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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say I don't want a bloody routine

59 replies

OohLaLaa · 22/01/2015 13:47

I have a 4 month old DD. I'm very baby led with her, she co sleeps, breast feeds on demand, naps when she wants, usually on me if we aren't out, and I either feed or rock her to sleep. We have no set 'bed time' and just take each day as it comes. She's a really happy, contented baby.

According to some though, I'm doing her a great disservice by not putting her in A Routine. Rod for my own back hate that phrase anyway etc & so forth.

AIBU to think I know my DD, and that a routine is not the way forward for her at the moment?

OP posts:

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 22/01/2015 13:50

my two boys settled into their own routines without me imposing one. And it's subject to change as they change. My 2 year old has moved his nap from morning to afternoon in the last few months, which is what he needs. As babies, I fed when they needed feeding, not because a clock said it was feeding time.

YANBU at all.

LoofahVanDross · 22/01/2015 13:50

I am with you OP I never had a routine with any of mine. They just went out when we wanted to go out, bed when it suited us. Never been a problem. You do your own thing. It works. When I think of my friends who wouldn't go out until after the morning nap. Or had to be back for the afternoon nap if the baby is tired he/she will sleep in the car, buggy, pram etc. Why change your whole life because you have a baby.

Aherdofmims · 22/01/2015 13:51

I didn't bother much with pfb.

With No 2 and subsequent you often find they fall into a routine that fits around existing siblings.

It's totally up to you.

You might find you slip into a routine later on when baby is a bit bigger. A bedtime routine works quite well when you want a bit of structure back.

NotCitrus · 22/01/2015 13:51

YANBU. Enjoy taking her wherever you want when you want. She'll be a toddler wanting routine soon enough.

Hoppinggreen · 22/01/2015 13:51

We don't really have a routine but as DD was an only 1 and I didn't intend to go back to work it didn't matter.
With DS though we had to have a bit more of one to fit in with his sisters school/meals/bedtime/activities .
They are 6 and 10 now and have both turned out ok

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/01/2015 13:51

Your baby, do what you like. I was much the same but found that DS fell into a routine. It's not to the minute, but I find that after 2 hours of being awake he'll need a sleep, when he wakes up he needs a feed etc. I suppose the only caveat is if you're sending him to nursery/child minder/family, there needs to be a realistic arrangement.

editthis · 22/01/2015 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolfiefan · 22/01/2015 13:55

My 5 year old has a routine. She has to get up for school. We eat at set times.
Rigid routines never suited us when kids were small. Eat when hungry. Sleep when tired. Change as necessary. Repeat!!
Perhaps say to people "I'm glad that worked for you" if they push routines?

Quitelikely · 22/01/2015 13:55

I bet your baby does have a routine but you just haven't realised!

And as long as you are happy doing doing the leg work I don't understand why other people are bothered about what you do!

wobblyweebles · 22/01/2015 13:56

I didn't particularly want one, but my baby did...

wobblyweebles · 22/01/2015 13:56

And once she was in one I got so sick of 'go with the flow' types telling me I was damaging her for life...

MerryMarigold · 22/01/2015 13:59

You remind me so much of me. Just enjoy it and do what you like for now!

I think you will change your mind when you have 3 kids in school. I am now forced to have a routine, just to make sure everything happens. We even have a weekly food plan! You just need to get really organised and embrace it, I suppose.

My first child is much more insecure and anxious than my other 2. He found having siblings a massive shock, and going to school. I think we had such a free and easy life, and he was possibly the happiest toddler on earth!!! I think, with hindsight, more routine would have helped make the adjustment to siblings and school more easily. But maybe it's just the way he is, and nothing I could have done about it. My other kids were more routine based (but definitely not when it came to feeding or sleeping at 4 months).

I suppose it's more of an attitude thin. Don't hate routine, try and embrace bits of it that are useful. And have fun!

Jackiebrambles · 22/01/2015 13:59

You'll probably find it helps to have a bit of a routine once you wean. But you are a couple of months off that.

Because at first you find you are trying to fit in breast feeds and solid food at set times too, so it makes sense to have solid food at meal times for the baby.

