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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is my ex husband?

73 replies

vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:06

It's dd' s birthday in a month. .she has just had loads for xmas. Big families on both sides and couldn't want for anything.

She needs a new bike.

I can't afford one on my own.

She has xmas money and wants to put it towards it.

He has refused. He said she can't spend money on something to be kept at mine. Which is where she lives 26 days out of every 30.

She told me not to ask him as he would say no and he never listens. She was right.

So. Aibu to think it's ok for a child to put xmas or birthday money into a bigger present that they wouldn't otherwise have.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 29/12/2014 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dawndonnaagain · 29/12/2014 18:09

Sounds quite reasonable to me. Have you looked on Amazon, we found a great adult Raleigh on there for £90. Had to put it together but it's a good bike.

CheeseandGherkins · 29/12/2014 18:10

Yanbu but why did you ask him? Surely she puts the money towards the bike and that's the end of it?

OriginalGreenGiant · 29/12/2014 18:10

What would he have her spend it on? Or would he rather she saved it?

I can't see anything wrong with letting her spend it on something she wants and needs.

OriginalGreenGiant · 29/12/2014 18:13

How does she get to his? Car? If that's his only objection, shove it in the boot and let her take it back and forth.

QueenBean · 29/12/2014 18:13

How old is the child? Surely it's her money to spend as she wishes

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:13

We also need mud guards and a helmet.

So that bumps the cost up.

Others will chip in but it will only be small amounts as they have brought joint, and bigger xmas presents, to help out... again, stuff that I could just not afford.

He doesn't see that dd misses out. It's so unfair on her.

Any present he gets her stays at his too..so his whole side of the family buy her things that she then can't use or play with. It's just so mean..

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 29/12/2014 18:14

I'm expecting what she means is the money has been given by 'his' family so sent to his home and he's holding on to it and won't let the child have it for what she wants.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 29/12/2014 18:15

He's pathetic and you don't need his permission for your dd to use her xmas money towards a bike

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:16

She will be 9.

I had to ask as the money is at his. He won't actually give it to her.

She will need a bike to do cycle proficiency at school.and they are doing cycling things with her cub group when it's warmer too. She grew out of her last bike 2 years ago and I haven't been able to afford one..

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 29/12/2014 18:17

Sorry I forgot to say YANBU.

It is hers within reason she gets to spend it

WooWooOwl · 29/12/2014 18:17

Why couldn't your ex take her out for a bike ride if he wanted to? Bikes have regularly gone between my house and ex's house here, that's what bike racks are for.

It's your dds money and she wants to make a sensible purchase, so let her. You don't need your ex's permission.

cansu · 29/12/2014 18:20

Put it in writing to him. Suggest that your dd can bring bike with her when she visits him if this is the issue. Then if he is determined to be a twat say nothing else. I would simply point out that this is what your dd would like and being petty about it is simply being mean to his daughter. Then say nothing else about it. It sounds like his refusal is more about being awkward with you tbh. He will eventually regret being a twat as your dd will of course remember these things.

LokiBear · 29/12/2014 18:22

I second the suggestion that you get a bike rack so that the bike can go between both houses. Your ex sounds mean and vindictive. How can a parent hurt their own child just so that they can get at the other parent? The mind boggles.

kim147 · 29/12/2014 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplepoodle · 29/12/2014 18:31

Tell him when she is at his she can take the bike with her.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:31

I know.

He just refuses to see it like that.

OP posts:
Purplepoodle · 29/12/2014 18:33

Could u ask both grandparents to contribute

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:35

Would be the same. Grandparents present on his side, wouldn't be able to be used.
He wouldn't let her use the money, even though it was given to her.

OP posts:
OfaFrenchMind · 29/12/2014 18:38

What a pathetic little man.

Tinks42 · 29/12/2014 18:39

Exactly what cansu said.

He's just being an awkward twat, unfortunately at your daughters expense.

GilbertBlytheWouldGiftIt · 29/12/2014 18:40

What a jerk. It's your DD's bike, not your house's bike, nobhead.

Coyoacan · 29/12/2014 18:40

Would you have to buy a new bike? How expensive are second-hand bikes?

Children grow out of them so fast, I'm sure you wouldn't have much trouble picking one up for a reasonable amount.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:40

I'll have to find a way myself. Sell some of my xmas presents I got or something.

She shouldn't miss out because of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:43

She needs a 26 inch wheel bike... which is adults size. And should last her till she's about 14... unless she gets to 5'7 before then.

Makes it a bit more expensive. Same as the helmet. .. needs to be adults.

And mud guards.... For an adult sized bike.

OP posts: