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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is my ex husband?

73 replies

vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:06

It's dd' s birthday in a month. .she has just had loads for xmas. Big families on both sides and couldn't want for anything.

She needs a new bike.

I can't afford one on my own.

She has xmas money and wants to put it towards it.

He has refused. He said she can't spend money on something to be kept at mine. Which is where she lives 26 days out of every 30.

She told me not to ask him as he would say no and he never listens. She was right.

So. Aibu to think it's ok for a child to put xmas or birthday money into a bigger present that they wouldn't otherwise have.

OP posts:
YellowTulips · 29/12/2014 18:45

He's BU.

DH and I buy presents for DSD (she splits her time between us and her Mum) and its up to her which house those presents end up at.

They are HER things not his and she should choose where they reside.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:48

And after 6 years apart he still hasn't grasped this concept.

OP posts:
kim147 · 29/12/2014 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SackAndCrack · 29/12/2014 18:51

I got a really well looked after bike for £50 recently.

What's the desperate need for mud guards? And helmets don't cost too much.

Are you talking about brand new bikes, mudguards on straight away and too dollar helmet?

auntpetunia · 29/12/2014 18:56

Get your daughte to write to her grandparents on his side telling them she'd like to put the money towards a bike but her dad won't let her have the money. And ask would they mind if she bought a bike with it. Maybe they don't realise her dad is such an ass.

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 18:59

We will be going off road. .and it's quite rural here. She needs mud guards...chespest are 15 pounds..Cheapest helmet was 29 pounds.

That's 45 without the bike.......

Can anyone find anything online about how this is unfair on the child. I've had a quick Google and can't find anything. .

Same as the not letting her bring any present back here.

He would take notice of something ' proper , in writing' when I say anything it just makes him cross. .

OP posts:
Stampysladygarden · 29/12/2014 19:02

He's being a nob but you can get good quality second hand bikes for next to nothing.

skinnyamericano · 29/12/2014 19:08

I have recently bought a great bike from Ebay, and my friend bought her boys bikes from Gumtree for Christmas...definitely worth a look.

Bonbonbonbon · 29/12/2014 19:09

Look on Gumtree or ebay for a second hand bike. I got a fantastic bike on eBay, very well looked after. Helmet must be new, and I would get the best you can afford. Mudguards you can actually make at home from empty Coke bottles. Look on Pinterest for a DIY tutorial.

Littlefish · 29/12/2014 19:10

If you are near worcestershire, there is a brilliant charity called Spokes which teaches young adults with learning difficulties how to renovate bikes which are then sold to the general public. We have bought a couple of really great bikes from there.

SorchaN · 29/12/2014 19:10

Gumtree can be pretty good for quality second hand bikes. Over the years I've bought my kids some virtually unused Ridgeback bikes on Gumtree for much less than the RRP. Gumtree might be a bit quiet for the next week or so, but should pick up in the new year. Also, is your daughter very tall? When my daughter was nine, she was on a 24 inch bike...

But no, YANBU. Your ex is being ridiculous.

IDontDoIroning · 29/12/2014 19:17

There's a charity / social enterprise near us that renovates bikes and sells them - perhaps there is something similar near you?
Also what happens if she asks for her money?

Hurr1cane · 29/12/2014 19:21

Can you go to a second hand bike shop? A proper one (don't buy bikes off ebay too risky) they'll service it and make sure it's all good.

We got DS a second hand one for £50 that DP, the bike snob, was happy with.

Hurr1cane · 29/12/2014 19:23

DP did say that unless you know about bikes and can check them over them buying off ebay and gumtree isn't a good idea, lots of little things can be wrong with bikes which render them useless in a month/ very hard to ride etc.

Second hand bike shops are the best bet

TheRealAmandaClarke · 29/12/2014 19:46

I assume he is your ex because he is. Controlling arse.
Of course there is plenty of information online explaining that he is BU. Most of it easily found on the women's aid website.
Why is the money at his house? Who gave it to her?

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 19:52

The only second hand bike in a 25 mile radius with the correct wheel and frame Size.... is the same as the new one we have picked. Amd it's starting bid is only 40 pounds under the new price.

The guy in the shop did say he just sold his daughters and only lost 5 pounds on it in 3 years.

OP posts:
Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 19:57

Dd is very tall. She was measured at an independent bike shop first as I didn't want bias information because they are after a sale!

The money was from her nana... His mum. She won't ask for the money as she is scared of him and said he won't listen.

Which, he hasn't.

We don't have a second hand bike shop anywhere near. .We used to have a little place that repaired bikes and sometimes got them in but it closed last year. .

OP posts:
MimiSunshine · 29/12/2014 20:04

This is a bit sneaky and I'm not it would be right to involve a 9 year old, but is there anyway the money could be spent on something (clothes?) that are then returned for the cash which is then put to the bike?
Or would insist they kept at his too?

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 20:05

They would have to be kept at his too.

Like I said. He had her 4 nights a month. That's it.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 29/12/2014 20:10

Try freecycle, or get her onto a course where she gets a free bike at the end of it - most areas have funding to provide these free courses. We've run a couple at our gardens.

auntpetunia · 29/12/2014 20:11

So get Dd to write to nana asking would she mind if dd bought a bike for her school and cub activities with the money. Then his mum can tell him to give the money to DD.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 29/12/2014 20:11

Of course YANBU
But how to solve the problem?

Original poster
vintagecrap · 29/12/2014 20:29

To be honest. I'm skint... but not so skint that I can't afford one at all. I wouldn't feel right taking a bike someone else in a worse situation could have.
I can afford about 80 pounds. Bike and bits needed come in at just under 200.
It's not a huge stretch.... 20 pounds from her auntie. 20 from her uncle. 10 from each of my parents so another 20. 10 from her step grandad.... rest from her xmas money.

It's not even like her dad is hard up. He is on a very good wage and just brought a new car and got her a tablet for xmas. ....which she has to keep at his and can only use 4 days a month. .

OP posts:
SparklesForEveryone · 29/12/2014 20:41

I got a mountain bike for nothing on freecycle....?

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/12/2014 21:02

I've given away several bikes on freecycle.

Now is the time OP - when people may have had new bikes for christmas and be wanting to get rid of their old ones.

Fuck him and his twattishness. He will reap what he sows.

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