I think when they are really little it doesn't matter. It matters more when:

They are eating solids
They reduce nap times and you need them to sleep at night so you have to plan meals and days around that nap time
if you want to go out and get a babysitter, it helps that they go to bed at a certain time
when/if you go back to work and it would help to get them into a routine for the childminder/nursery.

Aherdofmims · 22/01/2015 14:01

I really think either way is fine.

Fashion has massively changed in the 5 years between my kids.

With dc1 (see above - now 6) everyone was in favour of routines and we didn't really do one. Controlled crying seemed to be really in then as well.

Now it seems to have gone the other way and everything is all attachment parenting, baby led whatever, and dc2 has much more of a routine than dc1!

Theboodythatrocked · 22/01/2015 14:01

Oh I had to have a routine with mine especially the younger 2 as they had to fit round older dcs complicated lives.

You don't need it so much with pfb as there's only one baby to cope with.

Your choice op and your baby. Ignore advice unless it seems helpful.

FreudiansSlipper · 22/01/2015 14:01

I got told the same no routine (came about in a natural way) fed on demand, carried him around in a sling at home much of the time and co sleeping worked for us

Ds used to fall asleep in my arms every night or on he sofa then I would carry him to bed that was bad too until he was about 4

Since going to school I very rarely have a problem him going to bed he recognises when he is tired and will not fight it odd occasion he does he is not up for long

Ignore I did

MerryMarigold · 22/01/2015 14:01

I would also say that I think routine loving parents often (not always) have routine children. And non routine parents often have babies who are very 'un' routined. With 3, 2 of mine were definitely (and are definitely) not routine 'naturals'. My ds2, on the other hand, falls asleep when it's 7.30, starts yelling if he doesn't get his meal by 6.00pm etc. You can set your clock by him!

Goldmandra · 22/01/2015 14:02

You'll also probably be told that your DD needs to be made to eat vegetables before she can have dessert and that she needs to go to a preschool as soon as she's two to learn to share with other children.

Some people seem to feel the need to push parents of younger children into doing certain things in order to validate their own choices. If you have fought long and hard to get your baby into a routine, you may not want to see someone managing perfectly well without one.

Follow your instincts. They are usually an excellent parenting guide.

DoJo · 22/01/2015 14:02

Who are the people criticising your lack of routine?

I barely had one when mine was tiny, and still don't really have one now as I work around him and find it easier to adjust my patterns to suit his needs if he has had a bad night/growth spurt/grumpy day etc and nobody seemed to give a shit as there was a fairly good mix of those who needed a routine for everyone's benefit and those who didn't.

SingRingPing · 22/01/2015 14:02

I hate it when people assume that having a routine means you are letting the baby rule and you are not getting on with your life. Each to their own and whatever works for you, but for me havingg a routine meant I could have control of my day. I knew when would be the best time to each lunch on my own, shower, meet friends etc and could guarantee that my child would be in bed at 7 in the dot and I could have a blissful break eating a meal with dH, and they would have a good sleep. It's not all clock watching and 'sorry I'm housebound'.
However equally people shouldn't tell you to put them in a routine either, a happy mum is a happy baby. Some people like structure, some don't.

TheWitTank · 22/01/2015 14:03

Completely up to you -loved my routines with both children, but if no routine works best for you then brilliant!

MrsDeVere · 22/01/2015 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theboodythatrocked · 22/01/2015 14:05

When I was a reception class TA we completely noticed the ones without the warily bed time routine though.

Really affected learning and concentration in those whose parents openly admitted they 'Let them fall asleep on the sofa watching tele at stupid a clock.

You are a bit away from that op!

ComeClose · 22/01/2015 14:05

Do what works for you and your baby.

I had a routine for bedtimes from about 8 weeks in with both DC, as I wanted my evenings! Other than that, they fitted in with me in so much as if I wanted to go out and meet friends or needed to go to the shops, they had their sleep in their buggy or fed on the go. I could never have been one of those people who HAD to be at home because my baby needed a sleep at 12.15 in their own cot etc etc.

If youre happy wth how things are, learn the motherly art of smiling blankly and changing the subject when people give you 'helpful' advice .

zzzzz · 22/01/2015 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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