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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

fag butt in my loo?

36 replies

mrsruffallo · 30/12/2014 10:49

Dinner party last night, lots of good friends and one friend with a husband I don't know very well. He smokes, I said fine, you can smoke in the back garden. He went a few times made jokes about how cold it was '...minus one degree now!!' etc etc. There is a small extra toilet, in a tiny bathroom, next to my back door. I went in this morning and the window was open and a fag butt was floating in the bowl! I felt sick. AIBU to ask him about it?

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 30/12/2014 10:51

Ew. Don't ask him about it...tell him "Oi! Don't smoke in my bathroom and then leave the evidence in the loo you manky bastard!" make sure there's an audience too. Shame is the way to go.

CalleighDoodle · 30/12/2014 10:52

Disgusting.

TENDTOprocrastinate · 30/12/2014 10:54

Maybe he smoked it outside and then tried to flush the stub down the loo? That's better than throwing it in the garden imo. Putting it in the bin would be dangerous.

LongDistanceLove · 30/12/2014 10:55

It is a bit minging, but it's not like he has smeared shit over your walls.

I think a 'this is a non smoking house, you can smoke outside, not in my toilet' would suffice.

SaucyJack · 30/12/2014 10:56

Does it smell of smoke? Was any harm done in the grand scheme?

Nancy66 · 30/12/2014 10:57

thing is smokers must know that fag butts don't flush - so to do it anyway is pretty disrespectful.

Nelehwelly · 30/12/2014 10:57

I agree that he may have tried to flush the butts, and one didn't flush properly. If he'd been smoking in there you'd have smelled it.

I wouldn't say anything, it'll only stir up bad feeling over something he might not have actually done.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 30/12/2014 11:00

That's what I thought nancy- passive aggressive. Twat.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsruffallo · 30/12/2014 11:01

There is a huge plant pot on the decking that has been used as an ashtray by many guests- no need to flush it down the loo.

OP posts:
Nelehwelly · 30/12/2014 11:04

Where would you have preferred them to go? In the garden? Or in the bin (risking a fire if not properly extinguished after a few drinks)?

Less pleasant things than fag butts go into a toilet. I'm not really sure what the issue is - that you had to look at a cigarette butt today.

(I'm also a non-smoker in a non-smoking house).

Nelehwelly · 30/12/2014 11:06

Oh, cross-posted.

I find the plant-pot more disgusting than attempting to flush them, to be honest.

Maybe he thought so too? Do him a favour and don't invite him back again.

CheeseBuster · 30/12/2014 11:07

I wouldn't have him back in my house. He has disrespected your home, your wishes and basically ignored you.

Viviennemary · 30/12/2014 11:08

Yuck. Don't invite them ever again.

specialsubject · 30/12/2014 11:09

dirty sod. dog-ends are not flushable. All that goes in a toilet are body wastes and toilet paper.

fag butts go in the bin after being held in the hand to ensure they are out. End of. Quite surprised you couldn't smell the smoke if he had been smoking in the toilet, though.

It is his choice to be a slave to his addiction. Cold outside? Tough.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 30/12/2014 11:10

The issue is that it's my house I have cleaned, cooked for him, provided alcohol and tried to engage him in some interesting conversation (bloody hard) and he throws a fag down my loo!

It was obvious he had smoked in there-there was ash on the window ledge.

OP posts:
Dunkling · 30/12/2014 11:10

I'd have been really annoyed. Thing is, we all know those grotty black marks down pub and public toilets from butt ends going down the loos. I'd be furious is someone did that to mine.

Tattiebogle · 30/12/2014 11:10

Dont invite them back and not because it was a fag, just because he disregarded a request from you whilst in your home. It could have been anything. And when your friend asks why they've not been invited for ages - tell her its because of your husband.

ArgentinianMalbec · 30/12/2014 11:14

Ugh how disrespectful and rude to smoke in your house when you specifically told him to smoke outside. I wouldn't say anything, I just wouldn't ever invite them again. If they ask, tell them why.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 30/12/2014 11:15

Back door upstairs from dining room.

OP posts:
Nelehwelly · 30/12/2014 11:17

Ash on the window ledge - that's a fairly salient detail, you should have lead with that as obviously that is proof that he smoked in there, whereas a fag butt alone isn't.

So yeah, on the basis of newly disclosed 'evidence' he's a disrespectful twat.

BelleateSebastian · 30/12/2014 11:18

Do you really feel sick at a fag end in your toilet? .... Thank fuck he didn't leave a floating turd eh!

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 30/12/2014 11:20

Sorry, thought the fag butt was obvious enough although gross either way! Fag butt left in loo annoys me more than him smoking in there!

OP posts:
catsofa · 30/12/2014 11:25

Smokers just don't realise how much their smoke stinks and how nasty it is for non-smokers. They can't smell it themselves and addiction makes them minimise it. I'd go with "humiliate him in front of an audience".

I gave up a year ago and am now pregnant, people keep thinking they can smoke in another room with the window open, it fucking stinks and means I can't use the kitchen in my own house because the smell makes me want to vomit. But they assume this is fine and IABU when I tell them not to.

Carolinecotton01 · 30/12/2014 11:30

Flush it away and get on with your day.

Carolinecotton01 · 30/12/2014 11:31

Hahahahahahahahaah that was funny