Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I send him, or not. Confused.

55 replies

Evilwater · 23/11/2014 21:18

Yes I know I've put this on chat, but I need help.
I left my ex this time last year, he has my Ds 4 hours a week. Every so often he has my DS for a whole day. Saturday was such a day, and it has been a nightmare.

I dropped off my son, at 9 and it was arranged to pick him up at 5:30. A message was sent to my phone at 4:30 saying "Ds is asking for you". I didn't receive the message till 5 when I was at the shops. My phone signal is weak at my house.
I arrived there as quick as I could to find, DS couldn't weight bear on his left leg. Apparently he jumped off the 'big boy' side of a soft play. Ex didn't really know anything. I asked him if DS as had any calpol, but no. Nothing.

I came home, and gave him paracetamol straight away, it seemed to have no effect. So I phoned and they said it would be good to get him checked out at a minor injuries unit. The closest one is A and E.

I was Not, happy.
It turns out that Ds has a spiral fracture of his leg. (The big bone) his leg is in a short term cast.

DS is supposed to go to ex as part of the agreement, for two hours. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to seem BU.
So do I let him so?

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/11/2014 22:21

Then you have issues that i would be consider as needing to be thought about.

The supervision could be an issue and the not taking him to hospital is.

If you were me I would be asking the hospital to report the injury as needing further investigation to children's services. What would usually happen is they would advise you to not send him until they look into it they will ascertain what happened and give you and him support and advice to address any issues identified.

Its a win win because you get to abdicate responsibility for not sending him and someone qualified to look into it does.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/11/2014 22:23

Forgot to add you get reports for future use if you need to go to court

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 23/11/2014 22:24

How upsetting. OP...are you concerned that your ex has harmed your DS? Even ONE little molecule of concern?

Coconutty · 23/11/2014 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Evilwater · 23/11/2014 22:30

More through not looking after him. He always on that bloodly phone of his. It's the fact that Ds was in the big boy section i.e. for those 5 and above.
He had the accident, and nothing was done,
The fact that he didn't call me,
He didn't even tell me What had happened till I picked him up.
That I had ask him what had happened, and he didn't know what happened.
That DS was in pain and Not painkillers were given.

OP posts:
ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 23/11/2014 23:15

Quite a few people have asked...are you concerned that the ex has or may hurt your son?

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 23/11/2014 23:23

Hare to say it but I thought spiral fractures were associated with forceful twisting of limbs........? OP can u contact sift play place and ask if there is any record of this incident?

Also nit taking a non wright bearing child of that age to a and e is neglect in my opinion and needs careful consideration as to future contact in and of itself.

Theboulderhascaughtupwithme · 23/11/2014 23:24

Sorry for typos!

nocoolnamesleft · 23/11/2014 23:26

Before panicking about spiral fractures...might I suggest googling "toddler fracture"...may give you some reassurance...

From what you describe, he doesn't seem to have supervised superbly, and should probably have taken him to A&E himself. But not really raising red flags for those things that are even worse.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 23/11/2014 23:30

Google Spiral Fractures too. And see what comes up with that more specific phrase.

steff13 · 24/11/2014 00:16

I have a friend whose son had a spiral fracture on his leg, and it was a genuine accident; he got his leg caught in the railing of his bed, and twisted it hard trying to get it out. But, Children's Services was called, because the spiral fractures the hospital sees are usually not accidental. Are you 100% certain it was an accident?

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 24/11/2014 00:24

Steff OW! It seems that spiral fractures are more likely signs of abuse in children who aren't walking or really very mobile yet. As for abuse...OP hasn't said if she's nervous of this.

nocoolnamesleft · 24/11/2014 00:42

A "toddler fracture" is, if you care to look it up, a term for specifically a spiral fracture of the tibia in toddlers. Incredibly common accidental injury. In can, like any injury, be non-accidental. But nothing like as worrying as a spiral fracture of any other bone (if it were the femur I would be extremely worried about non-accidental injury). Under 18 months...well, yes for the younger ones the Cardiff Core Group information would still suggest to worry about NAI. But for the older ones, with a consistent account, not one that would make the radar go ping.

Jennifersrabbit · 24/11/2014 00:56

From someone whose 3 year old dd fractured her tibia (clean break not spiral), on a bloody inflatable covered in toddlers, with me right next to her, I can say that this sort of accident certainly happens even under the eye of fairly competent and watchful parents Blush

I'm afraid I would expect your DS to be tired and in pain tomorrow, and for that simple reason would say he's better off with you at home.

