they clearly don't care much about you. That's an incredibly sad situation. I think cutting them out would be best for your mental health. There is no need to keep being rejected. It is depressing.

Theboodythatrocked · 26/01/2015 20:47

Is your sister very fragile? Has she had issues to Make them more protective? Not that it is right.

NotOnMyWatchOhNo · 26/01/2015 20:49

Ask them.

Quitelikely · 26/01/2015 20:51

If I was you I wouldn't bother with them anymore. If they can ever be bothered to ask you why then tell the truth.

Absolutely despicable people.

Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 20:53

Theboodythatrocked dsis thinks it's my fault because I don't visit them enough. They drive it's a 10 / 15 minute drive at most. I have to get 2 buses yet I still do it like an idiot. She defends everything they do , because she gets free childcare from them . I thought as a mother she would understand how it feels but no.

no issues with dsis she has lovely house ,drives , has decent Job and happily married. No health problems etc .

OP posts:
Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 20:56

What bugs me most is they have seen dd2 4 times . She is 1 next week . They comment on Facebook photos of her as if they know her and care . I think 1st step is deleting them from there.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 26/01/2015 20:57

Was she the first to have kids? Maybe they ha e used all their energy on the first grandkids to come along?

Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 20:58

I should have added dsis mil/fil also babysit for her regularly (she barely has her own dd).
My mil and fil both past away years ago so we/dcs have no one else which is why I'm clinging to them I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 21:01

No DuelingFanjo her dd is 3 grandchild of 6 .

OP posts:
sticklebrickstickle · 26/01/2015 21:08

What about the PIL of your other Dsis treated the same as you?

I wonder if your parents put all the effort in with your DSis's children because they have other grandparents and they are worried if they don't they will be pushed out.

They're confident in their relationship with your DC because there aren't grandparents on the other side so they don't bother putting in the effort because there's no 'competition' in terms of being the beloved grandparents.

TheFairyCaravan · 26/01/2015 21:12

My parents were the same. They have always looked after my sister's DC right from my niece being 10 days old. They looked after her 5 days a week while my sister worked and at the weekend to give her a break. They took her away for weekends. It was fine when she was the only one and I thought when DS1 was born they'd spend time with him.

We lived 50mins away due to DH's job. If I invited them down, they always brought DN, they never came alone, always put DN first. When I went into labour with DS2 they wouldn't look after DS1. They'd drive past my front door to take DN and in later years DNeph on holiday. They looked after DN when DSis had DNeph of course.

I told them how I felt so they started to lie to me, they got the children to lie and pretended they never took them anywhere. As DNeph got older he came to stay at our house and told my kids, not maliciously he forgot, that he had been to Spain, France, Ireland etc with my parents.

I went NC with my parents when I asked them to have my kids for a few days while I had major surgery, but my mum said they had to work. They are self employed. 2 days before I went into hospital she let it slip that she was taking my sister's 3 children and my niece's son abroad on a villa Holliday on the day of my op. That year they had also given my niece a car for her 18th. Since then my kids have had £20 for their 18Th birthdays.

This Christmas DS1(20) was talking to someone who said their grandparents were dead, and he said "mine might as well be!" So, whilst what your mum is doing is hurtful, and I cried many, many tears over mine, your children will make their own minds up and your mum will reap what she's sewn.

LumpenproletariatAndProud · 26/01/2015 21:12

I've been in one of your children's position and its very hurtful.

One of my grandparents saw his grandchildren weekly, if not more. Spoilt them, adored them, was a grandparent to them.

I can recall seeing him once.

We all lived in the same area, no more than 10 mins drive from one another.

It still hurts me now. It sucks.

Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 21:15

That could well be it sticklebrickstickle dsis has no pil either ( also deceased ).
So you are right no competition from anyone else. That makes sense.

I thought they would make more of an effort not less . They are no doubt trying to outdo dsis pil .

OP posts:
Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 21:25

TheFairyCaravan that all sounds so familiar , they drive by my house at least twice a week going shopping or to country park beside me .
They took dsis and dn on 4 holidays last year .

They also always bring dn with them on the rare occasion they did visit even on weekends.
I couldn't attend lovely mils funeral because they couldn't watch dd for an hour or two .
So sorry you have been through the same , it's not nice.

OP posts:
Original poster
indyindie · 26/01/2015 21:26

LumpenproletariatAndProud That's terrible , I don't understand some people. I would rather dds didn't see them at all than feel like that .

OP posts:
woodychip · 26/01/2015 21:33

But have you asked them why? Phoned them or emailed or written a letter?

AntiHop · 26/01/2015 21:39

I agree with pp, ask them why.

It's not a nice way to treat you and your dc.

bigfatfanclub · 27/01/2015 00:08

My parents are like this. I brought it up with them, admittedly while angry about the whole situation and it started world war 3. Our relationship now is almost non-existent, even though they are aware I am pregnant with my second child. TBH I'm sorry I opened my mouth, so if you do raise it with them, be careful how you phrase it and don't expect it to make much difference.

Swipe left for the next trending thread