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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL and Christmas day. AIBU? Or is she?

59 replies

PrawnToast12 · 01/12/2014 21:00

I have just had a new baby, and also have a nearly two year old. This Christmas is a busy one. On Christmas eve, we plan to spend the day with FIL and SIL, boxing day we are travelling 1 hour away to spend the day with my mum and her family, then on the 27th we are spending the day with my dad and his family. SIL and FIL have also been invited to my mums on boxing day if they wish.
As we are so busy, and we have such young children, I would like to have Christmas dinner just the four of us, watch movies, stay in our PJs and just have some alone time as a family to play with toddler etc. I don't want Christmas to pass in a blur of travelling and hosting.
We have said that SIL and FIL are more than welcome to come on Christmas day morning to see the children if they like, but we would like the afternoon to ourselves.
We have spent the past two Christmas's (sp?) and New Year with them too. MIL died a few years ago, so it will just be those two if they don't have dinner with us. FIL's sister and daughters lives round the corner (they are close and see each other a few times a week), but not really sure why they don't spend Christmas together.

OH told SIL our plans, and she seems to be annoyed. Saying that 'Christmas is for families' and why are they not allowed to come round. I really don't want to fall out over this, and I probably will end up caving, which I didn't want to do. But I am starting to feel really guilty.

AIBU in wanting to spend Christmas day afternoon with just us four? Should I reconsider? Prepared to be told that I am being mean!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 01/12/2014 21:05

Do not cave.

Christmas is for families and if you choose to spend with your kids and dh then that is your family Christmas.

Tbh I wouldn't even have her over in the morning if that's her attitude.

ChaircatMiaow · 01/12/2014 21:06

YANBU. You're spending Xmas eve with them and you have said they can come over in the morning.

Sounds like she wants you guys to entertain her over Xmas rather than spending it with your FIL and his sister and family. Ignore her little tanty and enjoy your lovely chilled out day.

Sparkletastic · 01/12/2014 21:08

They have other options so of course YANBU. Don't let yourself be guilt tripped when you have nothing to feel guilty about. Make DH handle it too - his family to sort

2minsofyourtime · 01/12/2014 21:08

What does your oh think?

simbacatlivesagain · 01/12/2014 21:09

if they are coming on Christmas morning they will see you in your pjs. Why not let them stay all day but tell them that is what you are doing- they can then take it or leave it. You do seem to have more time devoted to your side of the family that to that of your OH- 2 full days as opposed to a quick drop in on Christmas morning.

simbacatlivesagain · 01/12/2014 21:11

Sorry - just read they are spending Christmas eve with you? a full day? do they work? Christmas Eve isnt really Christmas for many as they are at work etc

CookieLady · 01/12/2014 21:11

She's right, Christmas is for families. This includes the new(ish) and more immediate family you and your husband have created. Tell her to sod off - or something politer. Under no circumstance cave. That way madness lies.

pictish · 01/12/2014 21:12

What does your dh think?

Original poster
PrawnToast12 · 01/12/2014 21:14

My family is split so we have to try get round everybody, and actually they will be seeing us more than anyone - all day Christmas eve, Christmas day morning, and boxing day at my mum's (if they choose to come).

OH said he would leave it up to me this year as we have spent the past two years with his family.

I am feeling a bit mean tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrawnToast12 · 01/12/2014 21:15

FIL is retired, and SIL is coming from London a week before Christmas ...so no they won't be working, and will also be seeing us a lot during the run up.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2014 21:15

She's being a brat.

bumpiesonamission · 01/12/2014 21:19

YANBU tell her to sod off and that Christmas day is going to be just you 4. Please don't cave or you'll end up miserable like me the whole time

Chottie · 01/12/2014 21:19

Please don't be bullied by your SiL. All you want is to spend one afternoon with your family doing what you want to do over Christmas. That is not unreasonable.

Catsmamma · 01/12/2014 21:23

can't they stay with you ....it's a pita travelling on christmas day, someone has to be driver...not so bad on the way, but once everyone else has loosened up and settled in with a bucks fizz and a sherry or two just waiting to drive them all home is not much fun

i totally get the not wanting to drag the littles out and about but that's why I have always had or offered to have folks here for christmas

especially if you tell them the sort of day you have planned, no need to be making five course dinners unless you want to....if it's not want they want then they can bugger off! :o

so i'd say "look, we are not shifting on christmas day, or getting dressed, feel free to arrive after . Lunch will be full christmas dinner/chocolate orange and a christmas cracker/chocolate pennies. You can sleep on the put you up or go home as you please"

Doobigetta · 01/12/2014 21:26

I don't think YABU at all, but I'm not sure your plan will work. What happens on Christmas day if they visit in the morning and then don't take the hint that it's time to leave? If you feel mean now, I bet you wouldn't enjoy dealing with that on the day.

