to be offered a seat when pg

[daisydee43]

hi

is it old fashioned but thought if you were pg and standing up then someone in seat may offer it up to you?

today i went to an activity day with dd2 and my friend who is also pg and her dd. i was shocked.
we had to go into different rooms every 20mins to do new activities and each time as were a big and slow atm we were last in the rooms so no seat available. there were non pg women and men sitting down and although our bellies were clearly bulging out, no movers. at one point i said loudly to my friend 'i wonder how many people will offer a seat to two pg women'. one man looked over but nothing else. both suffering with braxton hicks a seat would have been lovely

am i mad?

did you not ask for one?

It's not an automatic right to be offered a seat just because you a pregnant. Yes it would have been nice if someone offered, but did you actually ask anyone if they minded giving up their seat or did you just make loud comments?

i know i should have done but never been in that situation before wasnt sure of ettiqute

You should have just asked instead of making a pa remark.

Passive aggressive comments would have just gotten my back up frankly, why the hell didn't you just ask for a sodding seat?? Perhaps the parents are paying more attention to their kids than to two women walking through the door despite how pregnant they are.

YANBU until you started making PA comments instead of just bloody asking!

ok fair point i am being unreasonable - thank god i dont have to use the bus lol

Ask! Honestly I know it is a bit cringey but it eliminates any wondering on their part, prevents your anger or irritation, and you will get a seat. I do it every time this pregnancy. People are always happy to give their seat.

You can't expect people to notice you - people just don't. I have crutches and a big bump and people still don't notice me. If you just ask straight away, there is no issue.

YABU, you should have asked.

I probably wouldn't have asked either! But in my experience people went out of their way to offer me seats when pregnant - to point it was bit embarrassing as did not always feel I strictly needed one! In fact, took baby on the underground in sling a few weeks ago and was surprised to be offered a seat loads of times in that situation too (though in any case the little blighter much prefers me to stand up, so declined each time!) I'm surprised people did not offer really, maybe they didn't notice you, as someone said.

Ffs just ask!

Passive aggressive huffing and puffing is really tiresome as well as ineffective.

Well maybe you should have asked but I would have jumped straight up and I think it was rude of people not to offer.

Definitely should've asked. If you're not willing to ask, you shouldn't expect.

I agree with everyone else, I'm afraid. PA remarks are highly annoying. Just ask next time.

Disclaimer- I would have offered you a seat.

People worry about offending women who aren't pregnant. I've now got a baby on board badge to wear from TFL, they're free

You are U for making PA comments.

Just ask!

I wouldn't offer a seat to anyone who stood around making loud comments. It's rude.

While I would offer my seat pregnancy is not an illness and you shouldn't expect others to give them up

I've got a disability, and used to gave to commute on crutches. Every single time I had to ask for a seat... Even then you would mainly get ignored!

YANBU to think that most people would be decent enough to offer a pregnant lady a seat, but YABU to think that there are generally decent people out there ;-)

YABU to be so PA about it, that was rude of you.

If you managed to get a seat in the previous rooms, then you only had to stand for 20 minutes didn't you?

If doing that was somehow too uncomfortable, perhaps you should have picked a more comfortable time to go.

If you need a seat then you should ask politely. Many pregnant women will be fine standing for 20 mins, especially when you're not on a moving train/bus. So not everyone would feel the need to offer.

Christ alive! You are getting slated for not asking?! What the fuck happened to good manners! YANBU you shouldn't have been left to stand and it's not up to you to ask.

Of course it's up to the OP to ask

A) It was only 20 mins

B) The floor wasn't moving

C) She might have been insulted/embarrassed

D) She might have been fat and not pregnant

E) Perhaps no-one noticed her and her pregnancy

These are all possible reasons why the people in that room, didn't jump up for her.

I would never have asked unless a space had been set aside (disabled, elderly, super-preggo, etc).

Other people (especially with young children) do not care about your circumstances, generally. Don't expect them to, simply make your way.

I do agree the loud, passive-aggressive comment wasn't a good idea. If you really need a seat and are certain your situation takes precedence, then do mention to the room "is anyone wiling to give up a seat, please?"

IME if you ask nicely people either fall over themselves to move or you get the one in thousand arse who trots out "pregnancy isn't an illness/you chose to have a baby/" and then everyone else will attempt to shame them/out do each other with their willingness to help.

But, if you make loud, passive aggressive comments people just ignore you because they don't want people to think your pathetic performance worked or they think you're a dick and don't want to help you.

Most people mean well and most operate in a bubble but once the bleeding obvious is pointed out to them nicely they will happily help. I will.

I don't care what the ettiquette is, if I'm on a bus or train and a heavily pregnant woman is having to stand next to me and I have a seat, I'm going to offer my seat.
It's the decent thing to do.