Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you that I'm gay?

67 replies

GetBackInTheCloset · 14/12/2014 22:21

There. I said it Blush.

This is the first time I have ever admitted to that even online. I don't think I could dare to come out in real life. I've even name changed for this as I don't even want this linked to my regular NN just because of the small chance someone might recognise me .

I've only ever had relationships with men and am constantly lying through my teeth about who I'm attracted to.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I just need to say this at least once.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 14/12/2014 22:22

Ok .

Wolfiefan · 14/12/2014 22:23

How sad you feel you have to be paranoid and put an embarrassed face in your OP! I'm glad you felt you could admit this here. That takes bravery given how you feel. xx

joanne1947 · 14/12/2014 22:24

Being gay is normal, natural and nothing to hide. Some people are biased bigoted idiots and dislike gays but they are wrong not you.

southeastastra · 14/12/2014 22:24

yabu

minipie · 14/12/2014 22:24

YANBU to tell us.

Hope you feel able to tell people in RL soon.

skylark2 · 14/12/2014 22:24

YABU to think that I'd care either way. Even if I knew you (which I guess I might), I don't judge people based on whether they've told me they are gay or not.

I'm sorry that you don't feel confident about telling people in RL, and I hope saying it here helps.

PortofinoVino · 14/12/2014 22:25

Well, you've taken one giant leap GetBackInTheCloset. Well done Smile

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 14/12/2014 22:25

So we don't know you and you don't know us and nobody who really matters to you knows that you're gay?

Right-o then.

raltheraffe · 14/12/2014 22:25

Nothing wrong with being gay, bi, trans. However if you are in a long term relationship with a man the best thing to do is tell him. DH's dad lived a lie and MIL only found out when she caught FIL in bed with a man. If you are in a long term relationship you need to sort this out.

Got99problems · 14/12/2014 22:25

Sorry you haven't yet been able to be open about this in your real life. I hope this is a helpful first step for you. IME people are much more open minded these days, so you might be surprised by the reaction.

carlywurly · 14/12/2014 22:27

I mostly feel very sad for you that you feel you have to live this lie.

SamCroClaus · 14/12/2014 22:27

nothing wrong with being gay

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 14/12/2014 22:27

Giant leap how Portofino? I appreciate it can be difficult - maybe impossible - for some people but name changing an already anonymous name and announcing to a zillion anonymous people - that's not any kind of a giant leap. I urge OP to get some RL help - if she needs it - to make the out of the closet thing an everyday reality for herself as it absolutely should be.

NotTheKitchenAgainPlease · 14/12/2014 22:28

First step OP - good luck coming out to people in RL. Smile

lemisscared · 14/12/2014 22:28

southeast - why ur?

OP, i hope that posting here helps you - its ok you know, you didn't stop being you! The people who love you will probably make Shock faces when you first tell them, maybe some of them will make [Of course i always knew it anyway] faces. If they love you, um, even if they like you, in fact, even if they are just decent human beings they will not chane their attitude towards you one little bit.

I hope that you manage to tell people when you are ready and that you find that special person who will make you happy.

WineWineWine · 14/12/2014 22:28

Now you have told us, you can tell other people.

Hassled · 14/12/2014 22:29

What's the problem with saying it in RL? Family/friends? Is that a real fear based on what you know of them, or just how you think they might react?

My 80 year old very old-school FIL has taken the news that 2 of his grandchildren are gay completely in his stride. He said to DS2 "well, you're still the same pain in the neck you always were, aren't you?!". People surprise you sometimes, in a really good way.

bearleftmonkeyright · 14/12/2014 22:29

You will have to tell someone else soon. You deserve to be happy. You can't live a lie.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/12/2014 22:29

Well done Smile

Hope people in real life are very supportive and that you can become 'who you are' everyday without needing to hide. Xxx

stubbornstains · 14/12/2014 22:30

Well done on taking this first step Smile.

qazxc · 14/12/2014 22:30

Life is too short to be living a lie. Whoever you choose to love or have in your bed is entirely your business.

raltheraffe · 14/12/2014 22:33

I do not know anyone who is judgemental about people being gay. DH does not have a problem with his dad being gay and nor do I. Even MIL does not mind about him being gay, but she does dislike him for a lot of other reasons.

slithytove · 14/12/2014 22:33

Well done. :)

How did it feel saying it?

Original poster
GetBackInTheCloset · 14/12/2014 22:34

I'm not in a relationship right now. I was until recently but I'm single now.

I wish I could be honest but it's not that easy. My family are very judgemental and they already judge me and criticize me for things that aren't my fault.

I have a mostly invisible disability and they are constantly passing judgement about how it effects me and the struggles I face with that and the help I get for it. So I dread to think what they'd do if I came out. Probably disown me or something. I don't want that to happen because I don't really have anyone else.

OP posts:
Namechangeyetagaintohide · 14/12/2014 22:37

Feel free to ignore this but...
Maybe don't come out as such. Maybe join some clubs/forums/meet like minded people.

If you end up dating someone you could just go with it and eventually just say yes we are in a relationship ? That's all far far in the future obviously. For now I'd just concentrate on..well at the risk of sounding wanky "getting to know yourself" a bit better ?

Swipe left for the next trending thread