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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about money owed?

77 replies

Sn00p4d · 05/12/2014 12:58

I'm to involved in this and need an honest perspective so I will take on board your decision!
Over a year ago I lent "someone" £1000 on the provision they would pay me back at £100 a month. All well and good, the money was lent for a holiday but that's by the by. When it was lent I wasnt pregnant, I am now and am trying to save up enough money to cover my outgoings while on maternity leave.

Anyway, every month, without fail, I have had to remind/harass the person to pay me back he £100, usually getting me with "you'll get it when I give you it" type responses. I don't like having to ask let alone practically beg, it had been agreed to be paid back on the last day of each month, already we've lost a month somewhere.

So this person yesterday came into a largeish sum of money, £1100. I am owed £300, and the person said they would 'maybe' pay me back what was owed, I was very happy about this as I'm struggling a bit trying to save up to my target to afford my mat leave so I would have appreciated it back earlier than expected. I mentioned casually if they could transfer me it rather than pay cash so I could squirrel it away in my savings account, cue shouting that I was BU asking for the money, that I would get it when they see fit, that it was their money to do with as they wish etc etc.

(I'm deliberately not mentioning the relationship of this person to me as I know it will colour responses :/)

So. AIBU to want the money paid back now?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 05/12/2014 13:00

I think it would be helpful if you did mention the relationship. If it's your partner then it's quite a different thing altogether. But anyone else you should get your money back if they have come into extra cash.

Littlef00t · 05/12/2014 13:06

Even if it is your partner, unless they have something pressing to pay for eg car repairs or they can't get to work, they should prioritise paying you back. It's not like it'll leave them short, £800 is still a lot of money.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 05/12/2014 13:07

YANBU they owe you money so they should pay it back. Considering you did them a big favour their attitude is disgusting.

Littlef00t · 05/12/2014 13:07

Although if it is your partner and it was their half for a holiday they couldn't afford and you pushed them to go on, you can understand why they feel bitter being indebted to you...

Fudgeface123 · 05/12/2014 13:07

It doesn't sound like a work colleague's response or even a relatives response. OP, is this your partner?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 05/12/2014 13:09

Don't ever lend this utter twat anything again. In fact, I'd probably not even bother with them again once they'd paid up.

Needadognow · 05/12/2014 13:09

Sounds like a sister. I'd go mad And want my money back.

WooWooOwl · 05/12/2014 13:11

The relationship makes a difference. It won't colour responses as much as enable a vaguely accurate judgement.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/12/2014 13:13

If you borrow money from a friend or family member you should pay it back as soon as possible. Always.

OP please let me this isn't your partner??

PurpleSwift · 05/12/2014 13:14

The relationship makes a huge difference.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/12/2014 13:15

Never ever lend money to them again.

If it's your partner then you were very foolish to get pregnant, you're going to have no end of hassle getting money out of him when you leave him.

If it's your partner then he's been difficult about paying you back from the beginning - what on earth would then make you get pregnant.

I really hope it's your sister Sad

Original poster
Sn00p4d · 05/12/2014 13:15

It's my husband. I didn't push the holiday, I did go, it was his idea, I had money, he didn't, he offered to pay me back at £100 a month, now I feel like an absolute harpie having to nag him for days on end until I get £100 chucked at me in a huff. If he just paid it back I wouldn't have to go through that every month it's driving me crazy.
And no he's not contributing to the outgoings while I'm on mat leave but that's a whole other discussion!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 05/12/2014 13:18

It's not another discussion, you appear to have saddled yourself with a crap husband.

Ltb

MonstrousRatbag · 05/12/2014 13:18

This person does not want to pay you back and will weasel out of doing so if at all possible. This is why you have had to chase for your money from the outset.

This: I would get it when they see fit, that it was their money to do with as they wish is a disgusting attitude to show to someone who has put herself out to lend them money. It also suggests a fundamental lack of respect for you.

Is this person the feckless sort who has already committed the money about 3 times over? Because s/he sounds very defensive about his/her windfall.

Stand your ground, get your money, and then keep your distance, is my advice.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/12/2014 13:21

It is not another discussion at all. The discussion is that he thinks he can do what the fuck he likes while you saddle all the responsibility.

Why are you married to him?

tethersend · 05/12/2014 13:23
  1. Why are you lending your husband money? Do you have any shared money?
  1. Why are you saving for ML? Is he not the father?
Crinkle77 · 05/12/2014 13:24

Why isn't he saving up for your maternity too? Surely you shouldn't have to shoulder all the responsibility.

VanitasVanitatum · 05/12/2014 13:25

I understand how you feel. My DP maxed out one of my credit cards while temporarily between jobs, with my agreement. To be honest we share money pretty much because we live together but I have never had a credit card before this my alone maxed out so it makes me uncomfortable.. We haven't agreed any kid of repayment, he will jut pay it off as and when..

He does pay for an awful lot of our outgoings though and I do know he will pay it. Sounds like you and dh have very separate finances?

Can you not ask him to set up a direct debit?

LennyCrabsticks · 05/12/2014 13:25

I don;t understand why he isn't paying half of the costs of you being on ML.

Mind you, I don't understand separate finances at all, although I know it works for some people.

Original poster
Sn00p4d · 05/12/2014 13:25

We've always had seperate finances, which is know is a MN bugbear, but it suited us, and I earn a lot more than him anyway so wasn't really missing anything.
He's tight monstrous that's about the size of it. He has the money to pay me back, he just won't do it. I do think there's an element of enjoying me asking for it, which has my warning lights on as my mum always had to ask my dad for my maintenance after she left him and I won't put myself in that position.
I don't NEED the money, but I don't think that's the point? I'm saving up so I can afford to go part time and still pay off all of the debt I accrued buying shoes and I just feel that, since he owes me it and now he has come into some money the decent thing would be to give me what he owes me?!

He's not a crap husband in fairness, just when it comes to money, which is why under no circumstances will I merge my finances with his.

Glad to hear I'm not BU as I was beginning to think he was right.

OP posts:
whois · 05/12/2014 13:26

The problem isn't the slow paying back of the money.

The problem is you've married a twat and now you've gone and decided to have a god dam baby with him. Great.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/12/2014 13:26

"I would get it when they see fit"
So essentially, your husband really does not regard this money as yours. Because if he did, he would pay it back. He's of the view that 'what's your is his, and what's his is his as well'.

"And no he's not contributing to the outgoings while I'm on mat leave but that's a whole other discussion!"
It probably isn't. Because he sees everything as his and nothing as yours, it's very much the same discussion.

MonstrousRatbag · 05/12/2014 13:27

Tackle the unwillingness to pay you directly, would be my advice. Ask him if he enjoys you going cap in hand and if so, to think about how truly shitty that is. Point out that the money (and whether you need it) is less the issue than broken promises and lack of respect.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/12/2014 13:30

Yes, he is a crap husband because enjoying watching you ask for it back is financial abuse.

You're in a relationship with an abuser if he's enjoying watching you ask for your own money back.

FannyFanakapan · 05/12/2014 13:32

Given that it was over a year ago, and so they should have paid it all back now, I think YANBU to want it back now. The money they have come into was evidently not allocated, and so they have no reason to not pay you back.

owever, if its your partner, I can see it will be tricky to get this back. So you may need to get it back "in kind" - new babies cost lots of money.