HappydaysArehere · 01/12/2014 21:27

Sounds as if sil has little idea of what it is to have a young family - the effort involved and the realisation that this time is so precious. She sounds rather selfish and certainly lacks understanding. You are spreading yourself over the Christmas period and trying to please everyone. Stand your ground and have that lovely relaxing day the way you not only want but need. Those times with your little ones will have been and gone before you know it. Relish every Christmas while they are children for after it will never be the same. Meanwhile, I echo CookieLady's sentiments.

evelynj · 01/12/2014 21:33

I know I'm in the minority but I feel a little bad for them. I wanted our first family Christmas in our home-just us 4 last year, but the first time in years we haven't been to in-laws in another country, I thought I should mention to my folks about coming to us if they wanted & Lo & behold the whole lot of them came for Christmas Day! Instead of relaxing with 5 month baby,I was cooking for 11!

I love spending time with family & as long as they help out & have low catering expectations they're always welcome. It's a good entertainment angle for the children, though you need some time alone. Would changing the time you're happy to host them suit everyone? I'm inclined to not care about Crimbo day now as it makes it more stressful. I like to dedicate a slovenly day of family fun on another day-we just had one on Sat but appreciate this isnt possible for everyone. Hope you get sorted & its not too frustrating :)

Hulababy · 01/12/2014 21:35

YANBU

It is perfectly acceptable for you to say you want Christmas dinner and afternoon just the four of you.

They have each other to occupy themselves, or can consider visiting other family or friends if they want. They have been told they can call in on Christmas day morning so will see you for part of the day anyway.

FWIW I have always have christmas Day at home with just DH and DD, and we love it. We do family stuff in the run up inc Christmas Eve. We have family from both sides round to ours on Boxing Day, and we see them again before NYE too. We also speak on the phone or FaceTime on CD too.

Last year we did have PILs over for lunch as they were going to be on their own but tbh , although nice, it wasn't the same. We had to make far more of an effort to be up and dressed, the house tidier, a meal cooked for a certain time, etc. It was more work and more effort, and less time chilling out and being lazy in PJs. This year we are back to normal.

Hulababy · 01/12/2014 21:36

catsmamma - OP has a new baby and a toddler. She probably doesn't really feel like having a pair of overnight houseguests.

Original poster
PrawnToast12 · 01/12/2014 21:37

FIL lives 5 mins walk away from us so nobody has to travel/stay sober. I even wouldn't mind if they chose to come in the evening aswell, I just want a few hours in the afternoon with our little family of four. It's just so hard trying to please everyone but also trying to please ourselves too!

OP posts:
Whatsthewhatsthebody · 01/12/2014 21:40

Oh don't cave. My son and his new gf are staying with her parents for Christmas. They were so nervous telling us bless them and we said good in you enjoy.

Why do prople make Christmas so bloody hard?

You stick to it petal and did them.

In my opinion you are doing loads anyway. Do not cave!

GooodMythicalMorning · 01/12/2014 21:41

Yanbu! Stick to your plans. Sounds like they will have plenty of opportunities to see you.

KatieKaye · 01/12/2014 21:42

Of course YANBU!!

But SIL is. She will see you all day (gulp!) on the 24th, the morning of the 25th and has an invite to your Mum's on the 26th. And yet she's trying to put a guilt trip on you?
in
Stick to your guns. Because if you don't, then next year she will be even more unreasonable. Of course your family deserve a quiet day, especially as you've spent the last 2 years with your inlaws.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 01/12/2014 21:42

Do not cave!!

You are entitled to one day where you can sit in your PJ's and watch shit TV before you go to see others the next day.

Xmas2014Santa2014 · 01/12/2014 21:42

I'd change it so you get Xmas eve just the four of you & have Xmas day round theirs - sil can cook

It does seem a bit mean to leave sil & fil alone on Xmas day ,tbh just her & her dad sounds a bit sad

Presumably she's single & wants to be with you , her brother & the kids -

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