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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask... Would you break up with a man that....

54 replies

IloveOreossx · 17/12/2014 14:16

-Makes you feel like shit.
-Makes you feel terrible for asking him to pass you a drink because he has a bad back and youre "Lazy"
-Always throws your past up at you, although his is alot more damning.
-Always says how much he does for you, yet disregards 99% Of what you do for him.
-drops hints that he will break up with you, then retracts it within a day.
-Calls you lazy if you refuse to do anything (ie, a PJ day or something) yet NEVER lifts a finger.
-Ignores you in favour of his PS4.
-Has lied to you 3 times in your relationship (14yrs)
-Never wants to spend time with you.
-Says he will spend time with you, then goes out for 9hrs with his brother.
theres more but I cant think of any atm... I'm really F**king hurting right now. I'm driving myself insane.

OP posts:
angelohsodelight · 17/12/2014 14:18

Err ... yes... no time like the present. Give yourself a happy new year without the twat.

Cleorapter · 17/12/2014 14:19

I would break up with a man that just did the first one, never mind the rest.

You're clearly unhappy, perhaps it's time to make some changes...getting rid of the person that makes you feel like shit is probably a good place to start.

Original poster
IloveOreossx · 17/12/2014 14:19

50% of me wants to. 50% of me doesnt. It'll be extremely hard coping without him after knowing him for 20yrs and being with him for almost 15. it may need to be done but i guess i need someone to tell me that (being honest here, Please dont have a go)

OP posts:
NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 17/12/2014 14:20

Yes I would.
Ask for this to be moved to relationships.

Lilicat1013 · 17/12/2014 14:20

For me the first one is reason enough, there doesn't need to be any more reasons to break up with someone. Your post really comes across like you don't want to be with him any more so now it is just about making a plan to make that happen. Good luck.

CrapBag · 17/12/2014 14:21

Of course.

I wouldn't put up with even a few of those on that list, let alone all of them. He sounds like a waste of space.

Original poster
IloveOreossx · 17/12/2014 14:21

I don't want to, but part of me does. I'm so torn right now. Crying as I write this :/ I want him, but not like he is, and only he can change himself I cant do that for him.

OP posts:
isseywithcats · 17/12/2014 14:22

you have just given ten reasons to break up with him and not one single reason to stay with him why is he still in your life get rid and start next year free from this person

Fudgeface123 · 17/12/2014 14:24

In a heartbeat, yes

TongueBiter · 17/12/2014 14:25

Hell, yes. What would make it worth staying?!

Aeroflotgirl · 17/12/2014 14:26

Yes LTB and make yoyrself happy, life is too short. A relationship should complement your life, not make it hard.

Ohfourfoxache · 17/12/2014 14:27

Yes. Immediately.

How can you stand to be with him Oreo? You're wise and articulate and funny and I'm 1000000% sure that you could do so much better for yourself.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 17/12/2014 14:28

I want him, but not like he is
That's like saying I want sushi, but only if it's deep fried and made out of cheese. Ie it ceases to become sushi at all. That is how he is, people don't change that much really. Time to realise that.

HeraldAngelSinging · 17/12/2014 14:30

Do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling as you do? You are probably still young enough to do something about it before it's too late. There will be someone else out there who is completely different.

My X ground me down over 20+ years and I knew no different. I thought all men were like that so, when I did get rid, I swore to myself that I would never marry again. Lo and behold! I did marry again and it was to the most wonderful man ever who treated me like royalty all the time.

There will be someone else out there for you.

TTTatty · 17/12/2014 14:30

Another one who would breakup at the first thing on your list. Although it might seem like a massive thing to do when you get to the other side it will feel like the best thing ever you have done!

There are plenty of decent, kind, loving men out there - why waste your time with someone who makes you feel like shit?

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 17/12/2014 14:30

Yes Ehric - I was trying to think of a way to word that.

Johnogroats · 17/12/2014 14:30

Is there anything good about ths bloke? I wouldn't put up with any of the things on the list. It's not normal.

Move on with your life. Enjoy life without him.

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/12/2014 14:31

50% of me doesnt. It'll be extremely hard coping without him after knowing him for 20yrs and being with him for almost 15

Really? What exactly will be hard? Apart from the door slapping his arse as you kick him out?

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 17/12/2014 14:32

Yes. He's been like this for two decades, he will not change. You can.

Betrayedbutsurvived · 17/12/2014 14:34

You talk about him changing himself, but he never will, why should he? You've put up with it for 14 years, he believes you'll put up with it forever. How old are you? What shifted me into gear to leave abusive twat number 2 was the realisation that I'd spent half my life being abused by two exes, imagine living like this in ten years time, or twenty, or imagine in your old age looking back, and this is what you're entire life has been like. Scared the crap out of me.

Goingintohibernation · 17/12/2014 14:35

I sincerely hope I would but I know it is not always that easy. I don't think it is really him you want though is it? He sounds horrible. If you split up with him you give yourself the chance to find a man who will treat you right.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/12/2014 14:35

Your first reason would be enough for me to kick him out.

"50% of me wants to. 50% of me doesnt."
Can you put into words the reasons NOT to break up with this person? By that I don't mean 'because we've been together a long time' - what specific reasons, how this relationship benefits you emotionally/practically/financially/any way at all?

Electriclaundryland · 17/12/2014 14:38

Sounds like you're not getting what you need or deserve from this relationship and you're rightly unhappy. Leaving a LTR is always hard. Don't let fear of change make you stay if you're miserable with him.

DoraGora · 17/12/2014 14:42

Blimey, and the upside is?

amicissimma · 17/12/2014 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.