As far as not seeking medical attention goes, what was the gap between him falling at soft play and your Ex realising something was wrong? Or did he not seem to twig that a non weight bearing toddler was a problem?

I cringe to remember it but I did wait a good half hour expecting dd to make a miracle recovery in the way of toddlers, then drove her home - had my dad not been there and a retired GP I might have tucked her up with calpol for a bit longer. These things can be hard to call.

BUT much depends on his track record in taking sensible care of DS, and on you not having any other concerns that might make you doubt the explanation given.

DDs nursery were able and willing to take her, but the stumbling block is that little ones can't do crutches, so she could only bum shuffle or be carried/pushed. I hated the idea of her bumshuffling round and being trampled underfoot by hordes of toddlers, so she didn't go. But that was my choice and fortunately I could rearrange work to suit.
You may find he's up and stomping around on the cast in a week or two which will help.

Hope he feels better soon :)

Original poster
Evilwater · 24/11/2014 07:50

He didn't seem to know a lot about the break, at all, and he didn't seem to think a non weight bearing child was a problem.

Ex does not have a great record with DS, treating him like a baby.

What a bloodly nightmare.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 24/11/2014 08:44

An excellent article slithytove. It is interesting that a spiral fracture of the tibia is known as 'the toddlers fracture'. I would not let the boy go anywhere today but I think the chances are that the father was careless (big area of soft play) rather than abusive.

coppertop · 24/11/2014 11:07

One of my children had a similar accident.

It was difficult to know whether or not they needed medical help. The nurse I spoke to via 111 wasn't sure either. The doctor who arranged the x-ray said it was merely a precaution as he was fairly sure it was a sprain.

I'm not sure which of us was more surprised when it turned out to be broken.

SolidGoldBrass · 24/11/2014 11:57

SO it sounds like XH is just thick and self-absorbed, rather than violent. However, that still seems like a good reason to move to unsupervised contact: what's the dickhead going to do next, let DS fall in a river because he's too busy playing Angry Birds? Do talk to SS about it - you haven't done anything wrong. And even if contact is currently court-ordered, the potential risk of further harm to DS justifies stopping it for the moment.

redskybynight · 24/11/2014 12:10

In fairness, DD fell off a climbing frame when she was 3. Both myself and my friend who was there at the time, thought it was nothing much - just a normal toddler accident. It was only when she when she was still looking listless 30 minutes later that we started to worry and I took her to A&E - and even then I thought I was being over cautiious. I ought to say when we were triaged, the A&E nurse also thought we were overreacting. It wasn't until her leg was X-rayed (5 hours later) that anyone actually thought it might be a fracture (turned out to be serious femur fracture).

Point being, that there's sometimes not much to tel between a normal toddler accident and something more serious, and even the professionals don't always get it right.

mix56 · 24/11/2014 12:12

Blimey, Kids fall, they play, they climb, they break bones, they learn. Parents are not necessarily bad because they didn't manage to stop, or intervene.
Unless OP thinks that XP is seriously in some way responsible for the injury, she should not call in the SS, It could easily have been OP who had been the parent "in custody" at the time
What's next ?
FGS

PotteringAlong · 24/11/2014 12:17

I'd also add, you say he's been to none of his routine appointments for vaccines etc. my DH is the most doting dad you could hope to meet and he's not been to any of these for any of our children. I don't think that is a sign that he doesn't care.

ImperialBlether · 24/11/2014 13:07

Mix, the OP isn't saying he was responsible for the injury (though he was stupid allowing a 2 year old into an area for 5+), but he neglected to care for the child once he was hurt.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/11/2014 13:34

A 2yo who breaks a bone with a attentive parent close by would not be a matter needing exploration.

A 2yo not in a age appropriate setting without a attentive parent near by with the same results especially when the parent does not comprehend that medical attention is needed is an issue that needs exploring.

Dad may need additional support to understand appropriate supervision and boundaries for children of that age. He also ,any benefit hugely from some professional information on identifying when he needs to seek external support.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/11/2014 13:36

mix the vast majority of accidental injuries that were dealt with when I worked for CS were referred appropriately due to lack of parental supervision