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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being called "A cock sucking bitch" is a bit much?!

91 replies

GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 03:14

I am still reeling from an encounter I had tonight, and need to vent.

I meet 2 girlfriends tonight at a restaurant. We had just finished our main course and my friend went up to get a round of drinks from the bar. So 2 if us remainded seated on one side of a table for four. With that, a group who were either waiting to be seated, or had finished, began accumulating,standing, around our table. A few of the blokes in the party, at least 40-50 in age set their pint glasses down on the table, where my friend who was seated opposite would be seated. At thus point we had not yet finished our meal, we had pudding to c

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Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 03:22

Come (sorry phone posted early).

My friend said she thought it was rude that they had set their drinks down our table, especially as we were still eating. I agreed, however I personally wouldn't have aid anything til our friend came back from the bar. But my friend (very politely) said "excuse me, our friend is sitting there and we are still eating, do you mind moving your drinks", so they just ignored her. I then intervened and asked politely again. At which point one man in the party became very aggressive , stood over the two of us and called me a push Cock sucking bitch (I am not posh) and was literally spitting in my face. He was about 50, I am early 30s. I did wonder afterwards though, from the force if his reaction, whether it is unreasonable ins restaurant to not have other peoples drinks and possessions plonked on your table?! I found it rude. Ainu?!

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Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 03:22

Aibu, should I say!

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StrychnineStew · 07/12/2014 03:24

Clearly YANVU.

Are you okay?

sparklecrates · 07/12/2014 03:25

was it wetherspoons?

Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 03:32

No! Not wetherspoons at all. Meant to be a naice place, which is why I felt my friend was justified in asking them (politely) to initially remove their drinks - in a bar environment I know it is a bit more of a free for all.

I am ok yes. It was unnerving though. This guy was literally old enough to be me dad but was so aggressive.

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MummyBeerest · 07/12/2014 03:37

Wow. I have no words.

YANBU. That reaction was just clearly out of order.

What happened in the end? Was he asked to leave?

magpieginglebells · 07/12/2014 03:38

YANBU. I used to work in a restaurant and found the Christmas party season a nightmare. Lots of people who rarely drink (usually for good reason) on an all day bender. Horrendous.

Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 03:41

I seriously thought he was going to hit me. He got booted out, but I was actually a bit scared to leave.

What I found really unnerving was that he singled me out. My exp, who was both physically and emotionally abusive, did tell me that I had an uncanny knack of "winding men up". So I was upset that even though it was my friend who initiated the "confrontation" it was me he properly squared up to, and levelled all the vitriol at. I wondered if maybe it is true, I do have a face that winds men up!?

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Rinkydinkypink · 07/12/2014 03:48

How horrible for you. I hope your ok and please do realise that you've done nothing wrong. .

Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 03:55

Thanks pink. I guess I brought a lot of memories back. That scared feeling that something awful is about to happen, then trying not to show I was scared to him, then trying not to show I was bothered to my friends afterwards, then trying to work out if she/I had been unreasonable In the first place...

I generally try to avoid confrontation at all costs as I hate it so much!

I know deep down it did not deserve that reaction. He actually had literally a 10-15 minute rant in my face.

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StrychnineStew · 07/12/2014 03:56

My exp, who was both physically and emotionally abusive, did tell me that I had an uncanny knack of "winding men up".

A bully's self-justification. Pay no attention.

Any woman who ever speaks is a wind-up to a certain type of (deeply inadequate) man.

Maybe you just sounded slightly more assertive or maybe it was that you were the second person to ask? It doesn't matter. They were in the wrong and he certainly was.

I hope you feel better now.

nooka · 07/12/2014 03:58

Of course it's not true! Your ex just used that as a way of blaming his own abusive behaviour on you. Which is one of the things abusive men like to do.

It was incredibly rude of the men to try and steal your table while you were still eating, and you shouldn't have had to say anything as the restaurant should have managed the situation so that the men were not crowding your table.

I hope you are OK, and the restaurant were apologetic about their slack management, it sounds like a horrible experience for you.

Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 04:03

The restaurant were shocking. When he literally started shouting and swearing the manager took him outside, but when we tried to explain what had happened, they didn't apologise or take our side. I thought he might be waiting outside for me when I left.

I think the whole situation was poorly managed, and they had squeezed too many people in. From what I could gather this party had already eaten but wanted to stay and drink and use our table as a bar.

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FoxgloveFairy · 07/12/2014 04:16

Rude as rude! You don't put your stuff on other people's table like that! They might at least have asked if you had finished your meal, and if you had, would you mind.

TsukuruTazaki · 07/12/2014 04:28

Sounds awful. Not your fault at all! From your later post it also sounds like the restaurant managed it badly too. They should have been waiting to be seated and not milling round near other diners, and the restaurant should certainly have been apologetic to you.

Sorry you had such a horrible encounter. The man is an absolute arse but that sort of thing can be unsettling.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 07/12/2014 06:08

YANBU and never think that inadequate piece of shits reaction was your fault, it wasnt.

Do they have a twitter or FB page? I'd write about the shoddy reaction from the Manager on there.

artex · 07/12/2014 06:37

How horrible for you!

Was there CCTV at the restaurant?

Complain to the manager about their rubbish response & ask for the CCTV tape to give to the Police. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it

Cherriesandapples · 07/12/2014 06:55

I would be speaking to the manager, getting money back, posting a review on tripadvisor!

notagainffffffffs · 07/12/2014 07:01

What the fuck?? Absolutely yanbu. You should report to police and write a scathing review on trip advisor

Altinkum · 07/12/2014 07:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieKaye · 07/12/2014 07:07

That's terrible.
Disgusting behaviour of the man and not much better from the restaurant. They could at least have offered a complimentary coffee and profuse apologies.

Hope you are okay.

PunkrockerGirl · 07/12/2014 07:13

That's awful. Hope you're ok this morning. Flowers

squiggler · 07/12/2014 07:15

Yanbu, it sounds like the guy idiot majorly overreacted to a polite request (and was rude to use your table anyway!).

WowWowSauce · 07/12/2014 07:16

No, YNBU. I'd review it on tripadvisor as the restaurant should have manged the situation better.

Original poster
GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 07/12/2014 08:03

It was such a Shame as we were having a lovely evening up until then, chatting up and catching up on old times. And we were by no means drunk. I think at that point we had had 1 bottle of wine between 3 of us. The only reason my friend had to go up to the bar was because the waiting staff seemed busy and we hadn't caught their eye. It felt obtrusive already, having them all stood round out table talking over our heads, but when they all started plonking their drinks on our table it felt like a step too far and really encroaching on our personal space. I felt my friend politely pointing out that the space they were puting their drinks on was actually the place me friend was sitting and that we were actually in the middle of a meal would be enough. But they kept doing it and you know the rest! I just can't believe how rude people are nowadays!

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