Do I send him, or not. Confused.

[Evilwater]

Yes I know I've put this on chat, but I need help.
I left my ex this time last year, he has my Ds 4 hours a week. Every so often he has my DS for a whole day. Saturday was such a day, and it has been a nightmare.

I dropped off my son, at 9 and it was arranged to pick him up at 5:30. A message was sent to my phone at 4:30 saying "Ds is asking for you". I didn't receive the message till 5 when I was at the shops. My phone signal is weak at my house.
I arrived there as quick as I could to find, DS couldn't weight bear on his left leg. Apparently he jumped off the 'big boy' side of a soft play. Ex didn't really know anything. I asked him if DS as had any calpol, but no. Nothing.

I came home, and gave him paracetamol straight away, it seemed to have no effect. So I phoned and they said it would be good to get him checked out at a minor injuries unit. The closest one is A and E.

I was Not, happy.
It turns out that Ds has a spiral fracture of his leg. (The big bone) his leg is in a short term cast.

DS is supposed to go to ex as part of the agreement, for two hours. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to seem BU.
So do I let him so?

Well accidents do happen. He did take him to a soft play.

Do you feel as though he is a risk just because of this or are there other worrying factors about his parenting?

Is your son your ex's son as well?

Unless there's anything major you haven't told us, I'd say send him.

There are many many parents here whose kids have had accidents and they've felt dreadful that they didn't realise at first, how bad it was.

He EA me since DS was born. He has OCD, that does not help too.

A spiral fracture of the femur you say ? Or the tibia ?

Are you quite, quite sure of the mechanism of injury ? What did they say in A+E...were they happy with the explanation given ? Did your ex attend the appointment or leave it all to you ?

If you have concerns about your ex's parenting, I suggest you get some professional advice. There are some alarm bells ringing here, IMO.

Has he given any indication as to how the accident happened,what happened,when and why he did not seek medical attention?

Well I think I'd be concerned if your child couldn't bear his weight and your ex (his dad?) hadn't thought to get it checked. It would raise questions about his ability to keep your child safe. Accidents happen, but he should have had enough sense to get the leg checked.

And how old is your son?

My ex did not seek medical attention for DS injury.
I saw the fracture myself, on the x ray it was his Tiba. Ex has not been to any of DS routine appointments with HCP, so far. I doubt he will start now.

DS is 2

An A+E attendance for an injury is not a "routine" appointment.

I mean his jabs, and 1 year review.

His birthdays too.

What I am saying is, his failure to present his son for urgent medical care is not excused by the fact he is not involved in routine appointments.

Poor little guy, he must have been in so much pain :(

I would be worried given his inability to cope with an accident.

Did he seem concerned about his son's leg at collection?

Does he want him for visits or do you push for it?

Poor boy.

Fair enough, any
It sounds like, you all agree with my gut that Ds should miss his dad tomorrow.

Not just tomorrow, IMO

How has your son's contact with his father been organised ? Is it court ordered ?

In your position, I would be arranging an appointment with my son's health visitor to discuss the whole issue.

little not really! he did txt sorry this morning.
It was when I was asking him questions, how did he fell? Where was he? Ect. Did he seemed worried.

He didn't push for his visit, but said "see you tomorrow"

It is likely your HV has been informed of the injury, btw so you may be getting contacted by them.

Sounds like your DS needs some time to recover and relax with you in any case, regardless of your XDH 's parenting skills

I'll txt him, and say DS has a bad nite, and needs some rest this morning.
any I don't mind! it didn't happen in my care.

Will his nursery be ok with DS in a plaster?

No I definitely wouldn't be sending him tomorrow. He needs time to rest and recover. Future contact would depend on the explanation given as to how it happened and why action wasn't taken sooner.

You don't have to answer but I am wondering whether you think your XH is simply a neglectful dimwit, or whether you think the injury to DS might not have been an accident.
Of course, kids do break limbs or otherwise hurt themselves even when being watched over by perfectly competent, loving parents - that first trip to A&E is almost a parental rite of passage. But, whatever the situation, telling XH your DS is going to stay at home and take things easy is not unreasonable.
And if you do have concerns about XH parenting, stop contact and get SS/HCP/WA on your side.

For me there are three things here:

1. are you satisfied with the explanation for how the fracture occurred? If you think negligence or violence may have occurred then you should not send him (caveat: I have no idea the legal position on this if the hours are court ordered - hopefully someone can advise).
2. if you are concerned that it was a genuine accident, but your ex failed to grasp the seriousness, I would say this is probably not sufficient reason for refusing visitation - mumsnet is riddled with guilty parents who have made bad calls of this type.
3. If you are literally talking about the 2 hours tomorrow and nothing else, I would go with what the PP said - bad night, tired plus cast is a lot to deal with and suggest a postponement.