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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kissing (almost) adult children

53 replies

NC132 · 17/12/2014 01:32

My partner always kissing his DCs on the lips (ages 16-22, male and female). I find this very uncomfortable - he sees them 50/50, at least 3 times a week so it's not like he doesn't see them often, when they come in he sits there with his lips puckered and they all kiss him on the lips, a couple (there are 4) look uncomfortable.

AIBU to think you don't do this once they are practically or are adults? I hug and kiss my 18yo son (on the cheek) but this lip kissing makes mE uncomfortable, especially as the kids get older.

OP posts:
Username12345 · 17/12/2014 01:40

YABU

I've seen people do this. I don't, but don't see anything wrong with it.

It's your issue.

BOFster · 17/12/2014 01:45

Really? Unless it involves tongues, it's a total non-issue.

Original poster
NC132 · 17/12/2014 01:46

It's not really an issue, it's the way he sits there puckered up waiting. The older the kids get the worse I find it.

OP posts:
Original poster
NC132 · 17/12/2014 01:47

I can't remember ever kissing my parents on the lips.

OP posts:
o0 · 17/12/2014 01:52

I'm 34 and still kiss my mum and dad on the lips.

In a lot of families it's perfectly normal. You don't have to like it or do it but there's nothing wrong with people who do.

If his DC don't like it it's time to maybe have a word. But neatly adults are able to say gerrof dad, I'm not kissing you.

Redglitter · 17/12/2014 01:52

If they don't have a problem with it why not. I always kissed my dad on the lips actually now I think about it

Original poster
NC132 · 17/12/2014 01:56

Maybe it's more common than I realise then, and prepared to admit IABU, I can honestly say i have never seen it before, big hugs yes, but the lip kissing and no other contact to me just looks weird, specially now the kids are adults.

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 17/12/2014 01:56

It does have a bit of a yuck factor to it. But I think that's partially due to the media only showing lip kisses as romantic kisses or kisses between lovers and not as just family affection.

It's all well and good to say it means nothing, but it would still make me cringe seeing a parent-child doing it because of the societal shift in what front kissing mean.

Canyouforgiveher · 17/12/2014 02:07

It is common (so they tell me) in some families/cultures.

For those of us who kiss our parents/adult children on the cheek NOT on the lips while hugging them, it is cringey/awful and so we notice it.

I think if I was in a situation where my partner did this with his children, I'd just find a way to not see it if I could.

sykadelic · 17/12/2014 03:28

Yeah... I'm not a "lip kisser" of kids either. It weirds me out because there's absolutely no need to do it on the lips. To me lips are a romantic kiss.

I have other issues with the passing on of germs as well... germ factories

sykadelic · 17/12/2014 03:29

**I should add, it's not just kids, I don't kiss anyone except my husband on the lips.

Chottie · 17/12/2014 05:49

No one in our family kisses anyone on the lips except for partners (and I'm including extended family in this).

ToAvoidConversation · 17/12/2014 06:22

My mum tried this and gets blocked with a cheek. To me lip kissing is just not necessary. My FIL did it to me recently too...no no no. I'm not a kissy huggy person and will do my best to avoid the whole kissy huggy thing at the end of every meeting with people. Please stop touching me!!!!! Maybe his kids hate it too!

BellaVita · 17/12/2014 06:26

I do it to mine.

My mum does it to me (am nearly 50).

Don't see an issue.

StrawberryMojito · 17/12/2014 06:32

My dm does it to me, I'm not keen and will generally give her my cheek or plant one on hers. We are close but I just reserve lip kissing for Dh and toddler ds. I don't know when I will stop doing it to ds, when he seems uncomfortable with it or at the latest puberty I suppose.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/12/2014 06:34

my dc are 5 and 8 I love hugging and kissing them ( something my parents lacked) I hope this never changes.

GingerbreadPudding · 17/12/2014 07:28

My dad kisses me on the lips and I hate it. I'm in my thirties. I think you reach 13 and lip kisses should end.

R4roger · 17/12/2014 07:31

i wouldnt kiss my dc, teens, on the lips. or my dm

soupey1 · 17/12/2014 07:34

I would also feel uncomfortable with this. I still kiss my adult children regularly on the cheek or forehead, as I do my parents and other extended family when I see them.

Wonc · 17/12/2014 07:41

Nope, not a lip kisser - apart from DH.
It just seems icky.
Mind you, I prefer not to be hugged or kissed by family. A nice handshake is the way to go Grin or a wave. From across the room.

Allingoodfaith · 17/12/2014 07:46

My granny always goes for a full smacker but I would hate it if my dad tried to do it.

I smother my 19 year old in kisses all over her head I don't see the need for a lips one.

Both pairs of my lips are reserved for dp Grin

Notagainmun · 17/12/2014 08:12

Each to their own but I do feel a tad uncomfortable like you. Grown up DC and I kiss on the cheek and lots of hugs, as does all my family. DH family don't kiss or hug ever.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 17/12/2014 08:42

My dad tries this. I turn my cheek quickly so he misses my mouth.

Lips are for partners, not children/siblings.

But then I have been known to offer my hand to a friend coming in for a hug as that makes me feel really uncomfortable. You know how a cat goes stiff legged and fights when they've been picked up and want to be let go? That's me when a friend or sibling wants a hug.

If people could just wave at me, I really would prefer it. I was sexually assaulted at 13 and think that's the reason I'm so arms-length with people.

Makes me sound cold reading back, but I do love intimacy with my OH, we snog, snuzzle a lot but he's the only one I can let that close to me.

emmaray90 · 17/12/2014 08:45

I would feel pretty icky with this too, to me lip kissing is just for partners, but I'm not hugging or kissing type unless it's DH, a wave good bye or hello is fine for me, from a distance, out of my personal space... Maybe from across the room Smile

MrsMook · 17/12/2014 18:37

DS2 (18m) is insistent about kissing on lips. It's not my first choice of location (especially when he's being slimy). I just appreciate that he's affectionate and hope he'll change to cheeks at some point. DS1 is copying now!